For feeling left out

[Lilllypad11]

The company director was offering out tokens of appreciation today as we close for 4 days. Usually in the last 3 years I’ve always received a note on my desk to say “well done and thanks for all your hard work” I’ve always always got one. I keep hold of them in my work drawer as a reminder for the difficult days.

This time, I didn’t get one but my other 2 people in the department did. And so did a few others. I was more upset about this than I realised, I came home crying. I’ve tried my level best lately and I took a few more things on lately too and I’ve been doing my best to get it all right.

One of the other men in the team said he got nothing either but said “you’ve been here longer though so I understand why you’re upset about it”
I don’t know if I’ve offended the director some how or if I’ve done something to someone somewhere, all I remember saying, and the worst thing was “I woke up knackered this morning and though oh eff this when my alarm went off” and I didn’t know he was in the room but we all think that from time to time.

Im super upset. Aibu?

Since you've already had it 3 times maybe they are trying to highlight other people? If everyone got one every year it wouldn't be that special would it?

But 2 in my department got one and it looked like a lot of others did too:( maybe I’ve done something wrong or he doesn’t like me.

If it's something that's only given to some people then it makes sense to not give you one after you'd got it for the last 3 years otherwise it's a bit pointless for everyone to get it every time.

I think you’re really overthinking it OP, as the previous poster has said if everybody got one every time then it wouldn’t hold much weight at all. You’ve had it 3 times, it’s somebody else’s turn this time.

Yeah but I usually always get one along with the rest of the team. So it was odd to me that I didn’t.

So everyone normally gets one? Surely that's not true as your male colleague also hasn't got one? If everyone normally gets one and only a handful haven't then yes that's shit. What's the ratio of those with a note and no note?

Yeah it literally is that. 2 out of 4 got one. The guy is always complaining so I figured that he was sort of not gonna get one anyway. But I alway s do my best to remain neutral at work. I looked around desks and a fair few others got one. I felt quite left out.

Well you’re not left out are you as it’s half the team?

This is like star of the week in primary school. It can't always be your turn

Yes, but if everyone got one every time there would be no point in anyone getting one would they?

You’ve had 3.

It’s like kids at school getting star of the week or the “well done” stickers, if everyone gets one every time they lose their value completely.

If it continues to bother you set up a quick chat. "Robert, you know I save those notes from you every year so I was a bit miffed when I didnt get one. Do we need to discuss anything about my work?" DO NOT CRY to Robert. Keep it light.

2/4 getting one isn't too bad it's hardly singling you out. Seems the bloke can't win here so maybe he should just stop bothering.

What’s the pay like? Is he a good boss? I am trying to imagine a workplace where staff are so motivated by little notes from the boss! It sounds quite nice.

OP i think you are overthinking this. Try not to take it personally. I understand it’s hard though.

I’ve taken it really personally. I would hate to have upset him. Maybe when I said the thing about waking up for work he didn’t like it.

In the nicest possible way, he isn’t giving you a second thought now. You certainly have not ‘upset’ him by that benign comment! He didn’t give much thought to those ‘awards’ either and would be surprised if he knew how affected you were. I don’t think any of you are that important to him personally. He has moved on and so should you.

Please try not to get too sad about this. Sounds like you are a great worker.

I’m just a little sad. My co worker said “oh did he catch you to give you the thank you card” my other colleague said “oh how nice I got a little token of thanks. I looked over and a few others had them. I wasn’t gonna ask around at risk of looking like an idiot. But I was sad about it.

Oh good grief its sounds very primary school like.

It sounds like a fucking shit system. Either thank everyone or no one with the little cards.

Christ star of the (week) year for grown ups is ridiculous.

You’re over invested and over sensitive. Stop giving this your time, it’s really not worth it. Scrabbling around trying to figure out reasons will make you paranoid for no real reason.

"Of course teacher still likes you! But you've had three turns, so it's someone else's turn now. Off you go and sit on the carpet."

So much angst!

I with you OP, as daft as I know it is I think I'd feel the same. I work in a small team and if my manager acknowledged my hard work each year for three years on the trot, then this year it was only me and the work whingebag that didn't get one I'd be (secretly) wondering why too.

It sounds like you work hard and that appreciation is motivation for you so it's hard to not receive that reassurance this time.

I wouldn't be worrying if I'd upset him though, (if the reason is that you have) if he's that petty his praise isn't worth the shitty card it's written on.

I’ve thought about asking my manager if I did something to upset the director.

Literally. I’ve never been left out. Never. This is the first time.

Have other people been left out in years where you got one, and they've got one now?