To wish I had been able to have my babies come naturalky

[Wishihaddone]

I know people will tell me it doesn’t matter and all that matters is that they are healthy and of course this is true but I’d still appreciate being able to share feelings.

When I had DS, I was induced because of my age. I didn’t really know any better and just went along with what I was told. It was a horrible experience which resulted in an emergency section some 72 hours later. I didn’t act mind the section but I was exhausted and very sick and confused, not the best start.

Two and a half years later I was adamant I wasn’t going to be induced so had a planned section at 39 + 6. Much nicer experience but I still wish I’d been able to experience my watered breaking and going into labour naturally. Does anyone else feel the same?

It's fine to wish that. but you can't change it. You have two living and I assume healthy children. A lot of people don't get that. It seems unnecessary to waste headspace on this - try and focus on what you have got. I have zero expectations or plans for my birth this year, it's pointless. I'll just see what happens.

Two emergency c sections and yes, but I am slowly over over it. I’ll never experience a vaginal birth. It gets easier with time. And the more I’ve learned the more I realise it’s just one of those things and I’m actually very lucky. I get the impression it’s very overrated.

I had a scheduled C-section with my first baby, who was breech. I was fine with that, because the thought of pushing an entire human being out of my vagina sounded terrifying. I was afraid of tearing, and I didn’t want my genitals to be a site of trauma.

With my second baby, I figured I should try a VBAC if it would be better for the baby. My water broke and I went into labor, but after five hours, my cervix was hardly dilated and they recommended a second C-section. I was grateful, because after five hours of contractions, I was like, “I can’t believe women actually do this for up to three days. Just get the baby out!”

Your feelings are your feelings, OP, but it might help you to reframe your experience. Each time, you did your best with the knowledge you had, and you got two beautiful children. Having a baby vaginally is not necessarily some kind of mystical, fulfilling experience. You could have ended up tearing down to your rectum, for all you know.

For me, my water breaking felt like a little piece of gelatin slid out of me, followed by a bunch of leaking fluid. I could have taken it or left it. I don’t think you missed anything all that interesting there.

Both my babies were induced, waters broken, hooked up to a drip.
Honestly, I couldn't give a monkeys.
I'm beyond happy that I got to take home 2 healthy children. It's a very small part of my life with them. I had zero birth plan...just safe and healthy and to do whatever was best for them.

It's like people who get fixated on wedding details...it's the marriage that's the important bit 😊

Enjoy your children and try to move on, rarely is anything perfect in life.

I just wanted to thank you for this.

I'm 6 months pregnant with my first and am anxious about birth.

This is such a good way of thinking about labour. I'm worried about not feeling in control, or my plans going out the window which are my go-to coping mechanisms. This is helping me reframe my view!

Yes, I know what you mean.

Had a C-section for no reason other than that’s what I wanted. It was amazing. But a part of me feels I missed out by not going into labour.

When I get that feeling I focus on the fact my baby is here and safe and wonderful. Hope that works for you too.

YANBU, because that's how you feel. Your first experience, in particular, sounds very rough.

You well know things can go badly wrong with a vaginal birth too, sometimes with life long consequences for mother or baby. I suspect you may feel like this because you never got to choose?

I struggle with mine. Long labours ending in emergency sections. I lost consciousness during the first one, ended up with postpartum psychosis. Took me months to accept dc1 was mine.

The way I feel was so left field too. I didn't have a birth plan because I knew birth was unpredictable and yet, I still ended up being floored by it. I found the passivity triggering, needing to be "saved" nearly destroyed me.

I do care that I was so out of it, I didn't want to hold him. I do care that I couldn't understand why they wanted me to go NICU and breastfeed a "doll". I do care that I wasn't listened to, was patronised and ignored. I do care that my failure endangered both of us. I do care that my mental health following his arrival cost me my career.

Neither of my births turned out the way I wanted. First I wanted a natural birth in hospital. I was induced at 36 weeks with preeclampsia and nearly died.

The second I wanted a C-section due to the nearly dying part of my first time and due to another complication they found when I was early pregnancy with second. That one didn’t turn out as expected either as I went into spontaneous labour at 29 weeks and I couldn’t have the section in the end as they said my stomach muscles weren’t stretched enough for it apparently.

Some lovely and heartbreaking stories here @Dorriethelittlewitch i am so sorry for your story and hope you are in a better place now

I had an emergency c-section. At the time I would’ve agreed to anything they said to get him out safely but after I was almost disappointed that I hadn’t had him “naturally”.
I ended up going for a birth review to go through everything that happened. It turns out he was back to back but I was labouring perfectly up until 9cm when he turned his head and got stuck. It was completely unavoidable and I’ll be forever grateful to the hospital staff for keeping him safe.
If we have another I’ll go for a vaginal birth again but won’t feel bad if it doesn’t work out.

I had a "natural" birth that involved an episiotomy and a huge loss of blood. Transfusions, and they have to manually turn her as she was back to back. I was in labour for 4 days.

I had planned for a water birth surrounded by candles and calm. I have no regrets, her heart rate started dipping towards the end of labour and at that point I wouldn't have give a shit whatever they did as long as she came out safe.

My c-section was by far the better birth.

DC1 - waters broke, horrendous contractions, literally worst pain I’ve been in. After 6 hours I was given the epidural- which I then stayed on for 20+ hours. Episiotomy then got infected after. Tons of antibiotics that affected bonding.

DC2 - planned c-section to avoid going into labour, which ended up being emergency as my waters broke and contractions started. The contractions again were awful. Birth and recovery were much more straightforward.

i have said I understand OP’s perspective but my first birth was an awful forceps birth following induction so I’ve had a vaginal birth. I thought OP was more talking about starting to go into labour spontaneously? The sitting at home monitoring every twinge and wondering if this is it - and then it actually finally being it, rather than having a scheduled appointment for induction/section?

That’s right @Crabble

Weirdly the sections didn’t and don’t bother me. I just wish I’d had that ‘omg this is it!’ moment

Me too. Never got that. But only now I’m realising that maybe not having a messed up vag is probably a good thing! and at least I get that wow now without all those problems.

I had a c section which went fine, and I have to say I didn’t care either way, but I do wish I lived in a country or culture that made me feel more confident and engaged with the birthing experience. My head was filled with a list of things that could go wrong so when after many hours of labor a c section was suggested, I was happy to do anything just so I could get my baby and sod off home.
I would have preferred to have felt less bamboozled and more empowered throughout the journey.

I can completely relate to you and don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I ended up with an EMCS after having a very long latent labour followed by induction and whilst I’m so grateful we are both ok, I am sad that I ended up with a c section. My baby had been breech until 37 weeks, and I was so happy when the ECV worked and she was flipped. I didn’t really consider then that I’d end up with a section anyway (how naive). I feel like my body failed to do what it’s meant to do. I am only 15 weeks postpartum though so it’s still quite fresh, and I’m hoping in time I won’t feel that way anymore. Just to be clear, I feel that towards myself but I definitely don’t feel like anyone else is a failure for having or choosing a c section birth. You’re allowed to feel how you feel 💐

I'm glad @DeedlessIndeed

All the very best for it.

I was induced both times. They were both 14 days overdue so I think I waited as long as I could for things to happen naturally but they didn't.

I would have preferred for my body to do it's own thing but it's in the past now and I never really think about it anymore (although my youngest is only 16 weeks so it's a fairly recent past).

I'd have loved to have gone into labour naturally. Both times I was induced, the first was a 44hr labour (less than an hour away from EMCS due to my waters being broken for too long), and the second was a 25hr labour with ventouse, episiotomy, and a prolapsed vagina. Neither were particularly traumatic (they were just difficult) but seeing my mutilated vulva did bring me to tears.

I'm hoping for a natural labour this time around! We'll see...

If it helps - I did everything. Yoga, hypnobirthing, so much positive birth prep. Still ended up the same way and I did feel a bit cheated and extra crap that it still didn’t work out

@Wishihaddone My youngest is now 24 but I completely understand your feelings! My first was an EMCS after labouring for 36 hours, not really progressing, big (10.5 lbs) baby coming down at an angle - forceps tried but gave up very quickly (luckily) and had a GA. I regret missing his first cry, his first feed, my DH did the first nappy change, first bath etc.
#2 was a different story -- fast 'proper' labour, got fully dilated within 4 hours but he got stuck by his shoulders - another big baby at 10.5lbs. EMCS and I heard his first cry but they took ages to stitch me up and I didn't see him for nearly 2 hours.

#3 I was so determined to have a proper delivery I lied about my dates. Consultant wanted me to have a planned section at 38 weeks but I persuaded him to let me go to 39 weeks (which was actually 41 weeks) but no hint of labour. Resulting baby (same weight as the others) was attached very high up with a very short cord so would never have been born normally without one or both of us dying.
Even though I knew all 3 sections were essential, it took over 10 years for me to accept that I wasn't a failure because I hadn't birthed my babies 'normally'. Being able to breastfeed them all for over a year each helped but it was an overwhelming feeling of perceived failure that I had to find a way to deal with. Time helps.

I feel exactly the same and I had a forceps delivery. Wish I'd experienced the relief and victory or pushing her out. My whole birth plan was around experiencing it all, I wanted as natural as possible with little intervention or pain relief. Managed to get all the way to the finish line and she ended up being in a "brow" presentation so unassisted delivery was not possible and I felt so cheated. Not sure if I'll have another so I do sometimes feel sad that I didn't get to experience what I really wanted to experience.

I always wanted a natural birth. Was terrified to have a CS. With DD I had a crash CS to save her life after her heartbeat dropped dangerously. I was just greatfull they saved her life.

with DS I was the exact opposite. I was so traumatised with Dds birth I wanted an elected CS. They wanted me to try for a VBAC and tried to pressure me. “Luckily” DS was breech.

I never went into labour with either of mines. Part of me wishes I had experienced it. In theory I could have tried with DS after him being turned but I was so scared of another traumatic birth I refused to have him turned. Now 20 years down the line I get a twinge of jealousy when I see people in labour or giving birth on tv.