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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just checking-what is the norm for buying outfit for pageboys, the marrieds or the parents?

40 replies

mousemole · 27/03/2008 15:52

SIL is getting married and DS1 aged 3 is pageboy. We have been asked to pay for the outfit. Is this normal ? Just dont know. When we got married I paid for my neices and nephews outfits.

OP posts:
meemar · 27/03/2008 15:54

I would expect that if they want him to wear a specific outfit they would pay.

If they don't mind you choosing his clothes (as long as appropriate) then you would pay.

If you are paying though, make sure it's nothing too weddingy so he can wear it again.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 27/03/2008 15:54

Think it depends on the type of wedding/budget.

I've had bridesmaid dresses paid for by the couple and had to pay for one myself. Didn't bother me either way - its nice to be asked in the first place

sophiewd · 27/03/2008 15:56

The ones getting married usually

pedilia · 27/03/2008 15:57

I would expect those getting married to pay, I would be a bit annoyed if I was asked to fork out for it.

Original poster
mousemole · 27/03/2008 16:01

hmm, i think I am being expected to pay and have no choice. In fact she has mentioned hiring a suit to match the ushers which costs £70 which he can clearly never wear again. I gently suggested buying something he could wear again from BHS or Next (they have some lovely little summer linen suits) or ebay but didn't seem to go down too well and was met with silence. its a tricky one as she is VERY stressed about her wedding and I am aware of this but on the other hand we are trying very hard not to spend money on unecessary things.

OP posts:
perpetualworrier · 27/03/2008 16:02

I think the couple should pay, but know it's not unsual for birdesmaids etc to be asked to. If I was paying for my DS's outfit, I would expect to have some considerable say in what it was.

alicet · 27/03/2008 16:03

I would usually expect those getting married to pay for it unless you can choose what he wears. Maybe I'd expect to pay for things like shoes that he would wear again.

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses but asked that they pay for their own shoes (which I chose as I wanted them to all have the same but I gave them some input and chose ones they would all wear again).

A friend made her bridesmaids pay for their dresses as she 'couldn't afford it'. this was in the context of a wedding costing approx 30K where the bride's dress cost 3-4K. Up to them how much they spend on their wedding but I think asking the bridesmaids to fork out £200 on dresses they hadn't chosen and wouldn't wear again was well out of order.

Have to say that personally I wouldn't have been comfortable expecting my bridesmaids to pay and would only ask someone to pay for their outfit it they could choose it and I would also expect that they may decline to be an attendant if they didn't want to pay for the outfit.

posieflump · 27/03/2008 16:03

Why don't you have a word with your brother?
Just tell him you can't afford to pay £70 for something that will go back to the hire shop.

Mum2b2BabyRoo · 27/03/2008 16:04

I always think it is up to those getting married to pay. A friend of mine in NZ asked me to be a bridesmaid and asked me to pay for the dress - which I thought unbelievable rude - especially as I was already forking out a fortune for the flight!

cornsilk · 27/03/2008 16:05

If they're insisting on a specific outfit then they should pay. If you pay then you choose the outfit, only fair.

alicet · 27/03/2008 16:06

cross posted with your last post mousemole.

I would be horrified to have to pay £70 to hire a suit for my little boy to wear once!!!! I think it may be appropriate to explain to your friend that there is no way you can afford this at the moment. That you are very happy to look for some cheaper alternatives that will coordinate with the ushers but that if this is not an option for her then ds won't be able to be a page boy.

OK so being asked to be an attendant at a wedding is an honour of sorts but there are limits!!!!

MadamePlatypus · 27/03/2008 16:07

I think marrieds should pay - its a bit rude to ask someone to do something that involves them spending money. If they don't, it should certainly be something that can be worn again.

You can offer to pay, but it shouldn't be expected.

However, I wouldn't have any problem saying to a relative that £70 is too expensive. (I also think a linen summer suit much nicer than an usher's suit for a little boy, but not my wedding).

Original poster
mousemole · 27/03/2008 16:08

Mum2b2BabyRoo - I think that was a VERY unreasonable request, crikey ! posieflump, wish it was my brother, that would be easy but its my husbands sister. He hates confrontation and is famouly rubbish at talking face to face about 'issues' so everything has to be sorted by me. I would be happy to buy shoes, even shirt but really not a suit as lets face it, he wont wear it again as we have no occasion to this year bar her wedding.

OP posts:
alicet · 27/03/2008 16:09

Just to add that on the other side of the coin at my wedding I had one little girl bridesmaids and the rest adults. I told her mum that I was very happy for her to have something different to the adult bridesmaids who were all wearing pink dresses made from the same material but in different styles. She chose to have a cream dress which was fine but sent me a list of several dresses she had seem all costing about £150!!! Which blew my budget by quite some way and I thought totally excessive for a 6 year old! So it goes both ways too....

MadamePlatypus · 27/03/2008 16:12

Also, mousemole, being a pageboy isn't that much fun for a 3 year old IMO. Does she have a realistic idea of what he will find interesting or does she just want a small person to fill a suit?

Bouncingturtle · 27/03/2008 16:19

I would expect the bride and groom to pay.
Bit cheeky to ask you to pay, IMO.

perpetualworrier · 27/03/2008 16:20

Madameplatypus makes a good point. My sister had her and her DH to be's nephews in pageboy type outfits for the photos (paid for by my Dad), but they weren't expected to "perform" as pageboys.

I also have to say that taking 2 boys, of 2 & 4 at the time, to an adults only wedding (only the 4 pageboys there) was one of the most stressful days of my life.

maisemor · 27/03/2008 16:20

Call her up and tell her that you understand that this day is extremely important to her and that you will help her as much as you can to make it perfect for her. However there is no way you can afford that kind of money on an outfit that is only going to be worn once (then hope he is not going to be a pageboy again anytime soon ), but maybe if you split the costs (if £35 is okay with you) down the middle?

posieflump · 27/03/2008 16:22

oh right , it's your dh's sister.
Hmmmm.... think you need to tell him to get a backbone and talk to her!! Unless he can afford not to?!!

Chequers · 27/03/2008 16:25

Message withdrawn

Bouncingturtle · 27/03/2008 16:26

Oh my stepson was a page boy at my wedding when he was 2.5. He had a very important job - he entertained the guests by singing baa baa black sheep during our wedding vows
He did look incredibly cute in his (hired) outfit which was identical to DH's and our Best Man's... but so glad we paid a little bit extra to insure it as he decorated with tomato ketchup! Well it was bound to happen.

Beeper · 27/03/2008 16:40

They pay of course, its a honor for them to have your son as a memeber of the wedding party.

soopermum1 · 27/03/2008 16:44

i paid for my bridesmaid's outfit, shoes etc and made sure the outfit was the sort she liked (full consultation) and could wear again.

stealthsquiggle · 27/03/2008 16:53

We paid for our bridesmaids dresses even though we were broke (they were even poorer at the time) and I chose dresses, with their input, which they could wear again and gave them to them as presents.

On the other hand DH paid to hire DS's suit for another wedding, and it was about that amount!

Could you get the spec of what she wants and then see if you can find something similar on ebay? Or just tell her you really can't afford it so unless you can find a cheaper solution between you DS can't be a pageboy? If it is dark suit and wasitcoat, for example, then she could hire the waistcoat so that it matches the others, and you could source a suit more cheaply elsewhere?

BrownSuga · 27/03/2008 16:54

I bought the fabric/patterns for my b/maids, they had them made. But for the flowergirls/pageboys, I paid for their outfits.

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