To be fed up that DH never comes out with me and our child

[taromilk]

Our child is 18 months, and is our first. DH is a great dad, does his part round our house and with our DC so I can’t complain about that.

the thing that bothers me is that he very rarely comes out with us when we go out. He does work long hours (I work full time too) but when we are both off the same day he mostly wants to stay in or he goes out somewhere else but doesn’t want to come out with us. Last time we went out as a family was way before Christmas.
he doesn’t enjoy going for walks with us, or lunch, or things that our child will enjoy like the farm or the park. Or come with me to family events.

im getting really fed up of going out on my own all the time, not because I don’t enjoy it, I love going out with my child. Its just harder having to get pram out alone, finding somewhere to go toilet with a young child, that adult convo, even tho it was much harder with a newborn. I meet friends and family but can’t all the time.

i have expressed this to him but he just doesn’t want to, he wants to chill at home. He does take our child out very occasionally, but not often. Just can’t be bothered to go out with all of us.

Nothing wrong in our relationship either.

should I let it go and stop moaning because everything else is good? I guess you can’t have it all. But I just feel really sad tbh and feel like a single mum when out, and jealous when I see mum’s walking with their partner and children.

Sounds like he didnt really want a child

Honestly I think this is really selfish of him and I would be giving him some kind of ultimatum because like you said at the moment your basically a single parent anyway!

I sometimes go out without my husband- to the park or cafe or something. But if we’re going to a museum or farm park he would absolutely be coming.
If he tries to never come even on ‘proper’ day trips, then I would be very annoyed.

Did he want a child?

What did you do before child was born?

Can you do.more of that sort of thing, meals out etc

Unacceptable I’d say. Tbh it sounds really sad. Does he not want to spend time with his child and you? If say you didn’t suggest going out at all then he’d be happy that his child was just staying in all the time? I’d be pretty offended and wouldn’t class that as being a good dad tbh. You haven’t been out as a family for 3 months? Seen as you both work FT I assume your main quality time as a family is weekends and he doesn’t want to spend them with you both. Your child’s lucky he’s got you - at least he has one parent who puts him first.

He sounds like a selfish arse who only wants to be a part time dad.

Children need to be out and about, they need to learn about the world, socialise, get fresh air, and exercise. It would not be ok to keep your child inside 'chilling out' for the entire weekend for example.

So he isn't a great dad, as if he refuses to take your child out, he is not meeting a large number of their basic needs, and also its doubling your workload when you go out.

Most people would rather chill at home, or go out and do fun things, rather than go feed the ducks or look at trains or go to the playpark. But they do it because that's what being a parent is - doing things that will benefit your child.

He should really make an effort but it is hard when he just wants to stay at home and relax. That's not reality when you have kids, you have to keep them stimulated and have fresh air. Some men find it hard to adjust unfortunately

He did want a child.
he doesn’t want to go out much. Before kids we used to go pub a lot, or gigs, cinema, not really something we can take a toddler to. Tbf I’ve always been the more outdoorsy person and I love being out, I can’t stay in all the time. I just didn’t think he would not be interested in doing anything with us outside our home so it’s been really hard sometimes, especially in the newborn stage. It felt quite lonely on mat leave.

Surely he can compromise - a weekend alone, a weekend as a family, a weekend where he takes DC out?

I am curious like other posters - how does he feel if you all stay at home together? Is that when he decides to go out alone?

Tried compromising but he never comes anyway. Hes ok but can get frustrated because our child will run riot if we all stay in. He only goes out if he’s going out for drinks with friends, or to a cricket game or another sports game to watch.

What would happen if you wanted to go somewhere at the weekend on your own? Would he be happy to look after your DC in the house or are you the default parent at weekends?

I’ve had a night away before and he’s happy to look after him but it’s rare they go out.

He doesn’t like going out for lunch???

What is your definition of a great dad, as he doesn’t seem to be one to me?

No he never wants to :(

Can I ask why you think he is a good dad?

I think you need to ask him if he actually wants to be a parent? He seems to have outsourced it all to you.

He looks after him, makes sure he is loved and fed, plays with him at home. Takes him to nursery sometimes and picks him up. He made a big fuss on his birthday (we did go out then) splits the night wakings with me when he wouldn’t sleep

He has a really selfish attitude "it's the weekend I just want to crash and do fuck all". That's what a teenager says. He's stuck in some sort of arrested development syndrome.

How can you think there are no problems in your relationship and he’s a great dad? If he never wants to come out with you it’s because a) he doesn’t want to spend time out with your child or b) he doesn’t want to spend time with you. Things are not ok here OP.

These replies are confirming to me tbh that I’m not being funny because I’m always going out alone, I thought it was my own issue

He looks after him, makes sure he is loved and fed, plays with him at home. Takes him to nursery sometimes and picks him up.

That's the bare minimum of parenting.

Can he take the kid to the cricket?

I’ve had a night away before and he’s happy to look after him but it’s rare they go out

As rubbish as it is, I think you just have to start leaving him to look after your DC independently and divide your weekends into solo down time, if he’s not into the same things as you are. He doesn’t have to take your DC out as long as he is engaging with him and keeping him safe in the house. Maybe have a weekend day each where you do your own thing and a weekend day each of looking after DC. If the reality of having your DC on his own every week is a shock it might spur him into a bit more action re: doing things as a family…