Low level alcoholism?

[pinkmushroom5]

Most days, I crave a drink.

I never actually get drunk - it's normally just a couple of measures of a spirit, a glass of wine, or a beer, and I don't actually have it every day - probably 4 nights a week. I've been like this for years and I've never had more of a problem with alcohol than this.

But it is definitely a craving, it gives me a release, and sometimes it is secretive behaviour - e.g. I'll have it before my other half gets in from work, so he doesn't know.

AIBU to think that this is a problem/ low level alcoholism? Or is it fine?

YABU - it's fine, nothing to worry about
YANBU - it's a problem

I think we need more info. Do you always stop at 1? So you have one drink 4 nights a week? Because on the face of it that’s not bad.

Why do you feel the need to be secretive? Would your DH not be happy if you had one glass of wine with dinner?

What stops you on the other days? Does the craving pass?

I think the secretive drinking is more concerning than anything else. Why are you hiding it?

Could you stop drinking today and not drink again for x number of weeks?

Does the amount you're drinking concern you for your health? Cancer risk? Weight gain? Liver etc?

It's only a problem if it bothers you, or the people close to you.

What would happen if you had to stop drinking (e.g. for a medical reason)?

There’s your answer.

Sometimes I will have up to three drinks (maybe once or twice a week). It's never more than three. Sometimes I stop at one.

I guess I feel secretive because my OH is squeaky clean - he's very much in control of his vices - he doesn't really have any except a single square of chocolate in the evening!

Of course we'll have wine when we go out/ with dinner etc., but I do feel a bit judged if he comes in and I'm drinking on my own, so I do hide it. It's not that he 'wouldn't be happy', just that I feel a bit embarrassed by it.

I think it's because I see drinking at home on your own as a bit sad, or something? I don't know why I feel the need to do it and wish I could just drink socially, but it seems to be a release that I need - so in that sense I worry it's a bit of a dependency.

On the days when I don't drink, I am just busy/ with my OH or friends or working all day/ don't have the craving as strongly.

I wouldn't struggle to stop for a medical reason, if I absolutely had to.

But I would struggle to just 'decide' to stop, if that makes sense.

The secrecy is more concerning than the amount.
I don’t drink but I don’t judge others. A glass of wine with your meal is fine. Is your OH really judgemental or are you projecting your own feelings?

I think I'm projecting my own feelings - because he has no real vices and doesn't have the same cravings - I'm trying to be the same (or seem like I'm the same!).... but actually, sometimes I just want a drink!

I’m not medically trained so feel free to ignore me, but at this point, it sounds like a habit, rather than actual dependency. Like someone craving chocolate or another sugary treat several times a week, and feeling guilty about having it.

I’ve had spells when I’ve had a glass of wine several times a week and I also started to feel that it wasn’t a healthy habit., so I reduced it. Perhaps try cutting down to three times and week and gradually to two. I suspect that the cravings will pass once you get used to having less.

I drink wine once, occasionally twice a week now and feel comfortable with that. Good luck. 💐

It does sound like it’s your ‘treat’ and a habit rather than a massive problem. And if you want to knock it on the head and just drink socially you may want to try and find another ‘treat’

I like the Trip drinks - they are quite relaxing. But I mainly cut down drinking at home as it was affecting my sleep - even one glass. So I mainly just drink socially now. I do understand that feeling of looking forward to a glass of wine though!

I think you need to reframe the question.

Don’t focus on whether you meet the technical definition of being an alcoholic, it’s not meaningful.

Focus on how you feel about the issue. The issue is that dependence is setting in. You are thinking a lot whether to have a drink or not. It’s central to your life.

Whether you are drinking to an unhealthy level or not I don’t know. But you are preoccupied by it and that suggests it has an unhealthy degree of influence on you. I would try going without for a bit.

Thanks all! @Thepeopleversuswork you are right. I think I will try a dry spell and see how it goes.

Missing the point of your thread, but your husband sounds a bit uptight. Just the one square of chocolate???

@StormKevin His iron will is probably contributing to the OP’s guilty feelings! Although I find that buying minis are a great way to restraint my chocolate consumption.😂

If you are drinking less than 14 units then by the NHSs own admission you are healthy.
I think it's admirable to crave it but be able to stick to one a night. Of course if you are concerned then maybe move onto a lower alcohol beer, spritzer instead of a wine etc. I'd say knocking the spirits on the head would be good. I say that from someone who got very sick from drinking and I know you're not like that.
But certainly don't feel guilty as the level your at is not hugely harmful. It's obviously healthier to abstain but you might go onto another vice if you try and remove it fully too quickly.

Honestly, that sounds fine. I guess your husbands attitude is why you’re being secretive. I bet you stopped easily when pregnant. I wouldn’t worry.

I totally get this! What if you lived with a party animal friend who drank every day? Would you still worry about your own drinking?

From what you've said it doesn't sound like you drink too much and you're obviously self aware about it.

So could it just be that you're measuring yourself against your saintly husband?

I don't drink myself so normally I think there is a problem when ppl post this sort of question. But honestly, your husband can limit himself to 1 square of chocolate? You stop at 3 drinks maximum.... I think maybe you don't have a problem apart from his judgement.

I'd try a dry spell and see how you find it, but I think it's probably his judgement that makes you feel secretive.

It's not just about the amount a person drinks, it's about the reasons behind feeling the need to do so.
At this point you feel the need to drink frequently between 1 and 3 drinks, might be wine, might be spirits, several times a week. You use it to get a feeling of 'release', or another way to phrase it, escape. You are secretive about it. None of these things say you have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
The secrecy might be caused by concern over your partner's attitude to such things, but you could be using that subconsciously as a reason to justify your secrecy.
Would you admit to others you drank 4 of the last 7 nights, and do similar every week? If not, then you know you're hiding it because you don't think it's right.
Could you could go without drink and not think about it for weeks, with no end date (so not 'dry January' style abstinence)? If not you have a problematic relationship with alcohol.

The good thing is you've recognised there could be an issue before it gets out of hand and starts to take over and ruin your life, and the lives of those you love. Seek out support before it progresses, your GP can sign post you, or Google local support services.

Be wary of what some people on here say. Many have no experience of the presentation and effects of alcoholism and use stereotypes as the benchmark for their 'advice'. Just because you're not waking up and brushing your teeth with vodka doesn't mean you don't have a problem.

Ask your liver how it feels about it.

Try a nice glass of freshly squeezed orange juice or similar or a glass of diet coke with some nice ice.

Why is it that it has to be booze depressing.

Sparkling water is another good alternative. I often have it with cordial and it tastes like a treat drink. 😋

The fact you're giving it so much headspace means it's an issue for you. You know it's something you crave and and it's something youre embarrassed about so by your standards, you know changes are needed. I'm very similar to you and now in day 80 alcohol free. Now it's gone from my head ( I aim for a year ) I feel so liberated, less tired, sharper and generally fitter and healthier. Give it a try and see how you feel

Problem is if you don't like sweet drinks.

I like a glass of wine or beer because the taste can be interesting/complex/bitter/non-sweet etc., I've found less variety in soft drinks - they tend to just be sweet. The only non-alcoholic cold drink that I like as a treat is tonic water (but even that's sugary really!). Aside from that, it's tea and coffee (which I drink a lot of!).

Non-alcoholic beers and wines tend to not taste particularly nice (only non-drinkers think they taste decent / the same). Plus non-alcoholic beer makes me really gassy in a way that alcoholic beer never does (tends to be fizzier for some reason?)

That's definitely not a drink problem OP. Sounds like you enjoy it, so why not.

I think you've got a very clean and a bit uptight DH. You should absolutely not feel guilty about your glass of wine and neither should be made to feel that way. You're feeling bad because you're anticipating his reaction or disapproval. I bet if he was out for the night, it would feel fine, no guilt.

Enjoy your wine!