Low level alcoholism?

[pinkmushroom5]

Most days, I crave a drink.

I never actually get drunk - it's normally just a couple of measures of a spirit, a glass of wine, or a beer, and I don't actually have it every day - probably 4 nights a week. I've been like this for years and I've never had more of a problem with alcohol than this.

But it is definitely a craving, it gives me a release, and sometimes it is secretive behaviour - e.g. I'll have it before my other half gets in from work, so he doesn't know.

AIBU to think that this is a problem/ low level alcoholism? Or is it fine?

YABU - it's fine, nothing to worry about
YANBU - it's a problem

It doesn't sound like dependency to me. It sounds like you enjoy something that you know isn't particularly good for you and that you probably worry your dh would judge you for.

My habits are very similar to yours and I have questioned my relationship with alcohol especially when I try to give up ( for example dry January) and end up failing quite early on because I miss having a drink and adopt the 'life's too short' mentality.

However I also struggle to give up crisps and cake because I like them too.

We're all allowed vices. Providing you're not unhealthy or it's becoming detrimental to other areas of your life then I don't see the issue. I also wouldn't be hiding it from a partner - if they have a problem with this low level drinking then that's their issue not yours. Would your partner respond well if you shamed them about doing something they enjoy?

You’re not an alcoholic (I say this as an alcoholic!), but it sounds like you do have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. You don’t have to be drinking a litre of vodka a day to have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. It’s about the fixation, the secrecy, the energy and headspace it sounds like it’s taking up for you.

You aren’t physically dependent, which is great. Just stop and have a break for 3 months. I never realised how great other ways of relaxing were until I stopped relying on alcohol. And my mind is so free now. I’m never thinking about it anymore. Or making rules to follow. Or questioning my behaviour or feeling embarrassed about my drinking. It’s incredibly freeing to let go of all that extra overthinking.

I'm an alky in recovery for many years and would say you're probably not an alcoholic. Sounds like you drink a sensible amount and can stop at one or two (which is the biggest problem for alcoholics, not the frequency). Hiding drinking from you partner sounds a bit sad and joyless though. You should be allowed to be yourself around them.

Wow, thank you everyone for the insightful and wise comments. I have read them all and agree I'm not an alcoholic, but I do have a slightly unhealthy relationship with alcohol, so I am going to try cutting it out for a month and see how I feel.

Is your husband Ned Flanders?

How are you doing, almost a month on?