Birthday present for half siblings

[IkL]

I have 3 stepchildren 11, 14, 16
They are great kids and relationship is not problematic with their mum.
I have 2 girls 4 and 8. 8 years old is inseparable with 11 years old half sister . Very close when they are together. My daughter had a birthday party and was not the weekend when half siblings are with us so obviously we invited her and her older half sister came too ( probably because it was a pony party 😊) and she made her cute present herself. And we asked her if they need money to buy one. And she said no, probably didn't ask her younger sister.
Anyway. 11 years old had to wrap up her old pencil case as a present. ( I know it's not about the presents, but thought or whatever, but kids do care) It happened last year too but we thought that they are with us that weekend then it was a nice gesture from her to give her half sister something.
But this time we went to get them and it was a proper birthday party.
To be honest I wouldn't mind to give her money to buy something, I'll be smarter next time. But the fact that child is put through this now twice. Her feelings to not being able to get something new but give something old and to be honest broken. It was sweet and thoughtful and wrapped with the made card tho.
And there is no issue with the money in the other end.
So would you get a birthday present to your ex's child if half siblings are close and invited to the party? Or I'm just being naive and overreacting?
Thank you.

I would have taken her shopping and bought the gift myself tbh.

I would assume their shared father would take responsibility for sorting gifts

If they were both your bio children, you’d help them buy presents for each other, so why isn’t their father doing the same? Why is it his ex’s job?

Their father knows exactly when the party is taking place, and what the child whose party it is likes. His ex doesn’t know either of those things.

And what has the father got today about it? Did he want to put his hand in his pocket ?

I would say it’s the joint parents responsibility

Agree that this is dad’s responsibility and not up to the ex. Let him take on some of that mental load

I'd imagine the ex had assumed their father had sorted the present as he is the one taking them to the party during his contact time and that the birthday child is his child.

If I was the ex in this situation I'd assume everything had been handled unless told otherwise (eg: "sorry ex, we've not had time to take suzie shopping for her sisters birthday next week, we've given her some money to get something, would you mind taking her?") And tbh even then I'd feel reasonable in saying no if it wasn't convenient.

You are all right . He could have done that 🤔. Or i could ( as usual) he doesn't see a problem in there by dumping all load on me. I have been lately expressing my thoughts about it but it is a different story. I could write a book 🙄😀

I can kind of see why the ex didn’t bother if she spent all those years picking up everything for him. Beauty of divorce is that she doesn’t have to now!

Yup - fathers (or your responsibility) just as you would take responsibility for buying or supporting the purchase of presents from 'full' siblings.

Thank you for your response. It wasn't our weekend this time. And usually she gets a present and informs him that he needs to take her to the party next day without warning. It's annoying if we had made plans.

It is your partner's responsibility to ensure his older child had the money to buy your child a present (their step sister). Do not make thos a complaint against their mother. If you feel sorry for your stepchild having to give their own belongings ensure she has the cash to buy a present or ask her what she would like to give her SS and you buy it for her to give.

Echoing the above comments. If I was the ex wife, I would assume that the ex husband would sort this out as they are all his children.

Your husband could have sorted this within 3 clicks on his phone. Is it too late to order something from Amazon on her behalf?

Maybe next time it's one of the kids birthdays, your husband (or you) can take his children out/go online and get them to pick something for the birthday girl/boy.

Regardless of whos party it us, whether it is your half sister or a friend from school, you should take a present. That’s basic party etiquette.

Do your bio children buy their full siblings birthday presents? I have 2 children no step kids or half siblings. They go to each others birthday parties and dont buy presents for each other. I didnt realise child siblings bought each other presents. Adult siblings yes.

The gift giving mum could have asked if present sorted got answer yes?

I would assume their father to sort ,🤷‍♀️I don't think the above is unreasonable?

So you think this time you can dump what he's dumped on you onto his ex!

As someone who grew up in a blended family: I agree with the above posters. It isn’t the ex-wife’s responsibility to buy a gift for her ex-husband’s child with his new wife. That falls on the husband.

Thank you everyone. I totally agree. You made it easier to understand their mum's point of view.
I could have or dad taken her shopping. I did ask him to transfer some money to older siblings account but she said that they are ok. Maybe it was too late as I was too busy organising everything else. Thank you again. Will be more mindful next time around. And put more pressure on their dad 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 why they don't think about these things themselves 🤯
But to be honest the oldest one did buy her a small Lego, which was really lovely from him. But he got his own earnings from dad's business.

I’ve got a step child and we buy the gifts from stepchild to their half sibling at my house. It wouldn’t occur to me that her mum would

So would you get a birthday present to your ex's child if half siblings are close and invited to the party? Or I'm just being naive and overreacting?

Hell would freeze over before my step-children's mother even acknowledged that they have another sibling. He doesn't exist when they are with her.

Of course the dad should have done it! Why the mother?? My kids have two half brothers and their father made sure they had a gift for our kids when they were too young to sort it themselves. Jeez! It probably didn't even occur to her! My kids father got his older kids presents from us all - I also gave my step kids presents. But I certainly wouldn't expect my husband's ex wife to be buying my kids presents (though she did give our first born a lovely gift).

Not really. I just needed some light. That's why I asked you... Other mothers. 😉

Agree with others, definitely their df's responsibility!

My step daughter's mother is married with another child and we always get her a present for her birthday and christmas and they do with our son too