Birthday present for half siblings

[IkL]

I have 3 stepchildren 11, 14, 16
They are great kids and relationship is not problematic with their mum.
I have 2 girls 4 and 8. 8 years old is inseparable with 11 years old half sister . Very close when they are together. My daughter had a birthday party and was not the weekend when half siblings are with us so obviously we invited her and her older half sister came too ( probably because it was a pony party 😊) and she made her cute present herself. And we asked her if they need money to buy one. And she said no, probably didn't ask her younger sister.
Anyway. 11 years old had to wrap up her old pencil case as a present. ( I know it's not about the presents, but thought or whatever, but kids do care) It happened last year too but we thought that they are with us that weekend then it was a nice gesture from her to give her half sister something.
But this time we went to get them and it was a proper birthday party.
To be honest I wouldn't mind to give her money to buy something, I'll be smarter next time. But the fact that child is put through this now twice. Her feelings to not being able to get something new but give something old and to be honest broken. It was sweet and thoughtful and wrapped with the made card tho.
And there is no issue with the money in the other end.
So would you get a birthday present to your ex's child if half siblings are close and invited to the party? Or I'm just being naive and overreacting?
Thank you.

I felt when reading your posts there are light digs at the ex.

I’d expect her dad to provide the money to buy the gifts for his children 😂
same as if one of your children was buying a gift for the other one you’d pay for it.

You are absolutely right. I was just naive. I just thought that it will be treated as any other birthday invitation. As any other time, she came with the present and dad would take her to the party. Definitely, I would not put my own child and any other child through thing like it no matter what's the history. Or notice that she's wrapping something used and let the father know what's happening. As I said, he asked if they need money and they said no, presuming that all is good. But again, I was just naive. I felt sorry for both girls.
But definitely agree that dad should have thought about that before. And thanks to your all "light shining the right direction" we will be more organised and mindful.

i would have ensured a gift no matter who the recipient, but some people just hate the step kids and the new partner. My kids ( or my husband) don’t even get an invite to his kids parties.

it sounds like you did try so I wouldn’t be hard on yourself - you had loads going on.

You are assuming she saw her dd wrapping the present. I think the confusion has been created by your dh

if I were her I wouldn’t be impressed by him saying - I’ll give you money so you can do my job. Particularly if her whole marriage involved her doing all the crap stuff.

hopefully this is a lesson to your DH that he needs to step up and not assume the women in his life will do everything for his kids

Thank you

I am not from a blended family but I have three full siblings and no they did not bring a present to my birthday parties, they were just there, part of my family.

I am shocked that you are blaming the ex and not your waste of space husband. Do you generally think men are above women and should not have to deal with such drudgery.

Yabvu that's all on her useless dad.

Don’t say you should have taken her, her DAD should have taken her!

Do you end up taking care of his kids during HIS contact time?

If the party fell on my weekend as the mother I would sort the gift for their step-sibling. If it fell on their dads and we co parented well I.think I would still check it was sorted but would expect him to purchase.
I would definitely not let our child be stuck in the middle and embarrassed.

Pretty much yes. Well I know, it just somehow happened. It's been hard, but they are great kids and end of the day I hope that they will appreciate it.

A gift should have been purchased but it’s not for the child’s mum to sort surely, but her father. I mean I might ask my ex if he had purchased anything as a reminder but I probably wouldn’t go out and get anything no

But why should he get away with passing his responsibility to you? You can still love your DSC and spend time with them whilst pushing the responsibility firmly back to DH. What’s his excuse?

This is the second thread recently where a step-mum has a shit partner but can’t confront it so chooses to focus on the ex instead.

In all honesty, step mum to step mum, you are best off not giving this headspace and making it dad's problem

Agree

Pretty much yes. Well I know, it just somehow happened. It's been hard, but they are great kids and end of the day I hope that they will appreciate it.

Oh op - you're being taken for a mug. You have much bigger issues than a birthday present - bet you do the majority of the work around the house, takes on all the mental load etc