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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by my friend for saying

38 replies

SheSellsSanctury · 27/03/2008 14:34

"i hope when i next get pregnant i have another girl as i dont like boys" infront of my 4yr old DS. When i was putting my DS to bed he said "mummy do you like girls too". I felt really upset for him as he must have been thinking about this all day.

She does seem to think that she is so lucky to have had a little girl, even to the point of asking another friend if she was dissapointed when she had her second son

I have a DS and a DD and love them because they are my children and feel lucky to have 2 happy, healthy children regardless of which sex they are.

AIBU to want to steer clear of this so called friend in the future.

OP posts:
barnstaple · 27/03/2008 14:39

Sounds like she's over-compensating! Prob desperately disappointed not to have had a boy and is screamingly jealous. If you do see her again and she makes a similar comment, you could ask her if she's just over-compensating... couldn't you?

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 27/03/2008 14:42

She's thoughtless and rude, but apart from her saying that in front of your ds, is she a good friend? If yes I would just tell her next you see her to be more careful what she says in earshit of your kids.

Blueskythinker · 27/03/2008 14:42

Penis envy is a dreadful thing.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 27/03/2008 14:42

earSHOT, not earshit. Sorry!

tensmum · 27/03/2008 14:44

Now I'm disapointed, I liked earshit.

Chequers · 27/03/2008 14:46

Message withdrawn

Original poster
SheSellsSanctury · 27/03/2008 14:53

I liked earshit too!

We worked for the same company before we had our DD's and do get along but i sometimes cringe at what she says. A girl she knew had a little girl after 3 boys and she said, infront of our friend with the 2 sons, "ah she will be so happy now she has a girl" as if she would have been unhappy with her boys before!

I dont think it has really bothered by DS but I did wonder if she knew how rude she had been.

OP posts:
Bouncingturtle · 27/03/2008 14:58

I'm glad your ds was not bothered by it. I must admit when pg with ds, was hoping for a girl, but I wouldn't swap my little man for the world
Horrible rude woman IMO.

waffletrees · 27/03/2008 15:15

I had twos DS and have now lost count the times I have been asked if I am going to try for a girl. I tell them I feel blessed to have 2 healthy boys. Some people are idiots.

micegg · 27/03/2008 15:20

I would tell her what your DS said and ask her to be a bit more careful what she says around him in future. It would depend on how good a friend she is. If she was a good friend in all other respects I would leave it there. If she wasn't I wouldn't say anything and would perhaps try and avoid her.

bozza · 27/03/2008 15:24

No YANBU to be annoyed that your friend has upset/worried your little boy (who sounds lovely) unnecessarily.

geekgirl · 27/03/2008 15:30

what a cow!
A school gate 'friend' used to do the same when pg - thankfully my ds was only 1.5 then so didn't pick up on it. Bit rich considering her older child (a girl) is an absolute horror - I'm sure there's a 666 somewhere under her blonde locks.

marymungoandmidge · 27/03/2008 15:40

I think people who say things like this are really jealous and I'd take the approach of gloating that you had a boy and a girl just to wind her up!(even though rational intelligent women dont mind what sex they have as long as the baby is healthy)

Original poster
SheSellsSanctury · 27/03/2008 15:43

Having a BIL & SIL who have been through 4 lots of unsucessfull IVF and a friend who, get your hankies out for this one, tried for 19 years to concieve before going for IVF only to be told by the nurse on the first morning of the treatment that she could not start as she was already pregnant, I just think she should be grateful that she already has a healthy child.

I am seriously worried if she does get pregnant again, she has it all planned down to the date of conception and has a little boy how she will feel.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 27/03/2008 15:55

I have a friend who says things like that too .

Another friend is expecting a baby which we know is to be a boy. She said to my preg friend "oh Fimbo will be happy you are having a boy, she won't feel so out of it". The rest of my friends all have girls the same age as ds, even although I do have a dd and the new baby is going to have a 5 year age gap with my ds!

Arggh.

Ignore the woman, luckily my ds hasn't picked up on it yet.

alicet · 27/03/2008 16:19

I have 2 ds's and I too am fed up of people asking when we will try for a girl. Have to admit when pg with ds2 I did to start with hope he was a girl but before finding out at my 20 week scan had decided there were pros and cons to each.

Agree that I'm delighted to have 2 happy healthy boys and having another just isn't an option for us at the mo. And even if it was I would be very happy with a 3rd boy which lots of people just don't seem to be able to understand!

Minkus · 27/03/2008 16:47

No you certainly are not being unreasonablue! It's a nasty thing to say especially around your son.

A good friend of mine said something similar when she found out she was expecting her second. My little boy wasn't around I'm glad to say, but it hurt me to hear "I really don't want a boy girls are so much nicer" (she already has a v PFB daughter a year youger than my son). Worst of all another close friend of both of us was in the room at the time, with her 3 week old baby- yep a son- and it really felt like a smack in the teeth "Your children aren't the sort I want, they aren't good enough for the likes of me"

I am pregnant again now (gender unknown through choice!) and it makes my hormones RAGE to think about it!

(PS the evil PFB mother now has a 4 week old son too tee hee and he is gorgeous, she has revised her opinion somewhat as she is completely besotted too I'm glad to report)

Original poster
SheSellsSanctury · 27/03/2008 17:32

I am hoping that this is how she will be if she does have a little boy. I think I am more annoyed after reading these posts that it is not just her but other people who seem to think that boys not as nice as girls. My wee boy is lovely, mind you so is his sister but hey im biased!!

OP posts:
MadameCh0let · 27/03/2008 18:00

My first was a girl and I was thrilled to be honest. So when I was pg again I wanted another girl. I couldn't imagine loving a boy as much. But I was so wrong

My son is so, so, so gorgeous. He is my absolute prince and I wouldn't swap him for a row of girls dipped in platinum now!

I love my DD but I suspect that in the future there'll be a bit of conflict in our relationship. I could be wrong, but I suspect that my son and I will always have an easier less complicated relationship. I could be wrong, he's only 2!

But in the unlikely event of my having a third I would be hoping for another little boy. Not that I didn't love my dd of course.

slng · 27/03/2008 18:09

My friend who has a dd keeps telling me how lovely her dd is (and she is too) and how girls are so sympathetic etc as if boys are not! I have two ds and they are lovely (and our disagreements are shouted out and over and done with quite quickly!)

Janos · 27/03/2008 18:40

What a mean thing to say in front of your DS. Poor wee soul! My DS is 3 and I know it would upset him to hear this too.

Has she come out with similar things in the past or do you think it's just a one off?

BTW Boys are FAB. I love mine to bits and having a little boy is just great. Doesn't know what she's missing out on! Silly cow

squimlet · 27/03/2008 21:10

what a horrid thing to say. sadly my mother has always said the very same thing about me and my brother. and then she had the gall to say it when I was pg with ds (having had dd). I was not a happy bunny at all.
Some people have no flipping tact. children are gorgous regardless of whether they are boys or girls.

btw I love earshit I laughed out loud for ages...lol

cornsilk · 27/03/2008 21:12

One of the midwives said something similar afer ds2 was born. 'A boy's nice but a girl's a gift.'

handlemecarefully · 27/03/2008 21:14

No you are not unreasonable. How insensitive (and inaccurate)

cheesesarnie · 27/03/2008 21:16

she sounds like a idiot.i know someone like this who also doesnt mind saying it infront of litle boys(MY little boy).shes pregnant.

i have one dd and 2 ds's.i love them all for who they are not because of what sex they are.

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