To ask for family loan back from estate

[Valleymum2]

Mum loaned a few thousand pounds to a relative. This was built up over a few years with no attempts to repay. The relative died, and now mum has sadly passed away. Am I being unreasonable to claim the money back from the relatives estate? This may leave pretty much nothing left to the beneficiaries .

There’s very little left in the estate as the house was mortgaged and there are other debts too. The family is not well off as far as I can se but there are no dependants. The daughter has ignored the debt in the probate process and I don’t know whether to let sleeping dogs lie. I haven’t been in touch with her yet as I don’t know what to say - I was hoping they would offer to pay it back but looking very unlikely. However why should the other creditors get their money and not my mums estate

my mother gave away a lot of money to others very generously, this is a relatively small amount. However I feel she was taken advantage of and she did leave the paperwork. I think she knew the relative did not have an easy life hence hadn’t pursued it before now.

I dint understand this thinking if you let the relatives behave appallingly then the relationship will be good. But if you call in the debt as is your right, the relationship will suffer.

The relationship is crap already if it hinges on letting the other person be a CF

They definitely know about it and the loan was actually used to help finance stuff for the daughter who kept going to her mum for money

100% this.

The beneficiaries aren't entitled to money that's not there. Debts get paid first from the estate, and only then is it to be distributed. If the deceased and therefore actually left nothing once the debts are satisfied, that's just because he actually left nothing.

Go direct to solicitors they are using with the signed proof

But it never was or is your money? It’s nothing to do with you?

You might as well do this, as you've already gone as far as checking that you can and a solicitor has okayed it. The argument against - which is that your mum had form for giving away money and chose not to pursue this hence was fine to let it slide - hasn't stopped you taking it this far so crack on and claim it.

They remortgaged their house to give money to the daughter. So really the reason for not much inheritance left is cos the daughter has already accessed all the money .

Is this woman your cousin by any chance?

If I honestly and truthfully had no relationship with them and seriously believed she was the sort of CF who would allow her parents to remortgage so that she could have all their money I might decide to go after her.

If your relative really behaved like this, its just totally different to how any of my extended family would behave that I can't get my head round it. My mum would spin in her grave if she'd known I'd pursued a debt from a cousin after her death. HOWEVER, like I say, my relatives would never behave like this in the first place.

It's a hard one. Good luck with your decision.

I agree. The fact that it’s been ignored is bad behaviour. I tend to err on the side of kindness and was not going to pursue it however when I think about it, the same respect has not been shown to either my mum or myself. There looks like there was never any intention to repay the loan and the executor of her estate is clearly not bothered that we should lose the money that she has benefitted d trom my mums kindness

You have been asked numerous times; how much is it and how long ago was it last borrowed?
Tbh your mum had ample opportunity to pursue it and chose not to, you sound very bitter.

Thank you. Not a cousin a bit more distant that that .I think there have been issues with addiction, perhaps gambling and the money was maybe used for that. If it was my brother or sister, or my mums brothers I’d have no hesitation in letting it go. It’s the fact that I feel my mum has been taken advantage of and there was never any intention to pay back. I might try and arrange to meet and have a chat

I’m not really bitter at all about it, I’m sorry if that is the way it comes across. I just want to do the right thing - that’s a significant sim of money that could be used to benefit my children. . I think I posted the figure of 8k and it was accumulated over a period of years with signed IOUs which makes it pretty clear it was a loan and not a gift!

OP has said it’s about £8k.

OP, @Xiaoxiong raised an excellent point. If the relative isn’t quick to repay, legal fees could eat up most of the money.

Theoretically YANBU. But I think karma is likely to get this relative, anyway. What will they do now? In your place I would not go after the debt (largely because of the likely legal mess, and fees). But I would practise, practise and practise some more saying a brisk and cheerful No.

Yes I would pursue it. It should just be as easy as providing all the evidence to your solicitor and letting them deal with it. I don't think that the fact your mum, in her (presumably) old age or infirmity, did not pursue repayment means that she had intended to write off the loan. There's nothing to suggest that IMO.

Your mum lent the money to her now-deceased relative. She did not gift the money to this relative's children. Do you think your mum would rather that you and her other beneficiaries receive the £8k, or that CF financially feckless relative's daughter keeps it by default? I would be able to say with absolute confidence that my mum would want me to reclaim the money in the circumstances you are describing. I'm sure you know your mum well enough to be pretty sure of what she would want.

OP already said how much the loan is.

She doesn't sound bitter at all. She sounds a bit pissed off that someone has taken advantage of her late mum's generosity and is continuing to do so. That's very normal and understandable.

That doesn't tell me the daughter/executor knew it was a loan/debt.
If your mum was known for giving generous gifts then I imagine she assumed that's what it was....in the absence of any paperwork.
And in the absence of your mum actively chasing repayment from the estate.

To my mind if your mum was bothered she should have asked earlier, but certainly during the probate process. Given your mum has now also passed and there is limited paper trail IMHO. I would leave it.

My mum was unwell and also admitted herself she was a bit of a soft touch and also we didn’t actually have any contact details for the surviving daughter/ estate beneficiary and executor. I only realised recently how to find out the name of the solicitor dealing with the esgate.

she didn’t want to go through what I’m now going through- ie deciding what/ whether to do about it - so prioritised things that were more important to her at the time. I feel she was happy to let me deal with it in due course and I would not have encouraged her to get involved in any hassle at the time .

But is it not too late now anyway? I am guessing a fair amount of time has passed.
The executor (is that the daughter? Or solicitor?) Has to pay secured debts first. So the mortgage, then anything else. Yours will be lowest priority.
If the house was remortgagedand they were getting IOUs I would hazard a guess the estate is in negative value, certainly after funeral costs etc.
Perhaps if the house is not yet sold things have not been completed but once any remaining assets are distributed then you don't really have a claim.....as I said above I think you would struggle to show the executor knew about the loans...and you and your mum clearly knew about the death so could have chased earlier.

It sounds like you have made your mind up. If so just get your solicitor to write to theirs...no need for meetings.

It does sound like on balance you're not likely to come out ahead, if you weigh your time/energy/legal fees on one side, and how much you're likely to recover on the other side.

If you really really want to make your point you could write to the daughter and say "Rather than pursuing you for repayment and spending any of my time on this, I have written off the £8,000 loaned to your family by my incredibly generous mother. I hope you used it wisely so you are now in a position now to support yourself."

As a PP suggested, I would get advice on whether you are statute barred - the time has run out for you to pursue this through the courts.

Given the circumstances; the parents re mortgaged their house to give to their daughter, then they borrowed from your Mum, with no attempt to repay, then I think you have every right to try to claim this back.

Your mother choose not to pursue this, she lent money on more than one occasion knowing there was little chance it would ever be repaid, her good nature may have been taken advantage of, but she choose this. It may not have been your choice but it was her's.

By your account, there is unlikely to be much money in the estate so you could attempt to pursue it, allowing these negative feelings towards these people who do not have a part in your life to continue to take up space in your head or you could simply let it all go.

The end result is likely to be the same but one option leaves you with more energy to remember happy times with your mother and find other ways to bring love to the lives of your children.

Your mum lent money and didn’t chase it to get it back. It’s now not up to you to chase it because you think that money could benefit your kids. Your kids are irrelevant in this. It was your mums money and she didn’t try pursue getting it back so why do you think you have a right to it? You said in a different comment you “feel she was happy to let me deal with it in due course”. Unless she said directly get the money back it doesn’t matter what you feel she would of wanted because obviously your going to say that cos if you get it, it benefits you

I'd go to your solicitor and ask them to put in a claim on this relatives estate. Your Mum was kind enough to loan them the money but as you say kept a concrete paper trail. If she had not wanted money returned she'd have burned the signed loan note. If there is money in relatives estate then the executors first duty is to repay all debts.