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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I’m not a priority

53 replies

Tweety40 · 20/03/2024 10:01

My DP starts work at 4.30am and I work 3 evenings during the week in a new job. I understand getting up early is tiring.

I just feel a bit upset as I worked last night so got to bed at 11.30pm, baring in mind id not seen him that day. So I get into bed and try and give him a kiss and cuddle to be told that he’s trying to sleep, then rolls over. Like I said, I understand he’s tired but he didn’t even ask me how I was etc, it’s like I was not worthy of 5mins of his time, especially after not seeing him all day.

AIBU for feeling upset by this? If I didn’t try and cuddle him he wouldn’t have even known I was in bed. I could have been attacked or broke down or anything on the way home from work and he wouldn’t have known until he got up for work. Surely if you really love and care for someone you wouldn’t really be able to settle until they were home?

OP posts:
Violettaa · 20/03/2024 10:04

YABU.

It’s awful to be woken up, expect as he’s at work so brutally early. Of course it would be different if you had been attacked, but just wanting a bit of affection is really selfish.

GalileoHumpkins · 20/03/2024 10:04

I'd actually want my husband to be getting some good quality sleep rather than lying awake making up overly dramatic scenarios about me being dead in a ditch tbh.

Shoxfordian · 20/03/2024 10:05

Yabu, you were fine - stop being dramatic

Fairymother · 20/03/2024 10:06

I hate being woken up, so im gonna say YABU.
When I wake up at night it always takes me ages to fall asleep again. So if DH woke me up and then went to sleep while im laying awake trying to fall back asleep I would probably start googling divorce lawyers.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 20/03/2024 10:06

YABU

You don't wake someone in the middle of the night for attention because you're feeling needy.

MalbecandToast · 20/03/2024 10:06

Waking someone up is AWFUL, After a 5 min chat to appease you he likely would have struggled to go back off for a while so over tired for work. Don't be so needy OP.

Hankunamatata · 20/03/2024 10:07

You are totally bu. My dh gets up at 5am I wouldn't dream of disturbing him when I go to bed later.
If dh tried when I was asleep I'd give him short shrift. Possibly with swear words

Hankunamatata · 20/03/2024 10:08

Let the poor bloke sleep!

WandaWonder · 20/03/2024 10:08

You are an adult I presume? Yabu

MassageForLife · 20/03/2024 10:12

You have to know yabu.

You can't really be so self-centered to think that his need for sleep before an early start is less important than you wanting a kiss after work - can you?

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 20/03/2024 10:13

Buy yourself a teddy bear

HelloMiss · 20/03/2024 10:17

Dramalama!!

Crumpleton · 20/03/2024 10:20

YABU
You work 3 evenings a week, you've 4 other nights to cuddle up to your DP.
Leave him to sleep, having to do a full day's work while tired can be dangerous.

Maybe you could agree that he wakes you up for a cuddle at 3-3.30am before he sets off for work then you can go back to sleep.

minipie · 20/03/2024 10:22

How would you feel if he wakes you for a kiss and cuddle at 4am?

Sleep is important

Original poster
Tweety40 · 20/03/2024 10:33

@minipie he does when he leaves for work.

OP posts:
minipie · 20/03/2024 10:35

Ah well in that case he can’t complain if you do the same late at night!! It needs to be fair both ways.

Devilshands · 20/03/2024 10:36

Tweety40 · 20/03/2024 10:33

@minipie he does when he leaves for work.

Tell him not to then if it bothers you (assuming it does)? If it doesn't bother you, then it's not comparable to you waking him up.

The point is, being woken up bothers him. So don't do it. If him waking you up bothers you, then tell him - like he has with you.

This is all about communication.

PuttingDownRoots · 20/03/2024 10:37

Yabu
Its three evenings. Tbays four days when you can have a cuddle. I presume he's home early with his early starts

He shouldn't wake you either.

Notwhatyouwanttohear · 20/03/2024 10:40

Wow the amount of need is cringe.

You expect him to sit up until 23:30 waiting for you to arrive when he has been up since what 03:30?

When do you expect him to sleep?

BobbyBiscuits · 20/03/2024 10:44

You can't wake someone up at 11.30pm knowing they are to be up in 5 hours. He could have trouble getting back to sleep. You are being dramatic saying you could have had an accident etc. if that was the case you'd be in hospital. What could he even meaningfully do?
It's a shame you didn't get to spend time together but life is tiring. You have to make time for eachother that suits both of you. It may need planning but disrupting someone's sleep for a 'cuddle' is selfish.

toomuchfaff · 20/03/2024 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Tweety40 · 20/03/2024 10:57

@Crumpleton he does wake me for a kiss and cuddle before he leaves and yes it can take me ages to get back off, where as it doesn’t with him.

OP posts:
Olika · 20/03/2024 10:57

You are being unreasonable. Let him sleep.

JassyRadlett · 20/03/2024 10:59

Tweety40 · 20/03/2024 10:57

@Crumpleton he does wake me for a kiss and cuddle before he leaves and yes it can take me ages to get back off, where as it doesn’t with him.

In which case he's being unreasonable to do that! Tell him to stop waking you, and you won't wake him, and it's not ideal but that's just the way it is.

BeaRF75 · 20/03/2024 11:01

The poor guy is getting up at 4.30am, FFS. Of course he doesn't want to be disturbed a mere 5 hours before! If you "love and care for someone", you respect their health & wellbeing and appreciate their hard work. You don't wake them up at Stupid O'clock for "a cuddle".