WWYD?

[merlinthegreatt]

This is not really AIBU but posted here for traffic.

I moved away from our home town a couple of years ago. I was (very) uncertain at the time as to whether I was doing the right thing - but nevertheless I went ahead and committed to the move

Two years down the line, we are still here. It's been an emotional journey and I have regretted my choice to move every day and tormented myself mentally . I have reached a point very recently where I think I am getting into a more positive head space for the following reasons:

• I appreciate and value the area for my children to grow up in . It's a lovely place
• I love the school and how we can walk there and everyone knows everyone (it's a village!)
• it's very pretty and picturesque and there are some beautiful walks and places of interest.
• I have made quite a connection with local people now - school mums and people in the community and I do feel like I am one of them now

However, I do not know if I am "happy" here for myself. I miss home still and hate that I get questioned "are we nearly there yet" at every drive back. It breaks my heart that we aren't close to my mum anymore (an hour away) and we rarely see her as much as we used to. It utterly breaks my heart and I worry and panic that I am not on hand for her when she gets older and needs my help. I also miss my friends from home as I never really see them anymore - our lives are so busy and whilst an hour isn't far it is significant when you have school runs and work to sort during the week.

We havent done anything to the house as I can't bare to spend money on it. But very recently I have made the decision to do up one room and see how that makes me feel. I am very sentimental and if I can feel like this is our house and our home maybe I'll be more inclined to stay.

How long does it take to settle? I would be heartbroken to change schools and risk bullying or not fitting in as "the new child". (I'm receptions at the moment )

WWYD? How long do I leave things?

Is there a train your mum could jump on and you pick her up from the station? Surely she'd like to spend time in your new home and has an interest in where you live?

You will never settle if you continue trying to be a ‘local’ somewhere you no longer live @merlinthegreatt.

You need to ask yourself if you genuinely want to be part of a wider community than a school one and if so you have two choices - make the effort to form that or move back.

Can you invite school mum friends to a night at yours? BBQ? Night out? Coffee? Cinema trip? Etc.

Cant your older friends visit you?

You say your mum dislikes the drive - but is she able?
Is there a train or bus to a nearby town? Could she come to you on a Friday every 8 weeks and you return her on a Sunday? Make her a part of your new life.

Have you joined any social activities nearby? Running club/gym/yoga etc?

Do your kids have extra curricular activities?

Also it’s one hour away - in the past week I have been to my nearest big city twice (55min in good traffic). Once for Sunday lunch with family at a restaurant and Thursday night to see a show at 7.30pm. Oh actually a third visit, I collected DS from the airport on Friday too. Not all visits need to be overnight/for hours on end.

Do consider if your mother might look to downsize in a few years.

Are there properties near you that offer a suitable size for her, location for shops/GP/local amenities? Is there a good local community with masses of things going on for older people?

You doesn’t your mum move in with you?

Totally agree with this sentiment.

The decoration issue is interesting and one I can relate to .
when we last moved we bought the brand new show house so carpets , curtains and light fittings all thrown in .
We were pleased with ourselves saving so much money. However, for years I didn’t feel the house was “ours “ .

I finally realised I needed to put up curtains I had chosen and make my mark on it to feel really comfortable.

If you are only thinking about doing up one room now then it sounds like you are living with the previous owners tastes which are not going to be the same as yours! It really matters O P , well it did to me!

I think you are right about decoration . I would do your bedroom first and then the main rooms