To not expect my parent to do these school runs?

[Paali]

Our child started primary school in reception last Sept, due to our work patterns my mum and dad who work part time after their retirement kindly offered to collect our child from school and take him to theirs until I pick him up after work. Edit to add they are separated so it's not a joint home but their individual homes they take him to, occasionally if they are both off they will take him together to the park or whatnot as they still get on okay.

My parents really look forward to this and the time they get with DS after school for an hour or two. They are very close. Often it will mean just one of them does this as the other may be working that day.

My husbands older son also goes to this primary and is in Y6. Since our child started my husband has made a few comments about my parents collecting SS as well (and even his ex has too which I find extremely cheeky!).

Previously SS was in after school club but has since been allowed to walk home from school instead (both parents live within walking distance) until we or his mum get home. However, DH and his ex are always a bit nervous about this and I know would prefer him to not have to walk home.

My parents aren't really close with SS, my mum knows him sort of and they do get on, my dad has rarely met him.

Aibu to not want or expect my parents to collect SS as well and think it's fine for a Y6 child to walk 10 minutes to home instead.

He occasionally is collected by grandparents on mums side which is obviously absolutely fine and no one would expect them to collect our child too!

If both children are off at the same time I honestly can't see the issue in your parents asking the elder sibling home to your house.
It's hardly a big deal.
If its a 10 minute walk it must only be a 3 minute drive!

They don't take our child to our house. They take our child to their own houses.

Are they objecting to SS walking home or being alone after school? (Or both)

YANBU. Your parents are kindly providing free childcare, don't let anyone fuck it up!

Ah, so ex will go on a rota to collect both kids and take them back to hers then? As will her parents?

YANBU. DSC has two parents who can sort out childcare. It's not up to your parents to look after DSC. They do it presumably to bond with their grandchild, I can understand why they aren't jumping at the opportunity to do unpaid childcare. Your DH and DSC's mum are being very cheeky.

Just keep saying no. I would want to over complicate the situation. If they are nervous then ss needs to go back to afterschool club

Understood now.
YANBU.
It's up to DSC parents to sort out.

No, there is no need for your parents to collect the year 6 child. It is actually good for them to do this by themselves in preparation for secondary school. I should imagine the year 6 child quite likes the independence too.

So if dss is due at your home that night your dps won't get him either?

No he walks back to ours

This arrangement is worth it to your parents, because although it is a restriction on their lives, they get quality time with their grandchild in return.

If they also had your SS it would just be a responsibility, and the 1:1/2:1 quality fun time they have would be gone.

So no, you are not being unreasonable. He's old enough to walk, and probably likes that independence. Most 11 year olds would be pretty insulted if their parents arranged for him to be picked up by old people that he has little relationship with, anyway.

YANBU. If DSS parents don’t want him walking home alone he can go to after school club just like he was before?

YANBU. I really hate it when these dads and exes try to co-opt step-mums and/or their parents into childcare for DSC.

This sounds like good bonding time for your child and DGPs. Don't let DH or his ex ruin that!

As a grandparent yanbu and your dh and his are bloody cheeky. An older pretty much unrelated to them child is nit their responsibility and will change their lovely grandparent grandchild dynamic considerably. Is your dh's ex or her parents offering to pick your dc up? As that's the equivalent

Both, he is quite immature for his age so they worry about him crossing the road etc.. but as PP said he'll be going to secondary in sept so needs to learn.

Haha absolutely not!

Put him back in after school club, if he's not mature enough to walk on his own, surely?! It's not your parent's responsibility to collect him.

If they knew him really well and had a relationship with your parents, it would probably be fine, but I don't think it's particularly fair on them to have responsibility for a child they don't really know.

How old is your own DS? I'm assuming there's a gap of a few years between him and his older brother? If so, I would have thought that your DSS as an 11-year-old would be deeply unimpressed to have to spend his after-school hours killing time at the houses of two people he barely knows while they entertain a younger child, when he's already demonstrated that he's perfectly capable of walking himself home.

He's in Y6 so he's going to be at secondary school soon - obviously he's not going to have after-school childcare then, so this feels like a good time for him to get used to getting home under his own steam. So even without taking your parents into consideration, it feels like the wrong thing just for your DSS.

Keep it as it is

This is what you say to them then. Shut it down

A y6 child doesn't need collecting from school and is perfectly capable of walking alone for 10 minutes. In 6 months time he will be in senior school ffs - its infantilising to have him collected at a time when he needs to be building up independence and self-reliance. Plus his presence would dramatically change the character of the time the grandparents are spending with their grandchild. Obviously in some families people like to form a close relationship with their step-grandchildren but this isn't obligatory.

Absolutely this your parents aren't doing this just to help you by proving childcare - they are doing it to spend quality time with their grandchild and build a precious bond. Adding a second much older child they don't know well would utterly change that.

Also agree with PP - no self-respecting 11 year old wants to have to spend his time off after school hanging out at an unfamiliar house with old people he doesn't know well doing activities centred around a reception-aged sibling. I suspect your DSS would be Ben more opposed to his parents' suggestion than you are

One could say it's a perfect opportunity for your dps to forge a relationship with your dc's half sibling.... Taking the dc's dps out of it don't you want a decent relationship between the dc?

If dss were younger then I think it would be nice if gps were willing to mind him as part of their daughter/gc’s blended family.
But at his age I think it’s really important kids learn a bit of independence in prep for secondary school. So I wouldn’t be asking gps to collect him even if he was bio related, unless you were going to be late home.