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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Your daughter is so gorgeous...she looks nothing like you.'

41 replies

JonHammFan · 19/03/2024 08:55

Thread title summarises it, really.

I have a very good looking daughter. I'm probably a 5 on a good day. 😂 so the statement is definitely true.

AIBU, though, to think this is not something one says out loud?

I usually respond with, 'Yes she is,' and sometimes I add, 'but even more importantly she's a decent human.'

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 19/03/2024 08:56

Yeah that's rude

And I don't like all the focus on looks as it's so superficial. I rather like your response

BlastedPimples · 19/03/2024 08:57

Yeah insensitive statement. Astonishing really.

She's beautiful because she is a mix of your and your dh's genes. That's why she's good looking. The forest fairies didn't make her.

And as you say, she's of high character.

Bartholomewphilipswasrobbed · 19/03/2024 08:58

I had that, along with 'she's definitely yours?'. You can't argue with stupid ...

elliejjtiny · 19/03/2024 08:58

That's so rude. My dc were mostly clones of dh as babies so I got a lot of "at least we know dh is the father".

Pipecleanerrevival · 19/03/2024 08:59

Wait another thirty years till she’s had a couple of kids and had to deal with dickhead comments like that and she’ll start looking like the rest of us.

benjoin · 19/03/2024 09:01

Ask them to repeat it as you didn't quite catch it. Then just say..yes thought so and walk away

MrsPeannut · 19/03/2024 09:01

I wouldn’t take it too personally. Without blowing my own trumpet I’m attractive. My two children are gorgeous. I also get told often that they look nothing like me because they don’t.

I like to think the comments you get aren’t as loaded as you think, but if they are indeed meant that way, then they are rude and shitty and I would come up with a more witty response to show how shitty their comment is!

Potentialmadcatlady · 19/03/2024 09:02

I like your ‘more importantly she is a decent human’
I use similar

IGotTheChickyPop · 19/03/2024 09:09

It's thoughtless but it's your choice to be offended.

They are two different statements.

She's gorgeous + she doesn't look like you.

I personally wouldn't be offended because I know I'm decent looking and see it for what it is. If they were really calling you ugly, they'd probably be more discreet.

Original poster
JonHammFan · 19/03/2024 09:24

Pipecleanerrevival · 19/03/2024 08:59

Wait another thirty years till she’s had a couple of kids and had to deal with dickhead comments like that and she’ll start looking like the rest of us.

😆 That's a classic.

OP posts:
Patrickiscrazy · 19/03/2024 12:43

Ugh.... people...
Just give them a Paddington Bear hard stare!
🐻

Candleabra · 19/03/2024 12:45

What are some people thinking when they open their mouths. Someone said to me once how pretty my children are, then paused, looked at me closely and said…. Is their dad very good looking?

Lavenderandbrown · 19/03/2024 12:45

My daughter is gorgeous also. Many people comment on her beauty. Sometimes if it’s awkward or somehow not sitting right I respond…yes but she is more beautiful on the inside. It’s true. I have never minimized her beauty and I am well aware she is often the most attractive person in the room but I always wanted her to see this as secondary to her character and she needed to be mindful of “beauty is as beauty does” “its nice to be pretty but more important to be nice” and other old nuggets my mother used to say

Monkeybusiness09 · 19/03/2024 12:48

Recently my DD15 had a school ball. FIL said "she looks gorgeous", wouldn't think she's your child! For what it's worth, she is the absolute image of me and he was being an pig trying to insult me intentionally.

TheForgetfulCat · 19/03/2024 12:48

My daughter is a) beautiful and b) adopted, so I don’t mind saying that she’s absolutely beautiful and nothing like me!

I think I might still be a bit miffed if somebody else said it 😀

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2024 12:50

I have had it since DD was 4 or 5 but its usually a bit more subtle than that.
In fact I wasnt bad in my day but DD is small with blonde hair and blue eyes and I am chunky and pretty dark so it might just be that she looks nothing like me, although in certain photos I can see a bit of me in her

NavyPeer · 19/03/2024 12:53

But do you look alike?

they aren’t necessarily saying you aren’t attractive, they are saying you don’t look alike.

I’ve had a basically the same comment. ‘She’s so beautiful….doesn’t look like you!’. But my daughter has a completely different complexion and colouring to me. Would have been a huge reach to take that to mean they are making a dig at me.

i don’t think you can assume bad faith if you have a blonde, blue eyed daughter and you are dark haired and eyes!

fishfingersandtoes · 19/03/2024 12:54

My daughter attracted a lot of comments about how cute she was. I trained her to say 'yes, I am, but that's not the most important thing about me, it's just the most obvious.'
Re them implying they don't think you're good looking smh what is wrong with people?! It's thoughtlessness, I guess. Maybe lightly take the piss?

Lovingitallnow · 19/03/2024 12:57

I often got told my gorgeous child looked very like me- it never once occurred to me they were commenting on my appearance. So I don't think it's as pointed as it feels.

GreyCarpet · 19/03/2024 13:01

Surely it depends how it's s meant.

My daughter is very pretty. She also looks nothing like me.

I have never taken that observation to imply that I'm unattractive! They two factual statements about her. Why would I make it about myself?

Annime · 19/03/2024 13:01

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2024 12:50

I have had it since DD was 4 or 5 but its usually a bit more subtle than that.
In fact I wasnt bad in my day but DD is small with blonde hair and blue eyes and I am chunky and pretty dark so it might just be that she looks nothing like me, although in certain photos I can see a bit of me in her

Dark can be pretty too.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 19/03/2024 13:03

Context is everything. If said by someone who spoke before engaging their brain then yes, two separate statements. If said to be nasty, then that's different. But who would say it to be nasty? Someone unhappy or jealous, or who particularly wanted to offend you for some reason. I like your response too.

Changeusernameseeusernamehistory · 19/03/2024 13:05

Pipecleanerrevival · 19/03/2024 08:59

Wait another thirty years till she’s had a couple of kids and had to deal with dickhead comments like that and she’ll start looking like the rest of us.

Op this is the perfect response, actually

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2024 13:05

Annime · 19/03/2024 13:01

Dark can be pretty too.

Show quote history

Of course and I am happy not to be blonde, I was saying it to emphasise that DD looks nothing like me (at first glance).
For people saying its not an insult etc it isnt always but you do learn to know when you get the "shes sooo pretty" followed by a certain look at you.
I have even heard "How are you so beautiful ?" to DD while looking at me

KAT0779 · 19/03/2024 14:27

I get the same, "oh my god she is beautiful, she looks SOO much like her Dad" etc. etc. my daughter does actually look like me but hair and eye colour are the same as her Dad so its like that is all that some people can see. Its fine as I know she's mine etc. but some people do REALLY go on about it!