'Your daughter is so gorgeous...she looks nothing like you.'

[JonHammFan]

Thread title summarises it, really.

I have a very good looking daughter. I'm probably a 5 on a good day. 😂 so the statement is definitely true.

AIBU, though, to think this is not something one says out loud?

I usually respond with, 'Yes she is,' and sometimes I add, 'but even more importantly she's a decent human.'

I regularly get "oh none of your children are fat like you" from my DH's family. I just shrug and ignore. and FWIW all of my children are absolutely gorgeous and way better looking than me :-) and even better on the inside too.

Yes, who can remembers these things? Are you sure your child wasn't just a dream? Jesus wept!

When I was younger, if I had a pound for everyone that said, ' Oh my god, I can't believe that's your brother, he's so good looking,' I'd be a rich woman.

OP, anyone who makes insensitive comments like this gets off on your reaction and therefore bit of a loser!

Ignore and move on! Your child 50% you and that is a fact!

Awful. People don’t think before they open mouths.

When I was growing up, I used to get the opposite. Your mother is so good looking, you look nothing like her.

Talk about a foot in their mouth moment, how rude!

Your response is perfect, being a decent human really is the most important thing.

My DD looks nothing like me either, whereas my DS does. It’s the genetic lottery. 🤷

Just be honest and say, "I have no idea how to reply to that."

This inane BS comes from the same kind of people who say "What's the weather like up there" to tall people.

You can't survive without a little deadpan in your personality :)

Yanbu. I get it all the time. I'm olive complected with a dd with blue eyes long dark blonde curls and unfortunately a figure like a supermodel at 13. When she was a baby in her pram people would stop to admire her and ask if I was her nanny.

I agree about context being important. I doubt most people have any ill-intent. They probably just say it without thinking or connecting the two.

If it makes you feel better, they probably realize it ten minutes later and spend the rest of the day thinking “I can’t believe I said that! I didn’t mean it like that. I hope that woman didn’t notice. I hope I didn’t offend her. What was I thinking??”

People are often surprised to see what my kids look like, compared to me and DH and I just laugh. I'm pleased and grateful to have such beautiful DDs.

I had this once with my son. I was a mature student at uni, the oldest on my course by around 15 years. One of the really young girls did a double take at my son (who was 3), then looked at me and him again and said “he’s yours?!”. I smiled proudly and laughed. I’d have been quite pissed off at an adult saying it, it’s just rude.

People do say stupid shit in public!

My DD4 is stunning and looks nothing like me. I can feel people staring when I go out with her on my own it's that extreme. People always comment on her blonde curly hair and bright blue eyes. I have dark hair and dark eyes 😅 we do make an odd looking pair but I know she's definitely my DD, I grew her and gave birth to her after all..!! So it amuses me but doesn't bother me at all. I do sometimes wonder if she has a DD of her own, will she look like me?!

Just treat it as two unlinked comments. “She’s gorgeous” Yes. “She’s nothing like you” yes, because you have brown eyes and hair and skin to match and look good, whereas she’s got blue eyes and delicate skin.

You can have a world of misery if you link comments together. Someone once said in my hearing “I really don’t like the name Mere”, then next day to me “You look just like a Mere”.

My DC must have been stunning as a small child, because people, including strangers, including grandads on the bus, used to tell me it all the time. People also told me that he looked just like me. But I knew perfectly well that I wasn’t stunning - reasonably attractive on a good day, maybe. Both things can be true at once - either way.

FWIW DC is now a fairly good looking tall teenager, but not been scouted by any agencies yet. (And neither have I 🤣)

Thanks for all the supportive comments. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's rude. And it does give some validation that I'm not quite as over sensitive as I thought.

Apparently, though, some people think it isn't meant rudely, or they are two unconnected comments. Just goes to show we all think quite differently. (Although I did notice the people saying it wasn't rude are the mainly the commenters who perceive themselves as being attractive.😂)

To be clear I'm not offended that might be an implication that I'm not attractive. I know I'm no oil painting and that's fine. It's more an overall view I have that some people say some dumb thoughtless shit. Yeah I know. Who knew.

And I reckon some of them do know they are doing it. Context is a thing. I've noticed that it's always a woman about my age who says it, never a man (they might think it but a man has never been stupid enough to say it out loud.)The thing is: it's plausibly deniable. I did say to one woman, 'goodness, that's two interesting sentences to put together.' She looked like she knew she'd been caught out and was not happy.

Also, the other issue that arises is: just say my daughter was adopted or born via surrogate. None of these people who've made that comment actually know that she is my biological daughter. So I believe people are potentially putting their feet in their mouths when they comment that a child looks 'nothing like' their parent. It could be quite hurtful or a sensitive area.

And yes, I have completely over-thought this. 😂

And it does give some validation that I'm not quite as over sensitive as I thought.

@JonHammFan People who tell us we're being 'over-sensitive' usually mean, "Stop trusting your instincts about me." I've found that well-adjusted people never need to make the accusation.