2 years ago I met a man online, he's a doctor, his wife passed away 10 years ago now and he has one daughter who's 19 nearly 20 and in her first year of uni.
I have one son who's 17 nearly 18, I'm a nursery manager.
My son is going to go to uni in the summer to study mental health nursing, he will likely leave home as his top 2 uni choices aren't quite commutable. Luckily they aren't expensive cities I don't think.
I live in a 2 bed rental, it's nothing fancy but it does my son and I well. My son's dad is remarried and pays £250 a month in maintenance and I claim a little UC that I'm entitled to.
My partner owns a 4 bed house in a lovely part of the city mortgage free. When his wife passed away he sold the family home which was in a much more expensive part of the country, bought his current house mortgage free and kept all of the life insurance more or less for his daughter.
My partner thinks that when my son goes to uni this year I should move in with him, we'd split the bills 70/30 which is roughly our income split (he's 4 days a week but still makes nearly 90,000, I make 35,000). I'll be honest I've never been with someone who's as well off as he is so it's a bit alien to me.
The main issue is if my son went to uni and lived with me alone he'd get pretty close to full loan but would only get minimum if I move in with my partner. My partner says it's fine as I could give him what I currently pay in rent - 300 which is UC and child benefit currently and the 250 maintenance his dad could give him. He thinks 775 a month + minimum maintenance loan is plenty for him to live on and cover Accomodation. I'm worried that it won't be but I don't know.
Then there is the disparity, his daughter did a gap year with her mums money that cost a hell of a lot of money (probably more than I make in a year all in), isn't taking any uni loans, is paying fees and Accomodation out of her mums money and her dad sends her some money to live off + her job for food etc. Obviously this is fair enough but I'm worried my son would be jealous?
My partner says we could make the guest room my son's room, he can have all his stuff and decorate it as he wishes to make up for him losing his room at home.
My sister thinks I need to wait until DS has finished uni, and I know he won't ever move home again as it's not fair to make him feel like as soon as he's left for uni I'm packing up to move in with a man. But then his dad moved in with his new wife when he was still a teen? And we'd have a much better quality of life, with less outgoings and a nice big house with a lovely garden in the nicest part of the city.
DS and partners DD haven't really met that much. His DD likes to work extra hours over the holidays and had a gap year where between July 22 and August 23 she was home for less than 4 weeks all in. But they don't seem to dislike each other or anything. This year we did Christmas all of us and they had a great time doing TikTok dances and what have you together.
I've asked DS about it and he says whatever it's fine.
The only other issue is, if it did work out. Neither of us want to get married again, too much hassle really. So if he died first what would happen to the house? And what about inheriting the house I'd imagine even if we die in 40 years, I'd imagine he'd want it to go to his DD. Now I'm unlikely to ever buy but I'm not sure if that's fair on DS.
Is now a good time to move in? AIBU to think it's as good a time as any?