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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour and his measuring tape

55 replies

Fannycakes · 18/03/2024 20:03

We are currently building an extension on the back of our house. It’s 5m x 4.5m so a decent size but nothing extravagant. We are in a semi detached property, and the builders have temporarily removed the fence between our garden and next door while the extension is built stepped in slightly from the boundary line.

This afternoon, my husband caught sight out of the window of my NDN’s adult son (lady next door is elderly and her son I think is in his late 40’s) standing inside the foundations of our new extension measuring the width and length. My husband had our son with him and didn’t want to confront NDN in case it kicked off, so watched as about a minute later, he hopped out and back into their side of the boundary through where the fence used to be.

WTF was he doing??

We wrote to them prior to getting planning permission to let them know we were planning a build and included a printed copy of our plans, and invited them to come and chat to us providing our number and the times we are usually available for a chat during the week. We didn’t hear anything so DH popped his head over the front drive fence about week later when he saw one of NDN’s children (she has 4 kids) and asked if they’d received the letter to which he said ‘yes we did and all looks fine although I’ll check with the others’. We heard nothing else, so applied for planning permission 2 weeks later. Next door were written to during planning to ask for formal objections but no objections were received and planning was granted 6 weeks later.

The build is the right size, we have had the building inspector out to check the hole for the footings and he’ll be out again tomorrow to check the DPC before the concrete slab goes in.

Im confident we’ve satisfied our legal and moral duty to inform next door about the build and gave them ample opportunity to object - what happens if they object now??

OP posts:
Shuggie1234 · 18/03/2024 20:12

As long as your builder sticks to the plan it will be fine
Just bear in mind it is as stressful for neighbours as it is for you when construction is happening maybe worth mentioning to them that the fence will go back up as soon as possible once building has progressed

Fannycakes · 18/03/2024 20:17

Shuggie1234 · 18/03/2024 20:12

As long as your builder sticks to the plan it will be fine
Just bear in mind it is as stressful for neighbours as it is for you when construction is happening maybe worth mentioning to them that the fence will go back up as soon as possible once building has progressed

I was thinking of writing them another letter (I don’t want to go round unless one of the kids is there because the lady who actually lives next door is quite vulnerable) and apologising for any noise/ disruption and reassuring them that the messy part of the build is now over? It’s the digging out of the foundations that’s been noisy and muddy.

OP posts:
candycane222 · 18/03/2024 20:18

As your building is as per the plans, I doubt if they will cause problems. Perhaps they are not very good at visualising sizes and felt it might be bigger than you said, in which case presumably the trip with the tape measure will have set them straight.

Don't blame you for being weirded out but as pps say, this kind of thing is always stressful for neighbours even with the best will in the world on your part.

Fannycakes · 18/03/2024 20:21

candycane222 · 18/03/2024 20:18

As your building is as per the plans, I doubt if they will cause problems. Perhaps they are not very good at visualising sizes and felt it might be bigger than you said, in which case presumably the trip with the tape measure will have set them straight.

Don't blame you for being weirded out but as pps say, this kind of thing is always stressful for neighbours even with the best will in the world on your part.

We actually scheduled the build for over winter/ spring so the lady next door could be out in the garden in summer and not have any noise etc. When we wrote to them we specifically said please talk to us if you have any concerns and had they raised any objections we probably would have changed the plans - we’re not unreasonable and I thought had been open with communication. Our builder has also chatted to the daughter over the (non) fence a couple of times and there was nothing raised.. it’s really odd!

OP posts:
Scottishgirl85 · 18/03/2024 20:25

Extensions are more stressful for neighbours as they get the disruption and none of the benefit. I think they've been very good not to have any objections (that's quite a projection for a semi) so would forgive them re the tape measure. Show them you're human - drop round some flowers and chocolates to say thanks for putting up with us.

Thelondonone · 18/03/2024 20:29

Ate you building within 3m of the boundary? If so you need to organise and pay for a party wall agreement. He can have work stopped. If you haven’t sorted then I’d get on it asap and be very very nice.

Lifebeganat50 · 18/03/2024 20:30

Stop writing bloody letters and go and have a conversatIon! It’s no wonder they feel they have to speak about with measuring tapes if you won’t just speak to them

FawnFrenchieMum · 18/03/2024 20:30

Maybe they are planning something similar and wanted to see how it measured up. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. You have permission so nothing to worry about.

SpringSprungALeak · 18/03/2024 20:30

@Fannycakes

you're catastrophising.

as long as your builder is building as per the permit, it'll all be fine.

He was just having a cheeky check of the size, at this stage it'll look bigger than he imagined from the plan, that's all.

cheeky, but it's not really a big deal.

i think you're doing the right thing, not approaching the lady. I would wait until you've finished and leave a card & flowers at that stage.

BreakfastAtMimis · 18/03/2024 20:30

Sounds like you've been very considerate. I bet it's nothing sinister. He maybe wants an extension on his own house and wondered what the dimensions of yours were!

Fannycakes · 18/03/2024 20:32

Scottishgirl85 · 18/03/2024 20:25

Extensions are more stressful for neighbours as they get the disruption and none of the benefit. I think they've been very good not to have any objections (that's quite a projection for a semi) so would forgive them re the tape measure. Show them you're human - drop round some flowers and chocolates to say thanks for putting up with us.

I think we’ll do exactly this. The fence is 6ft and usually there’s a lot of vegetation on the boundary on both sides including tall trees so they will only really be able to see the roof for the winter months through the branches. It won’t block their light either as we’re south facing. Both our gardens are around 8m long so it does almost run the length of the boundary fence.

The fact they’ve been so good about things so far is why it was so weird - we’ve heard nothing from them. They had there’s extended to the side years and years ago so we assumed as they’d done work themselves in the past, they were just understanding.

OP posts:
Datafan55 · 18/03/2024 20:32

Lifebeganat50 · 18/03/2024 20:30

Stop writing bloody letters and go and have a conversatIon! It’s no wonder they feel they have to speak about with measuring tapes if you won’t just speak to them

Like she said, her actual neighbour is elderly/vulnerable. A letter is fine.
And for the record, I'd always someone approach me via a letter/note first, not least as it's not catching me on the hop.

HeddaGarbled · 18/03/2024 20:35

They’re anxious. Probably the homeowner was worrying and the son was trying to reassure her. Just leave it.

44PumpLane · 18/03/2024 20:35

I agree with @FawnFrenchieMum , it could be that the lady (or her kids) are considering extending and/or renovating her property too and just wanted to get a feel of the size of the room you were building on the back and check some measurements.

You may find once you're done that one of them asks if they could come take a look if they are considering it, as you sound like you've been quite approachable throughout.

Eta cross posted with your update that they already have an extension.....maybe they were comparing extension sizes for a future reno.

Fannycakes · 18/03/2024 20:35

Lifebeganat50 · 18/03/2024 20:30

Stop writing bloody letters and go and have a conversatIon! It’s no wonder they feel they have to speak about with measuring tapes if you won’t just speak to them

Oh we absolutely will speak to them if they want to! The reason for the letter was because we didn’t want to insult the lady next door by not talking to her directly, but we see carers go in and out so we know she has some level of vulnerability and didn’t want to make her uncomfortable/ weren’t sure what her capacity is. We thought a letter would give the children chance to read it but by addressing it to the lady who lives there we weren’t bypassing her in case she does have capacity.

We also don’t want to knock on the door unless one of the kids are there in case we frighten the lady/ she feels uncomfortable but I think I’ll pop round next time I see one of their cars with a bunch of flowers and some chocs.

OP posts:
Station11 · 18/03/2024 20:37

Thelondonone · 18/03/2024 20:29

Ate you building within 3m of the boundary? If so you need to organise and pay for a party wall agreement. He can have work stopped. If you haven’t sorted then I’d get on it asap and be very very nice.

This.
That’s probably what they were measuring.

sleepyscientist · 18/03/2024 20:43

@Station11 only if the foundations are deeper than the current house.

Fannycakes · 18/03/2024 20:46

Thelondonone · 18/03/2024 20:29

Ate you building within 3m of the boundary? If so you need to organise and pay for a party wall agreement. He can have work stopped. If you haven’t sorted then I’d get on it asap and be very very nice.

WTF? Is that different to planning permission? Our architect submitted everything for permissions and this wasn’t mentioned?

OP posts:
84wood · 18/03/2024 20:52

If you don’t have a party wall agreement you could be in serious trouble. You can’t build within 3m of anyone even with planning without the party wall agreement.

Fannycakes · 18/03/2024 20:55

84wood · 18/03/2024 20:52

If you don’t have a party wall agreement you could be in serious trouble. You can’t build within 3m of anyone even with planning without the party wall agreement.

Jesus this is BAD. Why would our architect not have mentioned we can’t progress without this? I had no idea! I thought planning permission was enough given the neighbours were consulted and didn’t object - I’ve emailed my architect now.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 18/03/2024 20:57

I believe that the builders deal with PW agreements - certainly our neighbour’s builders sorted this with us when they had a loft extension.

LookItsMeAgain · 18/03/2024 20:57

You certainly can build within 3m of someone - so long as the extension/building work is within a certain footprint (size wise). If you couldn't build within 3m of your next door neighbour, no one would have any extensions/conservatories added to their properties ever.

https://www.homebuilding.co.uk/advice/extension-beginners-guide

Building an Extension: How to Plan, Budget and Manage Your Project

Building an extension is a journey. Here's how to navigate your way through plans, costs, trades and more with our helpful beginner's guide

https://www.homebuilding.co.uk/advice/extension-beginners-guide

84wood · 18/03/2024 20:59

You need a party wall surveyor. Yes your architect should have informed you.

84wood · 18/03/2024 21:04

At this late stage, you might want to keep your head down and hope for the best. After all they’ve got to invoke it now. That will cost money. Get specialist advice from a couple of sources.