To think you can't just stop liking someone

[Rightbackwherewestartedfrom]

It's been 6 weeks, and I've respectfully distanced myself, I am fully open to meeting and liking someone new, I am keeping busy, I've massively reduced contact and I'm doing everything 'right'.
We have so much in common, we have a very similar personality, he is exactly my type and I am attracted to him.
We get on very well, I couldn't believe I'd met someone so compatible.
He doesn't want to date me ATM so I've had to respect that. As I say I've reduced contact. He knows I liked him and he looked guilty as hell at first, now he's only a bit red and flustered but he's absolutely fine with me and we're on good terms, however I only speak to him now when I see him around.
I've tried my best to find flaws. Of course there are, but I've just come to accept I can't make myself stop being attracted.
The main thing is I've distanced myself and move on.
Sadly I don't have many close male friends, not through choice. However for me if I'm very close friends with a man, it's usually someone I am not attracted to in that way.
Is anyone here close friends with someone they have a crush on?
It might naturally reduce in time, and likely when I develop feelings for someone else, if and when.

Ooh, that I don't like.

Think it's time to leave this one behind.

I mean it wasn't as direct as that but it was basically like 'All it takes is for me to ask you or someone else out, and they could report me to HR".

"The problem is I'm finding this harder to move on than if someone just said 'i'm not attracted to you.' I don't know why. If they'd said that I'd probably be over it in like 2 days lol."

But he's basically said that, just in a different way - used the work/manager/conflict of interest thing as an excuse. Call his bluff and tell him you'll leave so you can start dating. See what excuse he comes up with then.

Sorry OP. I know. It really sucks.

Sounds harsh but he’s just using you for an ego boost or bit of entertainment at work. He’s probably shagging someone else.

If he liked you, he’d make it happen if he could. Telling you he basically doesn’t trust you not to go to HR isn’t a good sign.

I think you’re making a fool of yourself and should stop asap before people start losing respect for you at work, as it’ll be obvious to those around you

If it was 'meant to be', it would happen. He doesn't sound too bothered about your wellbeing. Seriously, I know it sucks ATM, but I think most people have gone through it. There are so many better days ahead, you just need to be open to new people and experiences. The world is literally your oyster right now! For the love of god, don't let this guy hold you back ❤️

Oh no, I don't talk to him now unless I see him in passing. Hardly anyone knows about it, I cold shouldered him in a nice way.

Good, so now it’s time to move on!

I am doing everything short of dating someone else, but there's nobody else sadly 🤣

You again!

The only blessing in disguise if I can even call it that, is that if this is all I lie I actually think that's grim. It's not that he just said 'sorry I don't date at work' as some sort of gentle let down. He went the whole hog inventing stories about previous jobs, mates, HR and all sorts.
Like what a liar, yuck.

You need to maybe look into some counselling if your entire self worth depends on dating. What are your interests?

I haven't posted before? Surely I'm not the only person who met someone at work lol.

Okay.

No it doesn't, it's just that I'm doing everything else I can to move on. Anyway maybe I can do better than this divorced guy looking for attention from younger subordinates

That might be the reason he's giving, but I doubt it's the actual reason. Would it be easier to let it go if he told you he's just not interested, because that's what he's really saying.

You didn't answer my question there. What are your interests? Are they home based? Or do you get out and meet people?

I think I've seen the posts you mean, but nope not posted before?

Seriously?

Yeah, right? :(
Someone else here suggested pretending I'm leaving and seeing what he says, but he's not worth that.
As I've said it's the inventing thousands of excuses to back it up, he's a 37 year old man FFS.

Oh yeah, I have a full life. I'm always busy and stuff, I'm just really trying to see this liar for what he is.

Please everyone, help me to lose respect for him as a liar. Btw, he said most of this during our dog walk, before I brought anything up. So it was planned.

Get angry. He's using you for attention and not being honest. Plus he's deliberately leaving you in a limbo of not now, rather than never. What's to like about this man? The man you're pining after doesn't exist.

Well, what more do you need? He's telling you he's not interested. Listen to him. Throw yourself into your interests and forget his sorry arse. It's your life, and your choice what to do with it.

I'd like to pour a bucket of cold water on him lol. He's quite nerdy IRL, almost shy. Well that's how he wanted to come across.

Now I'm thinking why he invited me running and on the dog walk. An ego boost maybe?

Sending me pics of his dog.