Help - think I need to be signed off with stress

[Stressedtothemaxwork]

Hello not sure this is the right place but looking for advice/support.

I work in the public sector in a 4 day a week role - manager level so some responsibility but certainly not the most senior.

I don’t know what to do. I think I need to be signed off work but I’m so worried about how it might impact me/my career.

I have 2 children, one who is 4 years old and has SEN and we’re currently having a bit of a Battle with his nursery who are trying to reduce his hours as they’re struggling to cope with him. He has ASD and is non verbal and not potty trained.

Weve recently managed to get his ehcp which was very stressful in itself (felt like another full time job) and he has got a space at a specialist school starting reception in September.

His behaviour has recently taken a turn for the worse and he has been hurting other children at the nursery. I can totally understand their issues with him as we hugely struggle with these behaviours at home as well.

Our older child (no SEN) is also starting to act out, I presume as we’re often so stressed trying to manage her sibling’s behaviour although we do try and carve out as much time for her as possible.

Im starting to make mistakes at work as I just can’t manage the workload and everything that’s going on at home.

when the nursery spoke about a reduced timetable I nearly had a panic attack.

I already miss a lot of work due to all his appointments or him generally being unwell or similar.

What will happen if I go off with stress? Will I later be managed out of the organisation? I’m so worried I’ll get a black mark against my name or I’ll lose my job. We’re reliant on my job for the mortgage/bills.

My husband does as much as he can to help but is a shift worker so there’s only so much he can do realistically.

please be kind - I feel very close to the edge

OP this sounds really tough. I work in a special school for children with ASD, so I know how challenging it can be for parents, and how challenging the behaviour can be. Rest assured that once he's in school, things will get much easier for you. A specialist school won't (or definitely shouldn't!) send him home based on behaviour, or try to reduce his hours or anything. We get a lot of thanks from parents that our behaviour management and structured routines means that the parents see big changes in their child's behaviour at home too. So you just have to hang on for a few months.

I definitely think maybe a few weeks off work might help you? Just to give you some breathing space and a chance to bring yourself back from the brink. Lots of people go off sick with stress these days, it's extremely common and your job should not be affected by it. I think you need to put your health first at the moment, because the last thing you want is to burn out completely and find yourself unable to get out of bed. That can happen if you push yourself too far with stress.

Good luck OP, I hope things get easier soon.

No it isn’t fraud. Being too stressed to work - even if it’s due to external factors- is an illness.

@Stressedtothemaxwork please be kind to yourself and give yourself some breathing space. The comments about it not being a long term solution are unhelpful. You know this but equally, if you’re too stressed and overwhelmed to function, you might benefit from having some time away from work to regroup and work on a longer term plan. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Thank you all so much for the messages and kindness - it’s really appreciated and I’ve been in tears with the understanding shown here.

Life feels very hard right now.

I requested a meeting with my manager this morning and she was really nice about everything and has said they’ll look at reducing my workload a bit as they don’t want me to go off with stress. She’s going to take it to the management team and come back to me by the end of the week with a plan.

I feel a bit better although still really worried about the nursery situation and how we’re going to cope until he starts school