To feel so sorry for my neighbours kids

[Tobe18again]

I feel so awful creating this thread. My neighbours house is an absolute dump! I genuinely thought it was because of the husband who recently left but the woman still hasn't tidied it up. They breed dogs and the amount of shit in the garden is ridiculous, it attracts so many flies in the summer and I cant even sit out because of the stench!

This isn't my main issue, she is constantly shouting at the kids, last night I heard her say to her eldest (11) get in the house you twat! I wanted to cry.

Report to social services as those don't sound like hygienic living conditions for the poor children, I know its stressful to do it as she may suspect but it's not a healthy environment :(

You know you can report anonymously to social services right? If you have concerns about them living in a dirty neglected environment and the language used towards them, you should probably consider that.

I just dont think I can do it. I want to just bring them all to my house and give them some love (the kids not the dogs).

YANBU- what an awful way to live. She has been left with it all, and it sounds like the pressure is too much for her. Poor kids.

Is she someone you can approach for her to talk to/offload to or is that not an option?

I do get on with her quite well, I ask her how she is doing since the split etc. They dress so scruffy. One of the windows at the back just has a big hole in it with the dryer vent sticking out, it is absolute madness!

To be blunt you just want to make yourself feel better then, not actually help them.

Report it to social services. You can help them and you're choosing not to.

I dont now how bad the conditions need to be for social services to be involved. The kids are loved etc I just dont know.

I think you should report the dog breeding as opposed to the kids thing if that's too upsetting for you.
The main hazard is the dogs and it's a nuisance to the neighbours. You could also mention shouting and swearing without directly accusing child neglect.
Report the presumably illegal dog breeding business anonymously to the council. There must be other neighbours doing similar reporting?

Have you ever been inside? I say this because as a dog breeder she will have people in and out. Now most decent people won’t buy from a filthy house. Of course it might be filth inside too.

Maybe some more sleuthing under the word of helping her out and play dates for the children and just listen to what they say. It may be that she is slowly making changes and she’s not got outside yet.

Report them to SS anonymously. You cannot just stand by and watch this happen 😞

Rather than being smug and judgemental , have you thought of getting off your backside and Mumsnet and going round to give here a hand?
Oh yes, it's all very easy to report people to social services while you type out reports of the stress that will cause to entertain strangers on social media, but help from you would benefit the family now.
Also wanting to love her kids in your house. Well! No don't this mum also loves her kids but is at the end of her tether. What makes you think you are a better person?
And the dogs need love too. Not quite so perfect are you? Just in a better financial position perhaps?

I can see the clutter on the windowsills.

How would that look? How does one broach going round and saying - your house is a state, can i help?

Rather then virtue signalling on here, you either report to social services so she can get the support she needs or go and offer to help her yourself. If it's a council house or rented, I'd be reporting to the council/landlord about the health hazard garden too.

Shit and clutter, grim. Use of the word twat, not so much. It's interchangeable with twit here. Constant shouting though is problematic.

@tobe18again I dont now how bad the conditions need to be for social services to be involved. The kids are loved etc I just dont know.

If you love your children you dont subject them to a garden full of dog shit that's so bad neighbours can't sit next to it. Let Social Services decide if they need to intervene. You're doing those poor children an injustice by not reporting their mother.

Yes that's why you need to call social services, so the people who are experts can assess the situation and put in help as needed. You don't need to decide if it's bad enough. You think it's bad enough from the outside so what do you think its like for kids with no other option to live in? Either help them or do nothing and know you could have helped but didn't.

Reporting to ss isn't always as helpful as you'd think. It's also on anonymous to a certain degree. They record your calls and the person that has been reported can ask for the info from it, not sure how easy it is. You could report to environmental health about state of garden. Also your only allowed to breed so many times a year before you have to register as a breeder. If your worried about kids and don't want ss, call the schools safe guarding team. (Schools can't forward your info I believe)

You need to call children’s services (can be done anonymously) and they will make contact to check the children are ok and to see if mum needs support. Children’s services / social services does not mean they go in all guns blazing and remove children, there are several levels of early help, child in need plans etc.. before it gets to that stage so you will be helping them access the support they need.
Doing nothing is not an option, think of the children living in those conditions, you can’t ignore it.

Report to social services and RSPCA. This is the scum breeding animals because they're too fucking lazy to work

Do the kids go to school? If you don’t want to call SS yourself perhaps you could call the school and ask them to do so, if they have concerns?

She does work. I just dont think she has the time to do both

I can see the clutter on the windowsills.

No way. I'd say call the police but it's probably way beyond that. Send in the army, the navy and the air force.

She does work. I just dont think she has the time to do both

What an unusual situation for a single mother.

Ask her to clear because of the flies. If not you could report to environmental services.