To feel so sorry for my neighbours kids

[Tobe18again]

I feel so awful creating this thread. My neighbours house is an absolute dump! I genuinely thought it was because of the husband who recently left but the woman still hasn't tidied it up. They breed dogs and the amount of shit in the garden is ridiculous, it attracts so many flies in the summer and I cant even sit out because of the stench!

This isn't my main issue, she is constantly shouting at the kids, last night I heard her say to her eldest (11) get in the house you twat! I wanted to cry.

Untidy does not mean neglected, better spending time with the children than tidying up after them. Do they look skinny? Boys do get dirty ALL of the time, and if she cannot afford to wash every day, or buy new clothes then they are going to look grubby. As to the drier, well it is possibly on all the time a lot, so one of the jobs that will go is putting it away and getting it out again. As to 11 year old boys - I think I shouted at mine a lot - lazy, unhelpful, untidy, grumpy are all adjectives I would use, even though loving, charming and adorable all in rotation but hard work all the same. He is possibly blaming her for the split too. Could you offer to help put her washing out on your line, making the excuse that it must be difficult to put it out with all of the dog doo around?

Oh well just keep turning a blind eye to child neglect and probable abuse then.

Please remember that social services are unlikely to take the children away - more likely they will help tidy the property and teach the mother effective parenting strategies.

Please report this to support all people in that household. Social services are not the enemy.

Are they safe? Are they fed? Are they healthy? Are they loved?

If so, I don't think you should be concerned about them.

A bit of clutter, scruffiness, and a stinky garden won't hurt them.

Do they play in the dog shit garden? If so, that doesn't sound safe and healthy, but if not, then it's not really worse than living on a farm, is it? (If my neighbour set up an illegal farm in their back garden, I'd be pissed off, but it's not a child welfare issue).

It's perfectly reasonable to offer to help out a newly single mother in her position. You could offer to take the kids to the park for an hour. But don't dictate thate she should have to clean up in that time. It would be just as legitimate for her to simply want to switch off the mothering and watch a bit of telly instead.

It sounds like they all need help (her, as well as the children and dogs). SS will be able to help, it’s very unlikely (unless there is more to the story) that they are going to waltz in and remove the children. But they will be able to support her with cleaning the house and being able to parent effectively.
Please do report them OP.

Well report and find out.

Couldn’t you just do that? Tell her you’re feeling lonely/ frustrated mum/ grandmother whatever and ask if you could have them over for one day at the weekends for a movie and a meal? Might give her some time to sort things out.

Zombie thread.
@Tobe18again : so what have you done since you first posted in March ?
Did you report them? What happened ?
Has the situation improved in the past five months?

Nothing wrong with offering a bit of practical support first until she understands the situation more fully.

It's not for you to decide report it and the professionals can take it from there and put support systems and help in place. Like others said if you don't you're just looking for people to make you feel better rather than make a difference

But did you do that, take the children to your house and give them so love? Report to social services or at the very least phone rspca about the living conditions of the dogs? This thread was started in March… have things improved since then?

Call social services and the RSPCA.

Yes, a social worker friend of mine told me that anonymity is never guaranteed, and that families can pursue information regarding the report. Apparently it’s to offset malicious reports, but it put me right off in a similar situation. I sent an anonymous letter by post to the school so I couldn’t be traced and potentially be in danger myself.

This exactly. Hand wringing on Mumsnet just makes you feel like you’ve done something, but it’s nothing - have you actually asked them if they needed anything, or just thought you’d love to take them all in. You don’t have to decide how bad it is - social work assess, that’s their role. Otherwise offer the kids/mom help directly.

Then you're part of the problem. You have a duty of care as a member of the public.

It's a tricky situation and difficult to put up with when it's on your doorstep. Dog faeces really is a health hazard for the children. I would try and talk to her initially in a kind way, but if no response, then I would let authorities deal with it. I don't believe in animals being used to make money in this way, so would personally get upset by this.

Clutter? My neighbor raised 3 happy healthy girls went on to uni. after her hubby left with all of their money. You could hardly see her windows and kitchen surfaces for clutter, I have a whole room of clutter. How about offering to walk the dogs with the oldest child? Then talking to him about helping a bit.

Report to SS. They are trained professionals who can determine whether the children are neglected or not. They will not take children away if they are not in immediate danger but offer the mum some perhaps much needed help and guidance.

Poor kids. No-one here can do anything and the only person who could, won't.

Just look the other way then OP.