Not Invited - What should i do?

[Lucky2019]

I have a friend (1) who is a single mother (i am not) so often i will have her DD for sleepovers as i appreciate how difficult it is to do it alone. We have known each other for around a year and half. My DD is 9 and hers just had her 8th Birthday. So this is the story .... i was texting her last week about what she was up to at the weekend as my DH was working and i would be alone with my 2 kids - i had her daughter for a sleep over he previous Friday. In retrospect she was being evasive and didn’t really answer what her plans were. So anyhoo i have another friend (2) (who we have in common, who i haven’t seen in a while) that i arranged to meet on the Saturday in question , i was aking her where het DD was and she told me that she had been invited to Firend 1's daughters Birthday party. So i am now unsure how to deal wiuh this - a bit more context last year on my DD birthaday pary i had Friend 1's DD for a sleepover (friend 1's request) and then took her to my daughtes Birthday party. When Friend 2 went to pick up her DD we were all going home together so i waited outside - when friend 2 had picked up her DD she announced to me that she has said loudly at the party that her DD had to hurry as i was waiting outside - she is sure the Frined 1 heard this. How do i handle this situation!!!!

Well friend 1 obviously didn't want you at her daughter's birthday party, if you can't think of any reason why, you could ask her but it would be pretty awkward

I wouldn't have her DD for sleepovers any more!
If she asks why, then the answer is that clearly your DD is not as good a friend of her DD as you had thought.

Should let you know that our DD's dont always get along - but i wouldent say its anything out of the ordanary for kids - just the usual falling out

It sounds like your daughters are different ages, so they only know each other because their mothers are friends? At that age, they are going to want to invite their school friends to parties.

If you feel there is air that needs clearing, you could proactively say that you realise now the girls are older they of course have their own friends and lives and might not want to do so much together. Otherwise, just carry on regardless.

Your daughter doesn't get on with the birthday child or the daughter of the mum who told you about the party?

You don’t do anything

I usually don't support the 'my kid wasn't invited and I'm upset' threads - but in this case, I'm upset on your behalf, OP.

You've 3 choices:
(1) Suck it up and just carry on as before.
(2) Sit down with her and ask her directly - depending on her response, then go with (1) or (3)
(3) End the friendship.

I would just ignore and move on.

That said don't keep bending over backwards to help.

It does sound though like your kids have some issues together so maybe her DD asked your DD not to be invited understandably.

That's a tough one. It sounds like you and her were more friends and you have done her favours by looking after her dd. It reminds me of a cousin relationship. My dd and her cousins don't always invite each other to their party as it's mostly school friends and would change the dynamic.

Definitely no more sleepovers. Let the girls have a friendship they can foster and if happens it does. Definitely step back

Just ignore it but as another poster has said I wouldn't be watching the daughter, you have been very kind but it sounds like you are being taken advantage of, the least she could have done is explain the situation to you.

Who normally arranges the sleepovers?

Why is there sleepovers if they don’t get on?

It sounds like the sleepovers are to help out Friend 1, rather than being something the girls actually want.
You need to separate out how much you want to support of Friend 1, without any requirement for the girls to do things together.

That's such poor form. I wouldn't say anything at all but there would be no more favours at all. No sleepovers, no babysitting and no invites to your child's birthday parties. She can hardly say anything. If she does just say, oh I didn't think the girls were close any more? She wasn't invited to your party, so I assumed they'd drifted apart?

Your dd doesn’t want sleepovers yet you have them? Time to stop.

Perfect response from @Claloulat

Definitely this

I would personally stop accommodating sleepovers

The girls are different ages and aren't friends. Why would she be invited to rhe party?

You are friends as adults and you do her a favour from time to time by having her DD stay over. These are favours to the adult friend and do not "buy" an invitation to her child's birthday party.

The sooner you separate the two issues the better. It is then for you to decide whether you want to continue the friendship or not.

I agree with this, although I get why it stings a bit OP.

Essentially, would you want to continue to help your friend out regardless of the children’s relationship, or do you only want to do it if the children’s relationship is suitably close? Either is fine, just get it clear in your head.

Are they both in the same class? And your DD is not?

I wouldn't say anything but I certainly wouldn't be doing her any more favours and I would back off from the friendship. You can't have it both ways.

So, friend1 didn't invite your daughter to her daughter's birthday party, and you often / sometimes host her daughter for sleep-overs, but she doesn't host your daughter for sleepovers?

Stop hosting her daughter. For anything. Birthdays. Sleepovers. Full stop.

It won't get your daughter invited to F1 parties but who cares?

Stop doing sleepovers - your kids aren't friends and it's not fair to inflict this on your dd.
Friend 1 is a potential cheeky fucker - you need to be a lot less available for favours going forward.
Anything else and you might as well have 'mug' tattooed on your forehead!