Do I expect too much?

[lonelysurrounded]

I’m having some Sunday contemplation and wondering if I expect too much for friends or if they are, in fact, just not that great.

DH and I are opening a new business. We currently run a successful business, it turns over six figures (just) and is 2 years old. I work a full time “high powered” job and DH just quit to work full time on our business. Many view it as a “side hustle” or whichever icky word you want to call it. No one sees it as, say, an entrepreneurial success. Maybe we don’t talk about it enough, it just isn’t that relevant. A few close friends take it very seriously and are interested, most aren’t. They never interact with spreading the word or liking socials. However, it’s been successful on its own and so that’s that. The dialect seems to be more around DH doing little amounts of work and me now being the breadwinner (not true obviously).

The new business is a massive financial investment. It has the potential to be a seven/eight figure business and is in the tech space - we have developed an app (pre-revenue) We’ve spent tens of thousands on it. We’ve begun trying to build our social media presence. No friends have liked or supported. I have many friends in the tech space, not even a “like” on a photo. No engagement or questions. Whereas my friends have started to set up little businesses, like reselling types. I’ve liked, followed and even bought their products to support, without being asked.

Its so odd that the people who have liked things are random people I engaged with for 5 minutes at university - people who just seem decent and realise it costs them nothing.

And before anyone suggests it’s one of those annoying situations where it’s constant posts, it isn’t. I am not “inviting to like” the page on Facebook, I just made one status/post, friends watched on insta, ignored… I just feel that for my closest friends it’s the minimum they could do.

I have felt very unsupported in this and almost like I’m a bit of a joke with my little business or something - it’s very disheartening.

I’d like to understand others perspectives.

thanks.

Gently, you're missing the point. These friends are in tech, they get it. And it absolutely is like a baby photo.

Oh ouch Hannah, thats quite the gotcha!

Congratulations on your business! It sounds amazing.

Not exactly the same situation but I experienced similar. After a break to have my kids I went back into a relatively high powered role. Expected my best friend of 10+ years to be encouraging and supportive - we worked in the same field (we met at work), she’s my DS godmother, spoke everyday, helped each other during parents deaths, divorce etc. What shocked and hurt me was as soon as I started having successes and getting industry recognition she cooled off. When I’d approach her for advice she was dismissive and minimized my achievements. It hurt because I’d always been her biggest cheerleader and actively helped her advance her career (helped her organize and run an event while I was on maternity leave!). I also looked up to her and respected her so much as she was always a few steps ahead in her career than me. Her behavior was even more hurtful compared to lots of random strangers/acquaintances who were incredibly supportive and actively helped me advance even though they barely knew me.

I realized eventually that some people like keeping personal and professional separate, and the people in your personal life are not necessarily the best ones to advance your professional goals. Once I accepted this it didn’t hurt as much and I was able to focus on the professional contacts who could actually help advance my career, and just keep her as a social friend.

They've clearly got no interest in it. I have friends with businesses that I'm very engaged & interested in and others that I am not.

I don't think that you sound very nice. The way you refer to their 'millionth baby photo' and 'Vinted business' suggests a superior attitude, even if it is unintentional. Might you be the sort of person who makes people feel a bit rubbish about themselves, so they're just not rooting for you?

Or maybe they are well aware of how successful your business is, if you have mentioned the potential for 'seven or eight figures' and your dh is giving up work, and they are jealous.

Or maybe Facebook isn't showing them your posts? I missed a colleague's wedding photos and only realised when everyone at work was talking about them.

I think just ask. Either just ask for help and support, as the friends with the 'little Vinted businesses' do. Or approach your closest, nicest friend who will be honest and start a conversation about finding it a bit hurtful and ask her why that might be.

OP, honestly, my first thought is they’re envious.

A few years ago, an acquaintance who was trying to break into journalism got fed up of no one liking her posts in which she shared articles she’d written.

When she got her big break and secured a recurring contract with a BIG fashion/lifestyle magazine (won’t say which) and posted the first of the articles she’d written for them, she got zero likes from her friends. So she did an experiment: she posted that she was pregnant, and lo and behold, her silent friends were all over her post, liking and sending congratulatory comments. Now she could put her silly idea of a high-flying, exciting career behind her and look after babies, phew.

She swiftly distanced herself from these ‘friends’ (and wrote about the experience in a very witty article).

I have no interest in others work and find
work related Facebook posts a bit odd! I guess I have liked two recent posts by people getting which felt a bit more like a personal achievement post than work. I’m not a business owner and in healthcare/academic space and work related
posrs on social media and LinkedIn and social media come across as cheesy to me so maybe they just don’t ’get It’

The fact that people you've only met once like your posts demonstrate hoow vacuous and unthinking they are.
Yabu as you sound like you are demaning that your friends acknowledge you've both worked hard and are reaping the rewards
But maybe they can't get excited enough about a tech app to like it
It sounds as if you are stamping your foot screaming "it isn't fair"

I understand what you're saying!

Yes I'd feel really disappointed too, it would take two seconds and it shows they're either not interested or jealous.

This is so interesting but not at all surprising unfortunately ! Would you mind sharing the article or can I find it easily by google?

I think rather than jealousy, the fact that the OP demeaned their 'little side-hustles' such as vinted or selling, pissed them off.

YANBU. I spent several years as a mature student getting an art degree, then set myself up as an artist and sold work for several years.

I was pretty disappointed by the friends who have never looked at my website or gave me a like when I posted work. I wasn't looking for them to buy - just show some interest and support. It was a huge part of my life that they just ignored.

I wouldn't go out of my way to follow or like something tech related unless I was specifically asked to or they had entertaining content

I’m trying to reduce my social media time, leave my phone alone. Maybe they have other things to do.

tbh I personally wouldn’t get involved in a friend’s business venture, I wouldn’t want to be drawn into something where I could say the wrong thing and ruin the friendship. Been there, done that, got told off for realising something was wrong but leaving them to it as I didn’t have experience of their business, now no longer friends.

I dont think clicking 'like' is getting involved

As I said upthread, the OP won't ask for likes and therefore doesn't get them (apologies if I've misunderstood)

How come people don’t have to ‘ask’ for likes on engagement announcements and baby photos, but have to ask for them on business and career achievements?

I can see why you’re upset but I think you are expecting too much.
I think people just dont always register. They dont see it as the same big deal as you. Also perhaps if it’s tech related (and just guessing here) they may not understand it.

People also dont interact on social like they did a few years ago, so yes they might see it but there isnt that compulsion to respond. They’re probably giving the nod of approval/ cheering you on behind the scenes.

If they are a close friend then maybe mention it. Surely if it’s this big thing to you, you’d be chatting about it anyway? They may not realise you want them to respond but if they’re not close friends dont expect too much of them.

Also as an aside, from a marketing perspective if your friends are not your target customer, it’s a GOOD thing they dont interact as it confuses the algorithm and makes it that bit more difficult for you to find your real customers

You need to think about why you are so desperate for validation from them
Your business is successful, but that isn't enough for you
Don't let it easy away at you, either validate your work yourself or talk to them (or a therapist if it's that bad)

People don’t like to see others becoming successful.

Maybe your business is your business? Do you go out of your way to like their posts about their jobs or spread awareness or ask them how things are going in the office etc? I appreciate that this is a huge deal for you but it isn't for them.

It is aggravating when someone all of a sudden makes a new project/business/lifestyle etc. a central point of focus in their lives and expects everyone else to jump and get on board and begin interacting in ways that are uncomfortable for them.

And it doesn't sound like your friends are your target market anyway so why do you need their validation? I don't ask my friends for validation when I do well on a project or start a new job.

So you want your friends to take time out of their lives to attend your business events even though they're not your target customers?

This is what annoys me about this current "side hustle" nonsense. A key part of starting a business is understanding your market, networking appropriately and building your brand. So why not focus on doing that rather than taking the easy way out and expecting your friends and family to make up the numbers? Is it because that is the easier option?

Using the social media of your friends and family isn’t the way to market or support a serious tech business. You have a marketing budget for that.
The reason your friends hobby jobs (baking etc) get coverage and likes on FB is that’s the only way they spread the word and they actively ask people to do that.

I’d be pleased for your success, but you sound out of the league of hearts on FB. I’d no more “like” your business than I would an accountant or solicitor.

I did ask my best friend - mainly so she could look at it and give her feedback - she has ignored it.

She is also in tech (used to work as developers in same company). Her feedback would be so helpful. Not even a “well done”

YABU.

I love my friends but I never share anything on Facebook. Not everyone wants to see it on their feed.

The post was that we were soon launching and would love our friends and family to look and follow what we are doing with the @ to the company page