Do I expect too much?

[lonelysurrounded]

I’m having some Sunday contemplation and wondering if I expect too much for friends or if they are, in fact, just not that great.

DH and I are opening a new business. We currently run a successful business, it turns over six figures (just) and is 2 years old. I work a full time “high powered” job and DH just quit to work full time on our business. Many view it as a “side hustle” or whichever icky word you want to call it. No one sees it as, say, an entrepreneurial success. Maybe we don’t talk about it enough, it just isn’t that relevant. A few close friends take it very seriously and are interested, most aren’t. They never interact with spreading the word or liking socials. However, it’s been successful on its own and so that’s that. The dialect seems to be more around DH doing little amounts of work and me now being the breadwinner (not true obviously).

The new business is a massive financial investment. It has the potential to be a seven/eight figure business and is in the tech space - we have developed an app (pre-revenue) We’ve spent tens of thousands on it. We’ve begun trying to build our social media presence. No friends have liked or supported. I have many friends in the tech space, not even a “like” on a photo. No engagement or questions. Whereas my friends have started to set up little businesses, like reselling types. I’ve liked, followed and even bought their products to support, without being asked.

Its so odd that the people who have liked things are random people I engaged with for 5 minutes at university - people who just seem decent and realise it costs them nothing.

And before anyone suggests it’s one of those annoying situations where it’s constant posts, it isn’t. I am not “inviting to like” the page on Facebook, I just made one status/post, friends watched on insta, ignored… I just feel that for my closest friends it’s the minimum they could do.

I have felt very unsupported in this and almost like I’m a bit of a joke with my little business or something - it’s very disheartening.

I’d like to understand others perspectives.

thanks.

Classic old case of jealousy op. Probably jealous that they hadn't thought of it first given yourll are in the same space. Don't share too much with them going forward, not everyone is happy to see others progress.

What kind of posts are they? Personal or marketing? Sounds like the latter, as you talk about building your social media presence.

It's one thing to like a friend's personal post about her experience and feelings about launching a business - that's showing support and interest as a friend, regardless of the actual venture. Whereas liking a post which is designed for a mass audience feels like advertising a product that you can't actually vouch for. I don't think you can compare it to someone's Vinted store either. If it's not a side-hustle, don't expect your friends to treat it like one.

I understand how you feel and agree with you that it's unsupportive. If you follow friends on social media it's, in my mind, the done thing to like and post the odd comment. It's what done in my circle even though that's just birthdays, weddings and babies. If it was a business, definitely yes.

@lonelysurroundedNo friends have liked or supported. I have many friends in the tech space, not even a “like” on a photo. No engagement or questions.

How much do you really care about your friends' jobs? How many questions do you ask them about their jobs? It could be that they don't want to mix business with pleasure/friendship.

Also, social media is sort of changing. I've noticed 'likes' are being given less, people are often just viewing, especially on Instagram. For example I just checked a random influencer I follow - she has over 300k followers and a recent post got 500 likes. Scrolling back a few years her posts were routinely getting thousands of likes. It's not fake followers etc, I think the culture of social media is changing as I see this replicated on other accounts.

Do you really show an interest in all your friend’s work? I think most people don’t, they just chat about whatever interests them. You obviously feel your business is Hugely personal. But others probably think it’s just work.

I completely understood your point from the initial post but some people unfortunately seemed to seize on the Facebook sharing thingy which I knew they would. And many saying YABU ignored the fact that your friends have asked you support stuff on social media anyway. So those friends can’t really act like sharing on social media is above them now, when it’s their turn to support you.

Tbh that aside, it does sound as if they may be jealous. I think that’s very poor form for them not to show any interest or even a basic level of support eg. Liking on social media .

I had some professional success in my creative career and had a small launch during the pandemic when we still had restrictions in place. I have to say I was brought to tears to how supportive my friends were. People showing up, sending cards, presents and encouraging texts. Sharing my social media posts, sharing their own posts - to spread the word and encourage me .

It meant the world to me. I’m sorry you haven’t had the same support from your friends. Perhaps time to reconsider the friendships, not necessarily cutting people off but just rethinking where you place in their life? And thinking about if they’re genuinely wishing the best for you in life?

FWIW I did have a few jealous friends who went completely silent at my good news, but I just phased them out. They always had lots to say when I was down in the dumps or struggling with what I see now as rather smug self-serving advice. And when things were changing for the better suddenly they went silent and sour which was very unsettling .

People like that are not good to have around you. They will hang around just to get front row seats to your future failures to make themselves feel better while they seethe silently for the meantime . And yes people can be jealous of your success even if they’re not in the same field.

the only reason I have instagram is to 'like' my SILs posts because she asked me to, in order to help build her business.

is your business doing something quirky / unusual / friends don't want to be linked to it?

If not, ask your friends to like some posts to give you a boost with 'the algorithm' and to give some feedback on what goes down well.

Who are your target audience?

Not everyone cares what you do for work.
I don’t care about what my friends do above and beyond their job role, just like they don’t care what I do.

I don’t want to watch videos or like post. It’s just not that interesting.

I tend to just blanket ignore anything about people’s businesses on social media because 98% of them are shitty MLMs, so unless a friend actually talked to me about it directly I would probably skip past those posts. I reccomend my friend’s cake making business here and there because I’ve actually bought cakes off her and they’ve been great

I'm just shocked you developed a business while having a full time job. How?? I'm planning to start a youtube cooking channel and I never have the time 😂

Your friends have requested 'likes' and got them

You choose not to request 'likes' and don't get them

Am i understanding this correctly?

A few close friends take it very seriously and are interested, most aren’t. They never interact with spreading the word or liking socials. However, it’s been successful on its own and so that’s that. The dialect seems to be more around DH doing little amounts of work and me now being the breadwinner (not true obviously).

This is textbook jealousy. They don’t show interest in discussing your success but are focused on their narrative that your husband doesn’t work a lot and you’re the breadwinner. Even that were true why would they be discussing it? They show “interest” when it suits them! People like this are awful and I’m sure many of the same type are the ones voting YABU.

My advice - focus on the few friends that do show an interest. Maybe even do a post on your social media stories thanking those friends for the support . Anyone who genuinely didn’t realise you wanted support will now be aware that you do value it. And the ones who just didn’t want to support you out of jealousy will continue as they were. But at least you’ll know where you stand. Quality over quantity is so important in friendships.

I've had a few friends start their own businesses. I follow them on social media and like when I see something. But honestly, it's really boring to everyone else other than you. And personally, my friends' posts are so cringey. I know they need to take the talk but it's not the person I know and it really doesn't interest me. They wouldn't be interested if I spoke about my job either.

I wouldn’t take any more interest in this than I would in anybody else’s professional / working life. In that, I would have a mild interest, congratulate somebody on a new job or promotion etc. but that would be about the end of it.

I definitely think you are overestimating how much interest other people should have in this. And if course your business should stand up without your friends and family cheer leading.

A lot of people don’t like to see people making a success of their lives but surely if you are making a 6 figure sun a few friends sharing it won’t have made that much difference…. Lower you expectations of your friends and then you won’t be disappointed

OP, gently, you are missing the point. They asked you to support their endeavours by liking their posts, you didn’t ask them and then you are surprised they are not doing it. You say it yourself your app is high tech, so they might not understand it. If you ask them to like they will do so, otherwise, they see post when they scroll and that’s about it. It is not personal and you can’t compare it with liking baby photos. Unless you tell them how important it is and you consider it to be your “baby” they wouldn’t know. You say it yourself they all think it is a side hustle, so communicate more with your friends, tell them how important it is for you, how proud you are and they will react to posts accordingly.

How come your friends had to request you to like theirs if its common decency as a friend to like their page without being asked?

Also, my they are just eye rolling at the talk of high powered jobs and icky side hustles 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Is it possible that they are considering it a serious business not in need of their engagement and in comparison to their own little hobbie and vinted things that do. Partially as you haven't asked them

It's jealousy. You'll realise that most people will and cannot be happy for you.

Friends are useless in this regard. No matter how big - or small! Me and a friend made loads of jam/jelly/chutney from my fruit trees and had a table at the school Xmas fair to raise money for a teen mental health charity. This was at a private school- no one was short of money. Every one of our friends and acquaintances came up and said 'oh lovely how's it going'? Not. One. Person. Bought. (We sold £250 worth but not to anyone we knew).
I also have a couple side hustles and it took ages for me to tell anyone as I thought they'd think I just expected them to buy - though of course it would be nice if they'd buy something for £20 for Xmas or a birthday! When I did share it, again, no one bought it liked it whatever. So I never talk about it.
I do sell, but not to people I know.

I must be missing the point, or I’m getting too old, most people surely don’t praise each other over social media about their jobs or their businesses do they? I have a regular 9-5 job as do most of my friends, we talk about our jobs and our ups and downs face to face when we meet up. I would think they had lost their marbles if they said on SM how fabulous and wonderful I was. My DH is carrying a big project at the moment it’s quite newsworthy but again our actual friends don’t plaster it all over SM, we just talk about when everyone else is talking about their jobs. A relative of mine is quite famous locally but they would be bemused if all their friends and family were praising them and liking their posts on SM. They do have fans that do that, but that’s different that’s part of their job.

I normally have no interest in my friends' job unless it involves something I personally find interesting. I would not get involved in liking or following friends' work pages, the same way I don't expect any friend to get involved in mine.

I only follow, like or review businesses I have worked with.

I started a business - with my sister actually - I realised her fiends (younger if it makes any difference at all) are way more supportive. They are not our customers but they attend our launch events, they will like on socials and they all follow.

My friends definitely know what I do, I appreciate the ones that have attended one event - especially if they are not the ideal customer - and some might not like on socials but when we catch up they will talk about it and I appreciate them checking in.

Also the algorithms do not always place your business infront of people so they may not have seen your posts. I have a few friends with business and I always like when something pops up but they don’t always pop up on my feed.

Im usually more upset if I’ve invited them to a public event (e.g. the businesses 2nd bday) and they do not attend. I also know as business owners we can be time poor so making time to catch up and talk about life outside of business might be more important.

It is a weird balance to manage. Overtime I’ve learned not to take it too personally. I am definitely closer to the friends that care - even if that’s simply asking “how’s business doing” when we catch up.

I am really not terribly interested in my friends work or businesses, it’s got literally nothing to do with me. I might ask a passing question if they have any issues or offer support if they talk about it. Otherwise work rarely ever comes up in anything other than a fleeting way.

I have no idea why you woujd expect this of them, this is important to you - not them.