Need help with toddler

[rufioooooo]

As much as I hate the phrase, we have made a real rod for our backs with our toddler dd and her sleep habits. She has just turned 2 and never slept in her own room. She started in a crib next to our bed and then a cot. She will happily nap/go down at night in there but 99% of the time she wakes at some point during the night hysterically crying until we put her in bed with us. The problem is she then wriggles, kicks and keeps us up most of the night and wakes for the day at 5am. We are shattered.

I'm not against co sleeping, at times it's actually been really nice but now it is becoming too much and none of us are sleeping well. I know I need to transition her into her own room but I just feel like the pattern will continue and we will either end up doing the exact same thing or one of us will end up getting in a single bed with her.

I can't have her being so hysterical in the night, she doesn't self settle and she would wake my other dc up.

Does anyone have any tips about the best way to do this? I'm not too worried about her settling first off, it's the middle of the night wake ups that will cause the problem. Help!

Twin beds in her room so you can sleep near to her when she wakes but not near enough to get kicked.

This was exactly my problem with ds and I did have to sleep train him as I was getting no sleep and becoming quite depressed through sheer exhaustion. Two beds wouldn’t have worked: he wanted to be in my bed!

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Sleep training at 2am is hard because she just doesn't settle and her wailing would absolutely wake up my other dc. It's so stressful that I've just opted for the easy option of putting her in our bed for so long.

Have you actually tried her in her own room? I was dreading the transition ( we co slept a lot too) but honestly she was amazing and totally ready for it. I would say we had a couple of weeks of her ending up back in with me after middle of the night wakes but really soon she got used to her own space and now would freak out if I tried to put her in my bed!

I know, I really sympathise. I will say it worked in one night with ds, it was great, but it was a horrible night if you see what I mean. I now have a second and I think I’ll have to do the same with her in a few months as she’s ended up in my bed as well!

My friend had a similar issue and temporarily moved onto a double floor bed in her child's room and then very gradually retreated by moving onto an inflatable mattress next to the bed and then gradually moving it further away.

My HV suggested that my DC go into their own room when this was happening.

She was correct in assuming DC was waking up, could hear us in the room and wanted to play..

I coslept and put DD in a Montessori small double bed when she was 1.5. I’d get in with her when she woke up and just stay with her. Eventually she stopped waking up in the night most nights.

I had wondered about that. But funnily enough she never wakes up when we go to bed, it's always sometime in the dead of night.

Send older dc for a weekend to a premier inn with gparents or aunties…or a sleepover somewhere they wont be disturbed

Sleep train the 2 yr old

Try sleep training, yes will be awful at first but should be able to turn it around in 5-7 days at that age

I did the same.

Except I wasn’t as smart as you so DD had a single floor bed and I either shared with her or slept on the floor.

Small double bed. Why the hell didn’t I think of that???

Same with us. Never woke as we were going to bed, it was more later when they stired/turned and instead of dozing back off they could hear us and that was that.

I remember watching through squinted eyes one night, DC woke up, I could see their silhouette turn towards us, looking and listening as though they weren't sure we were there or not but the minute they heard DH snort DC would sit up and not go back until they were lifted our and deposited in our bed...

I have considered a floor bed, maybe a double would be a good idea.

Have you tried putting DC in their own room?

Equally it isn't going to help your DD if she's still having disturbed nights once she starts any form of nursery/schooling long term.

I know. It's for her own benefit too. I believe that some kids need more support sleeping than others and I don't mind her in our bed when we all actually manage to get some sleep! But as she's getting bigger it's disruptive to dh and I. I also worry that it's setting her up for dependency and sleeping issues as she gets older.

She already goes to nursery fwiw and it hasn't bothered her. She seems to sleep pretty well to be honest.

We have a double floor bed in ds' own room. I lie next to him while he goes to sleep and then get in next to him when he cries in the night. He has had long periods where I don't need to get in at all, then when there's a sleep regression or he's poorly I'm in there more often. But it's much better than I have my own space to go back to

@rufioooooo my little girl is not a great sleeper, tried cot bed and floor bed. She sleeps well in our own bed although waking a few times she quickly settles.

I have just stuck her in a double in her own room, slept with her for a few nights and I'm now at the stage of going in and settling the night wakings and then sleep in there when it gets too much. I know she will grow out of it (I have a 20 year old son) she just seems to want/ need human touch at some point in the night. Whenever I talk to her about sleeping in her own bed she responds (at almost 4) that I sleep in bed with daddy, and she doesn't want to be alone!

This. Its what we did, large floor beds. Climb in, climb out. If you don't get to climb out you get more space to sleep comfortably.

It's a good point isn't it. I sometimes feel weird sleeping in bed alone when dh is away so how do you explain it to a 2 year old who is so used to contact and company during the night? If I have to sleep with her then so be it but I do think it's time she had her own room and her own space. For her sake as well as ours.

@rufioooooo our little one has had her own room for years, she actually loves her new bed and is fine sleeping in it. I've tried talking about what makes her wake up and she doesn't know. It's not needing the toilet or a drink and she does self settle some times during the night. We have a night light on the landing so it's never too dark as she doesn't like that. Sometimes she stirs and when co sleeping her leg searches me out and then hooks over mine. I'm just persevering and trying to still keep my sanity (as both her and I sleep better co sleeping). She is also a child who would just sob and sob if I sleep train, that's not something I can do right now

Please sleep train her. It's best for all of you especially her. I know someone whose child was like this and slept with them till 8!!
Don't bother with moving beds into your room, you're not doing right by her just making the problem worse.

With my older child we did what you did and sleep trainer him at 2.5 out of sheer frustration from being so sleep deprived. This time around, with my 14mo we sleep trained her at 10months and I absolutely regret not doing it with my older child.

Also faffing around with beds on the floor, you moving in the middle of the night and waking her or just waking yourself up to go to your own room - don't bother with all that.

Sleep train her, get your evenings and normal life back, she and you will get a good and healthy nights sleep.

We have our evenings. And usually a good 1-2 hour nap time during the day too. She has no problems going down to sleep. It's just the middle of the night wake ups and sleep training wouldn't be appropriate then because she's literally hysterical and would wake my other dc up. Plus I couldn't leave her that upset, she's a stubborn little thing.

But I do agree that her own room is best for her, she will outgrow her cot very soon and I'm absolutely not going to be putting a bed in our room!