Need help with toddler

[rufioooooo]

As much as I hate the phrase, we have made a real rod for our backs with our toddler dd and her sleep habits. She has just turned 2 and never slept in her own room. She started in a crib next to our bed and then a cot. She will happily nap/go down at night in there but 99% of the time she wakes at some point during the night hysterically crying until we put her in bed with us. The problem is she then wriggles, kicks and keeps us up most of the night and wakes for the day at 5am. We are shattered.

I'm not against co sleeping, at times it's actually been really nice but now it is becoming too much and none of us are sleeping well. I know I need to transition her into her own room but I just feel like the pattern will continue and we will either end up doing the exact same thing or one of us will end up getting in a single bed with her.

I can't have her being so hysterical in the night, she doesn't self settle and she would wake my other dc up.

Does anyone have any tips about the best way to do this? I'm not too worried about her settling first off, it's the middle of the night wake ups that will cause the problem. Help!

My DD was like this but we very successfully transitioned her through the following approach- 1) read books to her about being a big kid and having her own room; 2) Got her some bedsheets that aligned with her interests (in this case fish) and talked about how cool they were and how lucky she was to get to sleep in her big girl bed with the cool sheets etc, building up to it for a couple of days before the move. 3) Slept on the floor (on a couple of duvets) for the first night and held her hand if she woke. Spoke lots and lots before sleep about how mummy and daddy would come as soon as she needed us etc. 4) Gradually moved out of the room - on the floor the first night holding her hand, the next few nights in the chair in her room keeping her company, then outside the door.

She took to it much better than we thought, she was definitely ready. We also gave her books and said she could read them if she couldn't sleep but actually she'd always just chat to herself and drop off.

Good luck with it, you can do it.

P.S. we used a book called something like Gentle Sleep Training by Elizabeth Pantley. It was very helpful.

My two year old was very similar until recently. I got her a floor bed (only a single) and moved her to her own room.

I followed the advice in Andrea Grace’s Gentle Sleep Solutions for toddlers to support the transition. I guess it was sleep training but at no point did I leave her to cry. I just made it clear that she couldn’t come into my bed but I would lie next to her until she fell asleep instead. Once she realised she wasn’t able to come in she has stopped waking most nights and started sleeping through.

I found the book useful because it’s specifically for toddlers, lots of scenarios and published very recently so less outdated advice.

Like the pp I also used some of the advice in Elizabeth Pantley’s book No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers too.

Just done this with my 4 year old. It is only us here so at the moment I am just sleeping there all night, but tbh it's me finding it hard to sleep without him 🤣.
(My room is a bit of a dumping ground at the moment, plan is to sort that out when he's at his dad's next and reclaim my own bed with a nicely sorted calm room to sleep in)

Our situation was and is again very simular to yours but without the consistant waking. We had a 3/4 bed in DD room for sharing if needed when she was younger, or worse case swapping with DH although we always avoided that where possible. She alwaya at about age 3 webt to bed in her bed and Id lie by her reading and she would then nod off. If DD ended up coming into bed with me or me into bed with her. She was always returned to her own bed or me to mine once she nodded back off which was key. That way I wasnt always right there but she was never left to cry and get freaked out and we slept better for thw remaining hours. I suppose as she knew that she was instantly more relaxed, there was never that fear of being left. I can assure you that it does not last forever. DS sleeps happily in his own bed next to me. DH will sleep in the spare room if needed. We just dont make a big deal of it and we all sleep well (if there are no illnesses etc). Again it doesnt last forever.

We have a king bed not a double, concidered an even bigger one but it wasnt worth it and DD just naturally out grew it and slept happily in her own bed as she aged.

What I dont understand is with controlled crying or sleep training how people can gentle and kind parenting and would never let their child cry in distress alone in the day, but then that becomes acceptable at night.

I can remeber crying at night (as Im sure we all can to an extent) when I was young and being ignored or not heard for whatever reason and it was a horible feeling.

I appreciate this wont work for everyone especially if you have 2 children close in age, ours are not so that was never an issue.

If she is waking during the night then she is likely over tired going to bed.

Do you let her off to sleep by herself when she goes down first? If not she does need to be sleep trained. She can't be expected to self settle in the middle of the night if she can't do it at 7pm and trying to sleep train initially at 2am is definitely not a runner. You need to get 1st bedtime sorted.

First 3 nights stay beside her as normal, no discussion or engagement with her, use a sleep phrase if necessary. 2nd 3 nights move 3ft away from her, 3rd 3 nights stay close to the door, 10th night move outside the room.

Good luck!

Also look at her bedtimes. Split nights are normally down to over tiredness. Try to bring your dd to bed a little earlier and see how it works..

A mat on the floor next to my bed worked. DD still came to sleep on it but it tapered off. She understood that it was either ‘the mat’ or her own room/bed. Good luck OP

😂 in your defence, we already had a small double mattress spare and FIL is a joiner so he made the bed to our spec. The ones I’d found online were pretty pricy!!

She goes down into her cot awake at bedtime and nap time and settles herself off to sleep. Always has done. No issues with that which I'm grateful for. It's just when she wakes up in the night she is inconsolable.