Boyfriend texting his ex wife

[Monday1976]

I would love to hear what others think but sorry for the ramble.

My boyfriend and his ex have quite a strained relationship (or so he says). They have a child together and everytime she says jump, he asks how high. We have been together nearly 2 years and although they were separated when we met, she has always been horrible.about me. She wouldn't let me see their son for nearly a year. Then my boyfriend put his foot down and said he had decided I was safe enough. She says horrible things about my job and belittles me. Their son has mentioned some things she has said. At Xmas she made us all leave a family visit at 6.30am so we would be back for 9am for a santa visit (at this event my brother's SIL took me aside and said she thought i was putting up with a lot).

His ex changed plans on my boyfriend's birthday in Decemember and instead of his son staying over with him to celebrate, she asked for him.back. I suggested she pick him up from my house as this is where my partner and his son were and my partner had had a celebratory drink at a pantomime we went to.She refused and made them walk in torrential rain to her as she didn't want to come near my house.

I have seen texts from her to my boyfriend saying I am emotionally unstable and she doesn't want her son around me. My boyfriend never sticks up for me. She is always keen to know if we argue and one time my boyfriend said we had a fall out and she asked him around to her house. I have told my boyfriend how disrespected I feel.by her (and him). My boyfriend.says she is toxic and controlling. Despite putting her down, however, I found he.texted her to wish her happy birthday yesterday in the morning. This has hurt and confused me but I don't know if IABU. I do feel humiliated.as she was out with her sister and they must have wondered why he was texting her when he is with me. When I raised it with him.he got angry with me.

His ex wanted us to change our plans with their son today. It was not possible but he sent her the longest apologetic text ever. The reason we couldn't change it was because I bought tickets for my boyfriend, his son and I to go to an event - with careful planning from my boyfriend weeks ago. I wasn't sure why he was apologising as neither he nor I did.anything wrong. He was saying he really hoped she was able.to still.have a good birthday. I saw other texts he had sent her recently which were him trying to reach out with news about someone they both knew dying. He never told me and i should be the one supporting him with this. And from the tone of the texts his ex clearly wasnt interested in his messages.I feel such a mug that he is texting her but AIBU?. I have also noticed he has stopped caring about his appearance around me. I really think I need to let him go as he clearly isn't putting me first/being honest about their relationship/making enough effort with me. What do you think?

No, OP would be better off without him., she’s not the problem here.

Jesus Christ 🤣🤣 Are we reading the same post?! In what fucking world does she seem jealous?! I fail to see how the bf is behaving appropriately by not maintaining reasonable contact and communication boundaries.

There’s keeping things civil, which is great. Then there’s this guy who is secretly still in love with his ex and allowing himself to be her whipping boy no matter the impact on his new partner.

No offence, but you could have a great career as a professional doormat if you would allow your partner to treat you like this OP’s bf is treating her.

It’s one year. Which is a perfectly reasonable amount of time. The attitude towards this decision was unacceptable and quite frankly weird

Honestly there are so many single men without baggage like difficult ex partners that they are tied to for life due to sharing a child.

You will never be put first and you will never be rid of her, I would dump and find someone without kids who can put you first.

I can’t stand my ex but will always make sure the kids get him something for his birthday and I think I also text him happy birthday aswell. It’s keeping it amicable because I have to speak to him sometimes about the kids. I’d much rather never see him again.
Fortunately my partner is a mature and sensible adult who understands this and didn’t insist on meeting my children early in our relationship. I waited a year to introduce him and informed my ex of the meeting incase the kids directed any questions at him.

It’s impossible to tell if the ex is just difficult or if you actually are someone she doesn’t want near her child. Your boyfriend sounds like it’s trying to keep two women happy and is probably miserable.

Either way, it’s not working for you so leave.

Thanks carpet slipper. I agree. We waited nearly a year too. My partner has joint custody and has his son every weekend. After a year he wanted me to meet his son and move the relationship forward. I get on well with his child. I have always been respectful to his mum and I even offered to meet her so she could see I was okay. I naively assumed she would agree. I have never met her and she hates me. She says awful things about me. I think as her child's mum she feels hurt by my presence. I do understand this. I do agree with the majority of the other posts. Things will never change. I ended things last night. There is too much unfinished business between them all and it feels uncomfortable. I realise he was texting his ex on Saturday when i was lying next to him in bed. Thanks all for your inputs.

@Monday1976 well done, I think you did the right thing. How did he react?

I don't agree with people who are saying 'The ex isn't the problem, your boyfriend is.' In reality, they are very much both the problem. The ex is a nasty piece of work who is massively bitter about her former husband having a new partner, and it sounds to me as if the boyfriend is addicted to the drama. They're an awful pair.

I feel very sorry for the child involved, because he is not being 'put first' at all. He's being used as a pawn in his parents' weird toxic game.

OP, looks like you have made the incredibly wise decision to part company with this man. Good for you! Can you imagine your life if you had a child with this man? Shudder at the thought.