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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not take my children out?

42 replies

Applescruffle · 17/03/2024 14:37

My kids are 6 and 10. I can't drive, despite trying for over 10 years. I just can't do it.

My eldest says that all his friends get to go out every weekend, whenever they feel like it, for lots of walks and stuff because their mums drive. And that he has boring weekends because I can't.
I don't think this is quite true, on Friday evening he had a friend stay overnight for a sleepover and they had lots of fun. I cooked their favourite meal and bought them snacks. Then when the friend went home on Saturday morning, my husband and I took them both out to the beach where we looked for crabs and built a small sandcastle, then we went to the park. 10yo then mowed the lawn and was given money for doing this which he was able to spend online, which kept him occupied on his games. I played paw patrol games with the youngest for the rest or the afternoon, or she had the option of helping daddy in the garden.
Today husband is working. I am tired. I work all week as well as do the school runs, and my share of housework and cooking. They want to go to a park that has a pond full of frogspawn to collect some to put in our pond. I said we maybe could this afternoon but now I just don't want to. I didn't think about it being Sunday, buses are very few abd don't go directly to the park, meaning we would have to walk 20 minutes uphill from the town centre. I can't leave when we want because I'd have to wait for the bus, which might not even turn up. It's cold and wet and miserable and my house is nice and warm and I have a good book on the go and laundry to do. If I could jump in a car, take them there and collect some then go home, I would. But I cant. Even if it was a sunny day, I probably would. But it's not. Plus 6yo will be a nightmare when it's time to leave.

So I've told them we can go tomorrow after school when there's more buses and they go directly to the park.
I just feel so guilty and inadequete. They act so disappointed and I feel so bad about not being able to drive them around like the other mums.

But should I feel guilty? They do go out, they do get stuff to do. They get love and attention. They've got plenty of toys, games, activities and a big garden at home.

Is it normal for kids to have their whole weekends filled with stuff to do? How much do you expect them to entertain themselves? And how often do you take them out?
Would you have sucked it up and taken them today? Or told them to find something to do at home themselves because I deserve a weekend of my own? Is 6 and 10 reasonable ages to not be entertained by me all day?

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 17/03/2024 14:39

It sounds like their weekends are lovely. I don’t believe in cramming weekends full of outings. Have a chill and don’t beat yourself up. 10 is an age when they complain about all sorts of shit. I’d it wasn’t this it’d be something else.

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 17/03/2024 14:43

For 10yo's, the grass is always greener.

I wouldn't worry. Lots of parents who drive still wouldn't take their kids wherever they wanted at the weekends.

Nevermind31 · 17/03/2024 14:43

Can’t you do something local? Take their bikes to the local park?
i don’t think they need lots of stimulation all weekend, they need time at home too…

LibbyLemoncake · 17/03/2024 14:48

I don’t think it’s good for kids to be permanently entertained, taking them here there and everywhere, they need to be bored sometimes and use their imagination. Some of the best games we had as children were ones we made up because we were bored.

Nutsabouttopic · 17/03/2024 14:51

I think you are doing great. Sit down and read your book. Everybody especially children need time to just sit and relax. We have gotten so busy that we feel bad if we are not doing something all the time. For our and our children's mental and physical health we all need to be able to just sit

PuttingDownRoots · 17/03/2024 14:52

My just 11yo spends a large proportion of the weekend playing out with friends. The only place I take them regularly is their extra curricular activities.

They are pretty similar to their friends.

5128gap · 17/03/2024 14:56

Oh take no notice OP. They're just pulling their faces because you've said no for once and are going for your weak spot. For goodness sake stop apologising for yourself. You sound like a fantastic mum who does loads with them and tbh what more could they want even if you did drive than a beach on the doorstep, park and a warm welcome to your home for their friends? Please don't let the emotional manipulation of pre teens make you doubt yourself, because take it from me, there will be loads of 'it's not fair, so and so has this or that' coming, so buckle up and learn to smile sweetly, say 'oh how nice for so and so. You don't.'

PickledMumion · 17/03/2024 14:59

That's a perfectly pleasant weekend! I do have a car, but even so we tend to only do half a day out per weekend at the moment (we'll do more when it's warm and dry and actually pleasant outside!)

I've had to spend the whole day doing boring housework/laundry. My kids are the same age as yours - they've done a bit of reading, helped me out a bit when they got bored, stopped helping when that got even more boring (!) and now they're creating jurassic park in the living room apparently. We'll do some homework 3-4 then we'll watch a film and eat pizza on the sofa. Happy days.

femfemlicious · 17/03/2024 15:00

I think going to the beach is enough activity for the whole weekend. My kids would be very happy with that. Your kids don't know how lucky they are!

PickledMumion · 17/03/2024 15:00

Also FWIW my 10yo complains bitterly if I ask him to get in the car and come with us for a lovely walk 🤣🤣

NeurodivergentBurnout · 17/03/2024 15:08

I have a 10yo, I’m single parent. She moans her Dad makes her ‘do stuff’ every time she’s there. He takes her out because his step kids moan their Dad never ‘does stuff’ with them! Honestly, it sounds like you’re over-anxious that your inability to drive is affecting them but kids will moan regardless. Try to find a balance at weekends where you do some stuff but also rest!

Undethetree · 17/03/2024 15:10

10yo are professional complainers....their weeknd sounds lovely. Remind them that it's your weekend too.

Avopopcorn · 17/03/2024 15:13

It does seem a bit mean to imply you were going to go to the park and then not go. Fine to not go, but I think that should've been made clear in the morning.

theplanner24 · 17/03/2024 15:17

My 7 year old serially complains they've had a boring weekend where we have done nothing exciting! I think when they say they don't "go out" they mean they haven't been taken to somewhere which costs money to get in and then has an overpriced gift shop at the end of it!

Mammma91 · 17/03/2024 15:17

The grass always seems greener on the other side. I was absolutely convinced I’d be here there and everywhere with young DS when I passed my driving test in 2022. As much as he does enjoy the car, the novelty does ware off and he’s not that fussed about going out at the weekend after a busy week. It sounds like your weekends are still fun and busy. You’ve actually done more this weekend than we have! Also .. it took me a long time to learn to drive. Dont feel so defeated, it didn’t come naturally to me either.

Robinbuildsbears · 17/03/2024 15:17

Send the 10 year old off on a bus by themselves? Or you know, with a friend.

Applescruffle · 17/03/2024 15:25

Robinbuildsbears · 17/03/2024 15:17

Send the 10 year old off on a bus by themselves? Or you know, with a friend.

Its the frogspawn he wants. He looks after the pond in the garden himself, hes really into wildlife. Our frogs haven't come back this year so he wants to go get some. He says he's got the pond all ready. If there was frogspawn we knew about locally, somewhere he knows, he would go himself on his bike. But he doesn't know the way to this park and wouldn't be confident going alone, or finding the pond when he gets there.

When I was a kid, I would play out with local kids all weekend. They are my best memories. I dont think it ever crossed my mums mind that she wpuld need to entertain us all weekend. But noone round here let's their kids out to play so there's noone he can just go and knock for and ask to come out.

It will be better in tbe summer when they can play in the garden because they play with the neighbours through the fence.

Anyway. I am fast loosing sympathy because eldest has just come down and had another moan-up about what I'm doing for dinner tonight. So he can sod off. And I just remembered we watched a movie together last night too and he got to stay up super late. Little sod lol.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 17/03/2024 15:35

I wouldn't worry it sounds fine from what you said.

I don't think that people with cars go out every weekend (at least not in my experience anyway). in fact i think i take my child out more places than the people who drive.
my child is 10 and i don't drive. but we walk a lot.

but i like getting out more than you from the sounds of it.

mammaCh · 17/03/2024 15:40

Plenty of people don't drive.
The weekend is what you make of it. There must be things to do nearby that don't cost loads.
My kids - same ages- would be very upset if I'd told them I'd take them somewhere, but then changed my mind because I couldn't be arsed and wanted to read a book.

MariaVT65 · 17/03/2024 15:42

It depends on what else you do at weekends and how local things are. A trip to the beach sounds lovely, so they are lucky with that. A park every weekend would get boring though.

I personally depend on my car to save my sanity as i wfh all week so i need to get out of the house. I use it to visit friends/family, to take my son swimming, to soft play, to museums etc.

Also depends on your bus route. Unless i want to look at multiple buses with extremely long journeys, my goes to a supermarket, a very cold swimming pool my son hates, university, hospital and town, where there is bugger all to do for kids.

The weekend you’ve described sounds great bur it depends what other weekends are like.

Mrsjayy · 17/03/2024 15:46

FrenchandSaunders · 17/03/2024 14:39

It sounds like their weekends are lovely. I don’t believe in cramming weekends full of outings. Have a chill and don’t beat yourself up. 10 is an age when they complain about all sorts of shit. I’d it wasn’t this it’d be something else.

this I don't think your kids have a "bad life" as much as your son will moan about I mean you can walk to the beach, anyway I don't think children need to be entertained every weekend.

PassingStranger · 17/03/2024 15:46

FrenchandSaunders · 17/03/2024 14:39

It sounds like their weekends are lovely. I don’t believe in cramming weekends full of outings. Have a chill and don’t beat yourself up. 10 is an age when they complain about all sorts of shit. I’d it wasn’t this it’d be something else.

No you shouldn't feel guilty.
Loads of people don't drive dosent mean you can't have a good life.
If you can't do it you can't do it end of.
You'll have a little bit more money because your not running a car.

Applescruffle · 17/03/2024 15:49

PassingStranger · 17/03/2024 15:46

No you shouldn't feel guilty.
Loads of people don't drive dosent mean you can't have a good life.
If you can't do it you can't do it end of.
You'll have a little bit more money because your not running a car.

We do run a car, it's just DH that's drives it

OP posts:
mitogoshi · 17/03/2024 15:49

Trust me, if you were dragging them out for nice healthy activities they would whine about that too. They want what they don't have!

Mrsjayy · 17/03/2024 15:51

I couldn't pass a driving test for the life of me although Dh did drive when he was working including some weekends we had to get ourselves about.

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