Who is being unreasonable?

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Feminism came up somehow this morning

DH commented "ah but feminists like you still like dinner being bought for them eh?"

I said "I don't think so. I've never expected dinner to be bought for me"

DH scoffed "you always want dinner bought for you by me". He was making jokes basically you're all feminisst until you want something paid for.

The thing is we haven't been for dinner out for about 3 years and due to him not working I've been paying for mortgage, bills and kids by myself for months.

I made the comment to the affect and now he's annoyed at me. Was I being unkind?

Sometimes he makes jokes about me and shopping/handbags which is so weird as im a scruff and have never owned any fancy bag in my life!
He sees you as a caricature of a woman instead of who you actually are.

Ohhhh.. he's doing that thing, isn't he? The one where he feels so emasculated he has to break the self esteem of the women in his life, especially those who could hold power over him, even if they don't want to have that power.

i'm actually happy being the breadwinner and know when he does find a job that 80% of the outgoings will still be down to me
You might need to rethink that. He's not the kind of man who will be able to handle this inequality without constantly kicking out at you. He needs to either step up financially or you both do joint counselling to fix this anger and resentment (his at the moment, but you will get it eventually ).

Also, please tell him that jokes are supposed to be funny. Saying he's only joking, or it's banter innit, is not acceptable to most grown ups.

I think this is true @SBHon Sometimes he comes out with comments that would put Jim Davidson to shame; cliche comments about the way women are. Gossipy, like spending money, bitchy, can't park. All joking of course. Not only is it insulting but it's so far from his reality when I manage everything re: bills, mortgage, car insurance, MOT. I hit back today as was fed up and now he's hurt and said I'm lauding it over him. All I said was "we never go for dinner and if we did - it would be more likely i pay for it than you". Which is true.

i'm finding it really making me dislike him. I think it is coming from insecurity. But it's also bullshit. And i can't be expected just to laugh along.

I think you need to sit down with him and say, 'Dave we need a serious chat. You pissed me off with your silly little comment about feminists - but frankly the elephant in the room is that fact that you are not working. You need to find a job now. I can't keep providing the roof over our head and the food on the table - and I resent having to do so, particularly when you then start trying to put me down. You need to get a job doing anything - or you need to move out, frankly. I'm not keeping you with your feet under my table any longer. This stupidity has gone on long enough.'

He can get a job. He can apply to Tesco/Lidl/Aldi. Bank care home work is always available. Amazon look for drivers. There is always stuff out there - he just thinks he doesn't need to bother. But he needs to get a minimum wage job if necessary at least.

It’s one of those classic situations of a bloke parroting nonsense he hears in general society and applying it to you even though the total opposite is true.
A kind of cognitive dissonance.

’oh you know what you women are like all feminists until something needs paid..’

My dad gets on like that and my sister and I ensure we jump in to point out he’s talking utter shit and making a twat of himself. Only way to deal with it.

I think some men reach a stage when they can’t be bothered to conceal their misogyny anymore. Even when they’ve been playing what was once the female role and have been “kept” by a woman.

'Only joking.' The cop out of the bully. Also 'what's wrong, can't you take a joke/where's your sense of humour?'

Oh dear op, bad news is he is pretty thick, to think he can get away with saying women like men to pay for everything to you, the woman who pays for everything. And now he can’t handle the truth and is sulking. Bleugh.

I’d point out that if you weren’t a feminist he’d be the breadwinner and you’d be sat home drinking afternoon tea.

So he expects to not work, not cook dinner AND make arsey comments about feminism? He’s a prize worth keeping, isn’t he? I’m assuming he must be so beautiful to behold that the seas part for him in wonder.

I'd be. dry blunt and say 'you don't seem to mind letting this woman keep you'
Keep your pathetic comments to yourself.
Personally wouldn't be with a man like this.

*very blunt

He's a red pill creature aka weirdo that hates women. Be careful

BROKE men love to comment on these things

So he can say something insulting and it’s a joke. You point out facts and it’s offensive?

What’s all this ‘men can’t point out when they out earn their wives’, says who?

If it’s relevant to the conversation, like it was here then of course they can point it out. Who told him they can’t?

He also sounds like one of those men who talk about how women are gold diggers and they won’t marry a woman because that’s all she is after. The vast majority of these men have no gold to dig, so not sure why they are concerned.

It would be a really shit gold digger, to go after most of the men that worry about it.

He is a gaslighting prick and trying to DARVO you.
Tell him the truth is he wants you to be 100% feminist and even more, so that you continue paying everything for his cockloger's ass.

I dunno how he DARED come out with that shite when you’re working and he isn’t, pretty bloody outrageous! Why isn’t he working? A ‘career break’ is fine, taking 3 years to decide what you want to do most certainly isn’t.

If you made an equally offensive joke about him being a kept man I bet he wouldn't be amused

Absolutely!

Good Point

Tell him jokes have to be witty and funny, he’s neither. However, he is a sponger.
Of course you should have pulled him up on his ignorant sexist shit.

Encouraged you to work more? Oh my God, no wonder!

He's being a twat and yanbu.

I'm reminded of the saying, "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"!

I do think he might just becoming more and more of a prick. He just complains about everything- speed limits, young people, women. I find it so boring and small minded. But more often than its about me. He made a fat joke last night while I was trying to talk about a parenting thing. He didn't used to be like this i swear.