Baby shower - not invited

[Alltoowell2023]

Recently separated, going through a divorce from abusive ex husband. Was always very close to the WAGs of my ex’s best friends - they came to the hen do/ wedding, one of them still does my nails etc. Have been away with them since separation (where I did offer not to come as wondered if I was no longer welcome as divorcing) but we had a nice time and wasn’t awkward.
one of the girls is expecting her first baby and I’ve just found out one of the others has organised a baby shower and I’m not asked. No cross words with any of them. When I’ve spoken to them about the breakdown of the marriage separately most have commented they could see how controlling my ex was and that I was. obviously unhappy. AIBU to feel really hurt that no one has even mentioned it or explained why I’m not included? Feel like I’m being punished for divorcing.

I don’t know what else there is to say, other than this seems like it was always going to be a possibility as it was and remains your ex’s social group. I would distance myself gracefully.

Does your ex have a new partner they have invited instead?

cant believe who’s voting YBU.

Thankfully not of the generation where we had the baby shower 'sh*te' but in a divorce situation you will find that shared friends will take sides and will support different parties. I am very sorry to say that sides will be taken
From my experience you need to forge you own life and take friends with you that support that

It may be that the men are coming. Sometimes they do.

I don’t think so. He is shagging anything that moves at the moment. just a shame as I’ve been very open about everything including where my behaviour was less than white and I counted these women as friends. My ex is not very good at keeping up with their husbands/boyfriends socially. I did wonder if it had come directly from the mum to be as her husband is probably the closest to my ex.

Sadly this is what happens when you divorce, you really find out who your real friends are and support can come from people you didn’t expect it to.

Sorry to say that need to find a new group, as they have chosen your ex.

YANBU and I'm so sorry to hear this OP.

You mention your ex was controlling, which makes me wonder if he may be pulling strings via the WAGs DP's?

Is there someone you could have a quiet word with see if this is likely?

Though if it is the case, you may be safer with more distance from them all...

Unfortunately OP I think this is the start of your friendship with the group of WAGs coming to an end. As much as it would be lovely for you to remain friends with them and for the divorce not to change the dynamics of your friendship with them, it does sadly. At the end of the day, they will always be the WAGs of your ex’s friends, not yours. Sorry you’re going through this 💐

When you divorce you find out who your real friends are. It's always difficult. My exh went mad at me and said I'd stolen all of our friends from him. The truth was that several of our joint friends were my friends originally and some of our friends who were originally exh friends didn't like his behaviour, or their wives were disgusted by him so he lost their friendship, including his best friend. I didn't steal them from him he lost them all by himself. It's awkward if friends have a BBQ etc and don't want to invite both of you especially if not an amicable split. Don't think any more about it. I'm sure you can make new friends.

This.

They are the social group of your ex.
When a couple split up, overwhelmingly, people tend to continue to see the half of the couple they knew originally. That isn't you.

Start to make new friends. I would also use another nail technician.
It’s very common.

I think the fact you refer to them as the WAGS of your ex's friends is telling. Even you don't consider them true friends- more friends of circumstances. Have you ever kept in touch with another WAG who split up?

Baby showers are American and vulgar. Be pleased that you do not have to attend!

I'm the first one to split in the ten years or so we've all known each other.
Just really sad as they were v supportive about it all. Some of my ex's behaviour was also directed towards them and I know the girls were disgusted at the time.

Not helpful at all 🙄

I would ask them outright. X

Who wants friends who think baby showers are an acceptable thing to have?

I think you just have to accept that you will lose people along the wayside as part of a divorce. If they aren't inviting you, then they aren't your friends. See it as a new chapter in life for friends as well as ex's and find a new set of friends.

Baby showers are bloody awful, you've dodged a bullet there.

They are the partners of your exs mates. Yabu. He is likely going. People seem to invite men to showers now also.

Yesterday. Rather depends on one's point of view!!

People can be friendly and not invite people just because they invite others for no reason other than it is what they have deciced at the time

Why do people have to find some conspiracy or 'They must tell me the reason if they don't I have to ask' in everything

the world does not revolve around each of us things can happen without us and then normal life resumes after that one event

Honestly I've never met anyone that dislikes baby showers like people on mumsnet do.

They're not your social group, they're your ex's. Bound to happen unfortunately.

Honestly I've never met anyone that dislikes baby showers like people on mumsnet do.

I have.
Even more so amongst those that lost a baby at term.
Or are close to someone whose baby was born sleeping.