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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour Issues - Letter

70 replies

ThatDearGreyHare · 16/03/2024 21:53

Moved into house 6 months ago and have had a few issues with next door neighbour so interested in peoples thoughts and what they would do after the latest as not sure if I ABU.
Every house I’ve lived in I’ve always got on well with the neighbours so this has really caught me off guard. The new house is a terrace house on a private road each house has its own parking space in a car park area a short walk from the houses and also the option of parking on the street right outside the houses (as no permits/yellow lines).
First issue came about 2 weeks into moving in, about 7pm and I see next door neighbour approaching front door, I hadn’t met him yet but had seen him out the window and assumed that he must be coming round to introduce himself and say hi (the couple on the other side had been round with a card and bottle of Prosecco previously). I was actually on the phone and in my PJs so a bit embarassed and inconvenient but obviously I answered, he did introduce himself but then immediately started telling me I was parked in his space. I explained I wasn’t in the parking spaces I was parked on the street he said he knew that and I was parked in ‘his space’. I said I didn’t realise the spaces outside the front of the houses were allocated (they’re not) but also that I am parked right outside my house. He was really patronising and trying to talk down to me (he’s late 50s I’m early 30s). Explaining that ‘on this street we all park outside our own houses so that everyone can get parked and also was I aware I also had a parking space in the car park I could use instead (obviously I was aware of that when I bought the house). And that it was very rude/inconvenient that I’d had delivery men round during the week (god forbid when you’re moving house). I didn’t want to make an issue as I’d just moved in so apologised and said I’d take more care next time but he was insistent that I came and moved my car now. So I went out in my PJs and it turned out he literally wanted me to reverse back about 2 inches which I did but it left a really bad taste in my mouth and now feel like every time I park or have visitors I have to be so careful about where they park. Anyway he hasn’t mentioned it since, we have had another minor issue about a tree in the garden which is now sorted and then yesterday I came home to a letter posted through the door.
It was a long typed out and printed off letter from them basically asking me to get the gutters cleaned as they think it will affect their house. What’s really annoyed me is getting the gutters cleaned is a job I’ve been meaning to do but the house has a lot of work that was needed so it’s low on a very long list.
I know now from speaking to other neighbours that he is just a general arse, has an issue with everyone and everything and apparently the previous owners had a lot of issues with him (I never met them as they’d already moved out when I viewed). My dilemma is about the letter, would you write back? Go and knock and speak to them? Purposely not get the gutters cleaned ?(I know I will need to eventually but maybe I’ll push it down the list) I don’t want to cause a larger problem as I imagine I’ll live her for a while but it’s clear we’re never going to get on and there’s a part of me that wants to stand up to him but not sure how.

OP posts:
NotQuiteNorma · 16/03/2024 22:01

No, no, and no. Do not get drawn in. Ignore the letter and just stop engaging with them because people like this thrive on getting a reaction, so you deal with them by not giving them the one thing they are doing all this to get - don't react. Keep them at arms length and don't even acknowledge them. Posting letters like that is gutless and passive aggressive. I mean they can't just approach in person and say 'hello, were you going to get the gutters fixed'?

Holypricks · 16/03/2024 22:04

Ignore. Try not to get stressed, but he is not going to get better. Do not engage

xxxjanxxx · 16/03/2024 22:06

Ignore the letter. You can get your gutters cleaned when you're ready to get them cleaned.

And you can park on the the street - he doesn't have a 'his space' as anybody can park on the street if it's not parking controlled. He may not like it, but it's a fact of life he'll have to get used to.

He needs to learn basic manners and how to get on with neighbours.

From what you've said you're doing absolutely nothing wrong, so he's just trying to bully you to get his own way. Some people are like that ........ so just smile politely, ignore any instructions and carry on doing things in your own way and in your own time

BMW6 · 16/03/2024 22:09

Just ignore the prat. If he asks to your face say "I'll think about it".

If he asks you to move your car when you are parked legally just say No.

Be polite but don't give in to his bullying. He'll only get mire demanding if you do.

mrspick · 16/03/2024 22:10

I agree with everyone else, ignore him. Clearly a man with nothing better to do. If he approaches you in person I would just say thank you for your feedback and walk off.

Namenamchange · 16/03/2024 22:14

Certainly down her your gutters clean for the next few months as he will think he can ask for anything.

Scaffoldingisugly · 16/03/2024 22:14

Bin the letter... Never give him your number or engage in any conversation with him.. He isn't your boss, your landlord or your father.. You can politely tell him to stfu...

martinisforeveryone · 16/03/2024 22:16

He sounds like a bully, so make your mind up now not to be intimidated by him.

Don’t respond unless he catches you face to face. Prep some comebacks for if he does.

The car ‘it’s fine actually and to move it would be inconvenient’
Deliveries? ‘As you’ll have noted, that’s an infrequent occurrence’

As for the guttering ‘well, as you’ll be aware, this is not a good time to schedule that. I’m monitoring for any possible repairs, which naturally need a good dry spell in order for work to be carried out successfully’

If called upon to answer him treat it like a game of tennis, smile and bat it right back at him.

Thementalloadisreal · 16/03/2024 22:18

Yeah he’s not the parking police and the gutter patrol. He might think he’s king of the street but he has no authority and it’s weird and creepy that he made you move your car a tiny bit in your PJs. I’d avoid him, ignore, if he talks to you again shut him down politely but firmly, eg for the gutters something like “I appreciate your concern but it’s not my top priority right now, bye”.

MissyB1 · 16/03/2024 22:18

Draw your line now, it’s going to be important to have strict boundaries with this busybody. Ignore the letter and ignore him. If he comes around again politely tell him you are busy and shut the door. Don’t give him an inch.

AliCB · 16/03/2024 22:20

When you went to view the property, did you see the owners and if so, did you ask what the neighbours were like? I just wonder if they moved because of this neighbour. If there were any outstanding disputes they should have quoted that in their paperwork. It seems like this person is already disgruntled, albeit a 'Victor Meldrew', but just seems strange that he has so many issues, triggers already with you, in such a short time frame.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 16/03/2024 22:20

If he asks you to move the car again just claim that you have had a drink and you never drink and drive.

MrsO3 · 16/03/2024 22:23

Oh my goodness this got me so angry reading this!! What a prick! Please please please DO NOT reply to the letter. Rip it up and throw it in the bin. End of. You DO NOT have to clean the gutters on YOUR house just because HE said so. Who does he think he is?! If the other neighbours have said he’s an arse then he’s obviously just a really shitty person. He sounds like a bully, I cannot believe he made you move your car 2 inches in your pyjamas! He must have made you feel about 2 inches tall (ironically!) Please don’t ever do that again. You’re new to the street and he’s testing the waters to see what he can get away with. You already moved your car, if you reply to the letter or immediately clean your gutters on his say so then he will continue do things like this. Stand up for yourself by ignoring the letter and never giving in to his demands again. Congratulations on your new home by the way and sorry this man has tarnished what should be an exciting time for you x

Herdinggoats · 16/03/2024 22:23

If your gutters need to be cleaned you’d be foolish to delay or do it in your own time. Water overflowing down the wall can cause damp inside

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 16/03/2024 22:24

I would ignore it, but be prepared for him to ramp it up. When/if you bump into him and he asks you, say you'll be getting round to it in due time. I have had to deal with an arse neighbour (it was about a parking issue). I was very sure of my entitlement to park there and I ended up just calmly repeating that i was entitled to park there. So, my advice is to do your research on his complaints and be sure of your ground, rehearse what to say when confronted, and calmly stick to it. He is a bully. You may have to threaten him with reporting him for unreasonable behaviour (or similar) if he persists in harassing you. But you need to show him that you are prepared to stand up to yourself and won't be intimidated. Have courage!

Abitofalark · 16/03/2024 22:26

Ignore the letter. Do nothing. Fix your gutters as and when it suits you to do so.

About the parking, you said people park outside their own houses and your car was outside your own house. Where is his car? Is it not outside his house? I understand you moved yours a little just to be agreable.

Crumpleton · 16/03/2024 22:27

Again as others say, if he catches you and mentions it again tell him its on a long list of jobs that need doing that you're working your way through in order of importance.
Sounds like he feels that everyone should dance to his tune.

Then leave it at that, he doesn't pay your bills so you don't need to answer to him.

Keep reiterating the same reply if he continues to ask you and don't get drawn into conversation, hopefully he'll soon realise he's on a hiding to nowhere.

anon12345anon · 16/03/2024 22:27

What an absolute wanker he is!

Enjoy your new home Flowers

RelapsedChocoholic · 16/03/2024 22:27

You sound like a decent human, so be yourself- maybe he has a reason for needing a particular turning angle to park, maybe he’s had issues with damp/ has asthma/ suffers from anxiety about gutters - who knows…
he’s annoying/seemingly entitled but you’re not, so don’t let his behaviour change yours!

Just ignore, and stick to whatever timeline you had planned (don’t move them down the list to spite him, he’s not worth your time!) you do you, and think how nice it is not to be him!

(easy to say, I know, but it’s really true when you consider the reality of his actions- are you jealous you’re not the one typing letters to your neighbours?)

SD1978 · 16/03/2024 22:30

Ignore, don't engage and done let it bother you. Same as you would an abusive partner, you grey rock them, give them no time, and don't let them know they have had an impact. He will love knowing you cared. You know it's bollocks, so stick it in the bin, move on, and ignore

Applescruffle · 16/03/2024 22:32

Parking arguments irritate the hell out of me. I just do not understand how some people truly feel entitled to a stretch of road just because their house is built next to it. I get it's annoying to not be able to park outside your house, but you don't have that right. It's everyone's road. We all pay council tax.

Also the rules are clear and simple. Don't park in busstops, in spaces allocated to someone else, over or on people's driveways, on double yellows, and never on the zigzags outside schools.

If everyone just followed the rules and didn't act like entitled pricks, the world would be a better place. But everyone thinks they are a special case 🙄 😒 😑

In short - ignore the prick. He's a boring annoying old sod who needs to get a hobby. And it sounds like everyone knows it.

Noshowlomo · 16/03/2024 22:33

He’s a bully who is testing the waters. Arse!

FOJN · 16/03/2024 22:35

Do you live on your own?

Nip it in the bud now or he will never leave you alone.

The next time he approaches you be polite but firm and tell him his repeated complaints border on bullying and you will not tolerate it.

I had this with one of my neighbours shortly after I moved into a new house. I quickly found out that he complained to everyone about everything. I told him he was a bully and never heard another peep from him.

ThatDearGreyHare · 16/03/2024 22:35

AliCB · 16/03/2024 22:20

When you went to view the property, did you see the owners and if so, did you ask what the neighbours were like? I just wonder if they moved because of this neighbour. If there were any outstanding disputes they should have quoted that in their paperwork. It seems like this person is already disgruntled, albeit a 'Victor Meldrew', but just seems strange that he has so many issues, triggers already with you, in such a short time frame.

No, they’d already moved out so we’ve never met but I was told they had moved due to a new baby and needing more space.
Between me moving in and ‘the letter’ he has also tried to sell his house (for about £30k over what it’s worth or what I paid) but gave up after a few weeks so I think he’s doubling down now on being the boss of the street

OP posts:
LightSwerve · 16/03/2024 22:37

Never explain, never apologise.

If he speaks to you, just politely listen but then get away without committing or agreeing.

'I think you need to get your gutters done' - I would answer this with 'I'm responsible for my house and you're responsible for your house'.

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