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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour Issues - Letter

70 replies

ThatDearGreyHare · 16/03/2024 21:53

Moved into house 6 months ago and have had a few issues with next door neighbour so interested in peoples thoughts and what they would do after the latest as not sure if I ABU.
Every house I’ve lived in I’ve always got on well with the neighbours so this has really caught me off guard. The new house is a terrace house on a private road each house has its own parking space in a car park area a short walk from the houses and also the option of parking on the street right outside the houses (as no permits/yellow lines).
First issue came about 2 weeks into moving in, about 7pm and I see next door neighbour approaching front door, I hadn’t met him yet but had seen him out the window and assumed that he must be coming round to introduce himself and say hi (the couple on the other side had been round with a card and bottle of Prosecco previously). I was actually on the phone and in my PJs so a bit embarassed and inconvenient but obviously I answered, he did introduce himself but then immediately started telling me I was parked in his space. I explained I wasn’t in the parking spaces I was parked on the street he said he knew that and I was parked in ‘his space’. I said I didn’t realise the spaces outside the front of the houses were allocated (they’re not) but also that I am parked right outside my house. He was really patronising and trying to talk down to me (he’s late 50s I’m early 30s). Explaining that ‘on this street we all park outside our own houses so that everyone can get parked and also was I aware I also had a parking space in the car park I could use instead (obviously I was aware of that when I bought the house). And that it was very rude/inconvenient that I’d had delivery men round during the week (god forbid when you’re moving house). I didn’t want to make an issue as I’d just moved in so apologised and said I’d take more care next time but he was insistent that I came and moved my car now. So I went out in my PJs and it turned out he literally wanted me to reverse back about 2 inches which I did but it left a really bad taste in my mouth and now feel like every time I park or have visitors I have to be so careful about where they park. Anyway he hasn’t mentioned it since, we have had another minor issue about a tree in the garden which is now sorted and then yesterday I came home to a letter posted through the door.
It was a long typed out and printed off letter from them basically asking me to get the gutters cleaned as they think it will affect their house. What’s really annoyed me is getting the gutters cleaned is a job I’ve been meaning to do but the house has a lot of work that was needed so it’s low on a very long list.
I know now from speaking to other neighbours that he is just a general arse, has an issue with everyone and everything and apparently the previous owners had a lot of issues with him (I never met them as they’d already moved out when I viewed). My dilemma is about the letter, would you write back? Go and knock and speak to them? Purposely not get the gutters cleaned ?(I know I will need to eventually but maybe I’ll push it down the list) I don’t want to cause a larger problem as I imagine I’ll live her for a while but it’s clear we’re never going to get on and there’s a part of me that wants to stand up to him but not sure how.

OP posts:
LittleRedYarny · 17/03/2024 02:32

Im going to go against the grain here and say keep the letter, note the date you received it. If this becomes a pattern or he escalates you may find it useful to have evidence of escalating behaviour. (I’m not suggesting he will but plan for the worst/hope for the best.)

Next thing is if you are worried he will damage your car or house then get a front and back dash cam for the car and ring doorbell for the house.

Lastly grey rock this idiot if you encounter him in person.

Good luck and I hope his shenanigans don’t take the joy out of your new home!

puzzledout · 17/03/2024 03:57

I would keep the letter (at the back of a drawer, out of sight, out of mind), in case this escalates.

I would totally ignore her request, do not act as if you've even received his letter.

Firm and fair, if he ask you about the gutters, then it's a "yes they're on my list, but certainly not top priority, so not sure of timescale", keep walking, move away from him.

If he knocks asking you to park again, a very curt. "No, I'm legally parked" thanks and close the door.

Good luck.

JillyTheJinx · 17/03/2024 06:42

Rip the letter up and shove it through his letter box.

Octopuslethargy · 17/03/2024 07:27

Is the house semi detached?
If so you need to clean your gutters
We had a lot of damage and cost caused by the last neighbours crap from never cleaning gutters
If you are detached then non of their business.

But that wasn't the right way to go about asking you to do it.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 17/03/2024 07:54

JillyTheJinx · 17/03/2024 06:42

Rip the letter up and shove it through his letter box.

That was my first instinct, but it would likely escalate things. Completely ignoring him is the best response.

I think next time he approaches you I would ask, "What makes you think you have the right to tell me to do x?"

FlowerBarrow · 17/03/2024 07:57

Your mistake was in moving it that first time. Unless you do intend to stay on edge and ultra cautious parking in future you need to plan out some responses so you know exactly what you’re going to say next time

whyhere · 17/03/2024 08:03

I would get back in contact with whoever handled the conveyancing when you bought the house. The sellers had a legal obligation to tell you about neighbour issues, so you may have a claim. Won't solve the problem, but might make you feel a bit better about it!

Loubelle70 · 17/03/2024 08:07

I had this...amongst a long list of complaints. I keep my house and garden fine.
She was bored and wanted all neighbours to keep their house and garden like hers.
Her: "You shouldn't have a willow in the front garden really"
Me: i have what i want in my front garden ( walks off )
Be grey rock...your house your business.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 17/03/2024 08:13

If he approaches you again, say "Hang on a second Harold, I want to record this conversation on my phone."

Kelly51 · 17/03/2024 08:16

I knew you'd live alone, guaranteed if a man had opened your door he wouldn't have bullied him into moving car, controlling bully, ignore him.

AlaskaThunderfuckHiiiiiiiii · 17/03/2024 08:16

I’ve got a neighbour just like this OP thinks she owns the row of houses and is always making passive aggressive comments about stuff. I just ignore now, we work 5 days a week and then if it’s been raining of course we’re not going to get our grass cut right on schedule 🙄 anyway if I see her out the back I go out the front and if I do come across her I just say hello and keep on walking

SilentlyCorrectingYourSpelling · 17/03/2024 08:19

Ignore him but I would keep the letter. If he does ramp up his harassment, you might need it as evidence. And yes, record him every time he comes moaning.

Haydenn · 17/03/2024 08:37

Sort the gutters, it can cause damp if the water overflows down the wall

tanstaafl · 17/03/2024 08:38

Reply by letter thanking him for the reminder.
Then ask if he thinks it’s better to have the gutters cleaned before or after painting the front of the house <insert a bright colour of your choice>.

Actually, though he comes across as one of those types, I think or hope he’s just trying to get his new neighbour up to his imagined standards of neighbourly living.

His interactions are annoying but they’re not malicious.

I also wonder if OP arranged a handyman to come and clean the gutters, the neighbour would try to have them clean their own gutters too.

Noshowlomo · 17/03/2024 09:09

Agree that you should keep the letter in case there is a pattern that you need to report.
Otherwise him when you can, and grey rock when he’s talking to you.

BlueEyesBrownHair · 17/03/2024 09:27

Keep the letter. Do the gutter clean when it suits you, not him. Might be needed further down the line for a harassment case. God help you come summer. Your bbq will be too smokey, friends will be too loud etc etc. keep a diary

Flatleak · 17/03/2024 09:56

Clean your gutters. Don't wait until they start causing issues unless you're prepared to pay his costs when they cause damp in his house

NC03 · 17/03/2024 11:08

BlueEyesBrownHair · 17/03/2024 09:27

Keep the letter. Do the gutter clean when it suits you, not him. Might be needed further down the line for a harassment case. God help you come summer. Your bbq will be too smokey, friends will be too loud etc etc. keep a diary

That ^^
I had the same with an elderly neighbour who really hated women and really hated that I lived alone
He came swearing to my door one day about cooking smells (I was making a casserole) and my dad had previously been "he's elderly, be nice"
Well he didn't realise my dad was here, I opened the door fully, he saw my dad and his face.. all the colour drained from it

NC03 · 17/03/2024 11:09

Oh and if you do happen to have a slightly scary looking male friend, it does not harm for him to see them visit Wink

ThatDearGreyHare · 17/03/2024 12:39

Thank you all for these helpful replies. I think no response is the best response unless he approaches me and I will respond as suggested.
I am of course going to get the gutters cleaned. I’ve lived here 6 months which as anyone that’s moved house knows actually feels like about 6 days especially with the much more urgent jobs that were needed.
To give him benefit of the doubt you could assume that he’s just worried about his own property and as he doesn’t know me yet is worried I would just leave it. However in the letter he did inform me that they had their gutters cleaned a couple of months ago surely any reasonable person would have at that point knocked on my door and said ‘we’re getting someone out to clean the gutters in a few days shall we see if they can
do yours too?’ Or at least put the contact details of the person in the letter so I could book them in (I’ve moved to a new area so don’t know any contractors off the top of my head).
Someone earlier mentioned him possibly wanting to use the person I book to
come out which is quite funny. My house had a very large overgrown tree when I got the keys (an actual fairly urgent issue as it was very windy and looks like it might bring down a joint fence). I knocked on his door the morning they were due to come to say that the person would probably need to park in front of the houses and to apologise in advance if any tree cuttings end up on their side. His wife answered and when I said the plan she said ‘Ohhhh THANK GOD!! we’ve been worried sick about that! We thought you were never going to get it done!’ Then when the tree guys arrived he came out to ask them to trim his too!! 🙄😂

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