To call the police on my own aunt?

[Bottledmilk]

Going to air my own dirty laundry here but in desperate need of rational non bias advice tonight. Long time lurker, first poster.

Nine years ago, I had an argument with my aunt at a NYE party. She is my dad’s brothers wife so we aren’t biologically related. I was 19 at the time, everyone was drinking and then aunt started to talk very negatively about my mums mental health. My parents had not long divorced and my mum had taken it hard (affair involved from my dad ) and had tried to commit suicide. I had found her And resuscitated her and I wasn’t in a good place. Aunt was saying things such as world would be a better place, my mum was a psycho etc to anyone who would listen. it touched a nerve and I snapped at her and told her to shut up. We started arguing and it got heated and I chucked my half glass of wine at her. I’m not here to justify my actions- I know it was assault. In the end, we got separated and I left the party.

It’s now 9 years later, and I haven’t seen anyone on my dad’s side since (apart from my dad). I’m now 7 years sober, graduated uni, live in a city around 100 miles away and I’m expecting my first baby. Aunt and I haven’t had one word since. As far as I’m concerned, it’s in the past and it’s gone now. It’s been almost ten years.

However, whenever there is a family get together or a party- it always gets back to me that Aunt has been telling everyone there that when she sees me next she’s going to “kick my head in” and “smash my face up” and that I’m getting what’s coming to me. I’ve heard this from tons of people and I believe it’s true. Aunt is quite rough woman and was renown for being a “fighter” in her younger days. I’ve never really been bothered by it as I live miles away and honestly, I’m not interesting in continuing any sort of spat and the woman is 62 years old, I’ve also never had a fight in my life and just, no.

Anyway, bring forward to today. Family party last night- I didn’t attend. Siblings came home and telling me again via WhatsApp that aunt has been threatening again if she sees me and is out for blood, I also get a message from an old school friend who attended saying the same. I asked them if they told her it’s not on, and they said they don’t want to get involved.

Now, I’m a little worried- because I’m moving back to my town soon so I can be close to my mum for when the baby has arrived and I genuinely believe that if she saw me in the street with the baby she would attack me. I’ve never been bothered before with the 100 mile distance. I feel like calling the police but feel like they’ll laugh at the fact I’m reporting threats from a family member! I’ve also told my dad my plans to report her and he’s worried because although he thinks she’s mental he has a good relationship with my uncle.

So I guess WWYD?

She sounds unstable so could be a risk to you. Could you move to a slightly different area or your mum move nearer to you?

If not it might be worth asking the police for advice if she’s making public threats against you.

When you say these threats have been relayed to you by family members / old school friends, have they written them down or is this all over the phone?

Currently it's hearsay, and the fact your "family" and your "friends" are shit stirring like this (really, you would be none the wiser if they weren't giving you this information...) bothers me - has your dad / someone you trust imperatively confirmed this is what is being said?

Wow, I understand your concern. Yes these are threats. It doesn't matter that she is related by marriage I would still report to the police. She is intimidating you, and probably knows that reports are getting back to you.

I would be really disappointed that the wider family have not intervened on your behalf, they must be really afraid and intimidated by her themselves. I hope that the town you are moving too is large enough that you and your mother can avoid her entirely. All the best.

Try talking to her to see if you can smooth things over and both move on?

You need some evidence eg a whataspp message she sent to someone making a direct threat.
Bug all they would do is maybe speak to her ?

Take self defence clases?

Siblings came home and telling me again via WhatsApp that aunt has been threatening again if she sees me and is out for blood, I also get a message from an old school friend who attended saying the same. I asked them if they told her it’s not on, and they said they don’t want to get involved.

How horrible of them. Is that what people mean when they talk about "flying monkeys"?

Anyway, she's 62 and you're of reproductive age, so you wouldn't have much trouble parking the pram and fighting her off. It's amazing how much strength you lose after middle age. She sounds like she's all mouth and no trousers.

I would want to know why your family are still entertaining her and why no one has challenged her threats, what do your dad and uncle have to say. She's not your aunt, if she's really making yhreats then yes i would speak with the police. Keep the wattsapp messages.

At 67 would she have much of a chance against you? I would contact the non- emergency police line to ask for advice/log the threats even if they don't do anything about it.

I think I believe the threats because in the past 9 years, I’ve heard from at least over 20 different people that she’s been saying it. I also know what she is like with her fighting so it doesn’t surprise me.

I think people genuinely feel sorry for me dealing with her saying this stuff but they also don’t want to get on the wrong side of her and have her coming for them either.

I also believe however sick it may be that people just find it amusing and enjoy both her reaction and mine. People love drama. Shit but true.

You need to get proof.

I’d definitely apologise to her if I thought it would blow it all over but I genuinely don’t think for a second it would calm her down.

My dad is an absolute wet blanket if I’m honest (had an affair with someone twenty years younger) and when he was found out blamed us kids for “ruining his marriage”.

Siblings are fine, but are quiet and don’t want to get involved even if to defend their sister. No other family will stand up to her either. I’ve never been close to my uncle and I’m one of his eighteen nieces or nephews so he isn’t bothered about me!

She once when she was in her thirties beat up someone in their 70’s and received a caution, she’s never been to prison- she isn’t scared of conflict.

My dad’s side are quite rough tbh, but my mums side are lovely and normal so at least I have them! My mums upset I’m being threatened and she just wants them all to get over it now and leave us all alone.

Then don't give any reaction, why are people telling you all this, when you move back and she kicks off you call the police. Don't feed the drama, they all sound too over involved.

I don't think the police would do much, from experience. If I was you I'd just ignore everything, shut down anyone trying to tell
You what she said as you don't need to hear that, they're just stirring drama. And hopefully you'll never see her again. BTW what you did was totally understandable.

Maybe just ring 101 and have a chat?

YABU to go to the police as you have no evidence. Just hearsay.

If you get messages from others saying she has made threats, just ignore them. If your aunt is still bitter after 10 years then clearly her life is rather dull.

content warning animal abuse- MNHQ

I would not move back there. I'd rather manage a baby without my mum's day to day support than live in fear of getting beaten up tbh.

You could always message her privately and say that you've heard what she's been saying and if she lays a finger on you you will go straight to the police. I say privately because if you don't involve anyone else, she's got nothing to prove, iyswim. Anythings worth a try, but in all honesty, I think you'd be wasting your time and could actually end up making things worse.

I do know the type. I grew up on an estate filled with them and she's not going to back down. If you move back and come across her she will attack you. People who haven't got actual lived experience of this sort of person do not understand them.

The only way to deal with this sort is to be worse than them. And again, unless that's your life you just won't get it. So you either go round with half a dozen equally rough people and put the fear of God into her or you don't move back.

I grew up on an estate where a preschool child stomped ducklings to death. Where my neighbours pets were skewered to the bottom of their cage. Where my cat was half skinned alive and dragged her poor body back home before dying in front of us. Where our windows were put through time and time again. Where my bedroom window being open at night because it was hot got someone screaming abuse because "nobody better be nebbin up ther or I'll kick yur fuckin ead in" . Wife beating was normal as was beating your kids. You went to the police about anything and you'd seriously better never go home again.

It's a world you don't understand unless you've lived it but if you've lived it then you know how to survive it.

Scary. What a psycho she is! Your dad is pathetic too. Seriously, why don't you cut him off? Is he the type of person who should be in your child's life? He sounds like a spineless weasel who would rather keep the peace with his brother and his psycho wife than step up to protect his daughter and grandchild. Your siblings aren't great either, I can't imagine not wanting to get involved if someone was threatening violence to my sister and unborn niece. I wouldn't attend any parties where she was there either. Where's their loyalty?

I would speak to 101 for advice, at least it will be documented should the worst happen. Keep your wits about you and don't hesitate to call the police if she tries anything.

Tell everyone your not coming back with that psycho around and stick to it seriously why has no-one laughed at her and told her she is being pathetic

My concern would be if she went for you and "accidentally" hurt the baby but my dad's family is rough too and it's exactly what would happen and the police knowing the family name and reputation would say "mutual combat" and the mum would be criticised for endangering the child

It's why I avoid them and keep a low profile

The only way to deal with this sort is to be worse than them. And again, unless that's your life you just won't get it. So you either go round with half a dozen equally rough people and put the fear of God into her or you don't move back.

Yep, this. What you do not do is apologise.

its almost 10 years ago and she is still threatening violence. Jesus. I would move back, let it be known you will call the police if there are any threats and let the family deal with it. Nothing you do will placate her, so trying makes no sense.

Just go and see her without an audience , I very much doubt she will go mental over a cup of tea

I would message her directly, say you've heard what she's been saying and make it very clear that if she is violent in any way towards you if you see her you will be calling the police, say it's water under the bridge and you will happily ignore her if you see her if she so wishes. Maybe calling her out on it will take the wind from her sails, she will likely also respond something aggressive (don't reply to it) and that will be some evidence if the worst occurs and something happens and police do get involved.

Is a restraining order a possibility? I don't know how you'd go about getting one or what difference it makes though. If I were you I'd stay away and wash your hands of all of them. They sound awful! Move your mum closer to you and start a new life with your new baby.

Please ignore anyone suggesting to go and see her on your own with no witnesses! You are vulnerable and pregnant.
I would call 101 and explain and ask for advice. Even if it’s just to get it on record that you’re worried she’s going to assault you and advice about restraining orders.