To call the police on my own aunt?

[Bottledmilk]

Going to air my own dirty laundry here but in desperate need of rational non bias advice tonight. Long time lurker, first poster.

Nine years ago, I had an argument with my aunt at a NYE party. She is my dad’s brothers wife so we aren’t biologically related. I was 19 at the time, everyone was drinking and then aunt started to talk very negatively about my mums mental health. My parents had not long divorced and my mum had taken it hard (affair involved from my dad ) and had tried to commit suicide. I had found her And resuscitated her and I wasn’t in a good place. Aunt was saying things such as world would be a better place, my mum was a psycho etc to anyone who would listen. it touched a nerve and I snapped at her and told her to shut up. We started arguing and it got heated and I chucked my half glass of wine at her. I’m not here to justify my actions- I know it was assault. In the end, we got separated and I left the party.

It’s now 9 years later, and I haven’t seen anyone on my dad’s side since (apart from my dad). I’m now 7 years sober, graduated uni, live in a city around 100 miles away and I’m expecting my first baby. Aunt and I haven’t had one word since. As far as I’m concerned, it’s in the past and it’s gone now. It’s been almost ten years.

However, whenever there is a family get together or a party- it always gets back to me that Aunt has been telling everyone there that when she sees me next she’s going to “kick my head in” and “smash my face up” and that I’m getting what’s coming to me. I’ve heard this from tons of people and I believe it’s true. Aunt is quite rough woman and was renown for being a “fighter” in her younger days. I’ve never really been bothered by it as I live miles away and honestly, I’m not interesting in continuing any sort of spat and the woman is 62 years old, I’ve also never had a fight in my life and just, no.

Anyway, bring forward to today. Family party last night- I didn’t attend. Siblings came home and telling me again via WhatsApp that aunt has been threatening again if she sees me and is out for blood, I also get a message from an old school friend who attended saying the same. I asked them if they told her it’s not on, and they said they don’t want to get involved.

Now, I’m a little worried- because I’m moving back to my town soon so I can be close to my mum for when the baby has arrived and I genuinely believe that if she saw me in the street with the baby she would attack me. I’ve never been bothered before with the 100 mile distance. I feel like calling the police but feel like they’ll laugh at the fact I’m reporting threats from a family member! I’ve also told my dad my plans to report her and he’s worried because although he thinks she’s mental he has a good relationship with my uncle.

So I guess WWYD?

I completely understand why you threw your drink over her and I know the type too, but I wonder why she didn't go for you then? I think I would've done if someone threw a drink over me!

She obviously felt humiliated and has festered all these years. She has a big mouth, but will she actually do anything? Only you can decide. If it was only you and you're a lot younger than her, but you have your baby to consider. As a PP said, could your mother move closer to you, or could you not move so close, maybe 20 miles away?

Making a fuss after 9 years is just ridiculous, I bet people are stirring. I suggest you message her directly, apologise for your actions and see how she responds. If she's stupid enough to threaten you in writing, then you have evidence to take to the police.

I wouldn't dream of moving back there.

If she hits you belt her back twice as hard and do it until she knows you are not frightened of her, that's the only way to deal with bullies, she is doing it because she thinks you are frightened, if you front her she won't have the upper hand, don't hit her unless she hits you though.

I would ask police to advise and make clear to siblings not to pass this on and they're not to tell her you've moved or to where. I'm so sorry no one in family will stand up for you.

I don't think she'd obey one

What a horrid life for op having to walk around her community with her pram constantly up for a fight

I couldn't move back; not to the same town where I might run into her at the supermarket. Next town, maybe.

Don't let her frighten you off from moving close to your mum. You can't cower to weirdos like this.
She probably won't attack you in the street with a pram but if she does, she'll look mental, you've absolutely got the upper hand here.
Btw, sounds like you feel ashamed for throwing the drink on her when you were 19; absolutely don't be, you'd recently resuscitated your mentally unwell mother!!! And she was wishing her dead at a party.... i think you were very reserved considering the circumstances!

op given how intimidating you say she is to family, she has already had 9 years to track you down and hasn't bothered.

Fact is you stood up to her, and you were right to. Bully's don't often really go after those that stood up to them.

Anyway this is all very dramatic. Can I ask have you considered going NC with your dad too? He isn't helping you here and it's his side of the family that are causing you problems.

And the siblings and friends shouldn't be shit stirring if they aren't going to help support you. It's nonsense.

Your siblings should be NC with her too after what she said both then and now.

You don't need to apologise to her. I do t think you need to do anything other then tell everyone to grow up.

On the night you had an argument you threw a glass of wine at her and don’t mention that she physically attacked you at the time. She hasn’t tracked you down in the weeks after or in the years after.

Chances are if she didn’t do it then, she wouldn’t do it now. 10 years later.

To be honest, I would be more bothered that she feels so comfortable saying these things to people. And then these people go running back to you. They sound like a bunch of shit stirrers. I would be wondering why she felt so comfortable telling them this. She clearly thinks they are receptive to it. They sit and let it go in, then coming running to you? Why?

I come from a family where my mum and her sisters are all falling out. It’s really easy to not get involved. My mum wasn’t speaking to 2 of her sisters when she died suddenly. I don’t get involved now either.

I find it unlikely the police are going to do much about a woman sounding off at family parties, when in a decade she hasn’t actually done anything. Especially if a lot of the people getting involved will then say they don’t want involved.

This!

Personally I’d ignore it and get on with your life and ask your friends and family to stop reporting this to you after parties

it’s all hearsay and no direct threats have been made to you

you also say you’ve heard these reports for 9 years yet she’s never done anything to you yet so I highly doubt she will. Stop letting this affect your life. It’s been a decade.

Get her number and text her from a burner phone so you have proof

I would also confront people eg your siblings about why they are reporting back and not telling her to shove it

No not everyone, your Dads family are unhinged and dysfunctional. I'd have nothing to do with them. Also I wouldn't be moving back near them.

I would put money on her NOT following through with her actions. She’s being mouthy because she’s embarrassed that you threw a glass of wine over her and wants to look “hard”. If you confronter her about it I bet she’d soon change her tune and have nothing to say to your face.

Siblings are fine, but are quiet and don’t want to get involved even if to defend their sister.
Siblings are involved if they're carrying threatening messages to you, so their "don't want to get involved" line isn't very credible.

If she didn’t retaliate when you threw a glass of wine at her then I would say she is all talk. I would keep a dignified silence about it and wouldn’t even respond to your relatives when they tell you what she has said. They are weak for not standing up to her on your behalf. Sounds like they all love the drama so don’t give it any oxygen.

I wouldn’t contact the police unless she actually approaches you and is physically threatening. Don’t retaliate and get yourself in trouble.

Oh OP I am so sorry that you're going through all of this.
I know you want to be with your mum, but is moving to that area actually going to be safe for you? Would you feel settled?
I think having a conversation with the police for some advice would be the wisest thing. But I also would be concerned about them approaching her about it... I'm not sure what the right thing to do is, you definitely need to get some advice.
Heartbreaking your family (not mum) and seemingly allowing this to happen.
If someone threatened my sister or sons they would have to get through me first!
So sorry OP for what you've been through, so glad you have your mum 🩷

Sorry, not to derail the thread but, what part of the country was this?

Why on earth is your dad, siblings and friends allowing her to be saying this within their earshot and infron of them?

No way would this woman be saying this infront of my sister and other family members, esp if she's just an inlaw and not blood.

Also, don't be scared. She sounds like an awful bully. If she starts on you look her up and down and say grow up and walk away.

Don't address it or become involved. She will eventually get bored an will look like an idiot for continuing something from years ago.

I hope your mum is OK now?

I see quite a lot of people like this on my estate.
Yes it might be her being mouthy as she was embarrassed.
But that's no excuse for this kind of behaviour.
I would log it with 101 (not a popular choice for people like this, who are the kind to heckle the police, but I'd feel safer/it's there on record).
And as PPs said, is there somewhere slightly different you go move to?- near but not in the same town?