Aibu about kicking off about this?

[flakermaker]

Ok bit of background. Over the last year have "woken up" thanks to good friends about my husband's lack of consideration and general bad nature towards me. The term narcissist is generally overused but probably fits well to him tbh. Bear with me, start of this story might sound petty but it gets worse..
Anyway. Eldest son (11) has been away on a residential with school and it was his birthday while away. He returned tonight so I'd made a cake and waited to see what icing he'd want on it before I finished it off for him. He chose chocolate fingers round the outside and as deep as you can get it ganache on top. No problem. While I was in the kitchen, husband (possibly soon to be ex H for reasons other than what happened tonight) kept trying to take bits of the chocolate and chocolate fingers. It was a joke at first but he'd already swiped half a packet so I really seriously said enough now, I've only got just enough now.
Start to make the cake. Got most of the way through when I realised H had rated two thirds of the chocolate bar so I was now having to melt Easter eggs I had hidden away for kids at Easter. I was livid. Asked why he'd done it when I'd been so explicit about not eating chocolate. Found him in the bedroom and tore a strip off, called him inconsiderate and selfish (this is not the first time he's done something like this, but this was his kid's birthday cake for crying out loud). He flicked Vs at me and ignored me after that. Youngest son (8) ended up having a word apparently and told dad he should go and get more chocolate. Which he did. Only to come in, chuck the bar across the bench to me saying "there you go, bitch". He stalked off (kids weren't there btw).. only to find he'd eaten half of it on the way back from the corner shop.
It just reiterates one of the underlying reasons I want out of this marriage. He reckons I'm insane for making a fuss about chocolate as "the birthday cakes never get eaten in entirety anyway". Apparently I'm overly sensitive and no one else would react that way. He's now gone to bed. It's 7pm.

He sounds like a real charmer - does he bring anything of value to your life or your kids’ lives? Would you be better off without him?

Leave

Is he ds's df?

Wow. Please get rid of him. He’s fucking awful.

What a prick, that is all.

Does he know he’s soon-to-be-ExH??

Woah. I'll be honest, I started reading under the impression that this was going to be much ado about nothing.
But he is an utter arsehole!
Hope you're ok

YANBU - he's a wanker

You know he was making sure the cake-making featured him in some way, even if it was just to really annoy you. Attention is off the birthday boy and where he thinks it belongs...on him. He enjoyed watching you get stressed and also enjoyed turning it into something to berate you with.
This way he has control over your pleasure in your son's birthday cake. He spoiled it - ha.

Exactly this.

The sooner he is the ex H, the better.

Have a big slice of cake each and hide the rest while he is in bed. Petty maybe but he's earned it

Agree with pp. He has made it all about him. You no longer have pleasure in making the cake and the whole atmosphere is tainted to the point the youngest child had to intervene. That's bad by anyone's standards.

Hope you have the money to leave

He’s a despicable, selfish, spiteful piece of shit.

He’s abusive.

Why is an 8 year old trying to sort this out. I hope you leave him, I think it will get worse. I couldn’t bear to be around him. And what @pictoosh said- don’t let him win OP.

I hope your son enjoys his cake.

Yeah and this too.

Not yet but working on it very very hard

He’s a fat c*

Sorry what's df? I'm rubbish with abbreviations. If it means biological father, yes he is

I know there's a bigger picture to look at here but even the fact that someone wouldn't want their kid's birthday cake to be really nice for them is horrid in itself.

My ex did this 20 years ago with some food that had been bought for weaning baby.

It was as if he always had to be number one. He couldn't see it was wrong and that he only had to wait to have some.

Makes you realise how selfish and self important they are.

No, don't do this. Your children are watching and learning from your behaviour and petty game playing is a shit lesson.

Reminds me of my ex's behaviour at times. I'm afraid a lot of men are this childish and pathetic

Urgh my exh would eat the last biscuits to tease dc... Pathetic man child you have there ime op.. Getting rid is very liberating..

He’s a monster. I hope you get out soon, must be so damaging for your kids - your 8 year old had to have a word?!

The fact that your EIGHT-YEAR-OLD felt he had have a word with his dad really speaks volumes about what a shitty person your husband is.

He doesn’t care about his own son’s birthday cake and he openly behaves like selfish twat in front of his other son. He’s a rotten dad and a rotten husband. Get rid of him.

Saving up for a solicitor. I earn too much for legal aid but not enough to live independently. Rent is utterly crazy here. I have a decent job but not very high paying and have to work 4 days out of 5 to be able to do school runs on some days as after school care is a lot of money. My family are 200 miles away. But not a reason not to leap. Will just have to get my big girl pants on and start walking and hope I don't fall down. It's frightening. I just don't want my kids to see too much before I can leave. It's so hard being here feeling trapped though. Makes it very easy to fall back to being gaslighted and having self esteem destroyed. Very thankful for my friends right now.
And for the replies on here. It might seem that the answers here would be obvious, but when your compass is shot because of constant derogatory comments you end up needing validation from others way more than you should. The constant "you're nuts and your reactions aren't normal" sinks in after a bit and you start to believe it.