Who should be waking up early, me or BF?

[Bella445]

Hello,

This isn’t a big deal but the convo has popped up twice between myself and BF lol

I have been with BF for 2 years now and just started living together. We are now a family of 4 with both a DD each from previous relationships.

I have a 11 year old DD and he has a 4 year old DD. I have my DD full time, he has custody 50/50 with his ex partner.

DD (11yo) gets up around 8ish on the weekends and goes downstairs herself, will make cereal and watch TV and chill out. I tend to wake up about 9ish. She’s self sufficient and doesn’t need help in the mornings. I get little lie ins at weekends for 30mins/1hr.

DD (4yo) obviously needs an adult to be up with her when she wakes up around 6am.

He currently gets up early with her like 80% of the time but he says I should get up early with her more so he can have a lie in. He wants more 50/50 lie ins.
When I do get up with her she wants her Daddy so I have to pretend “Daddy’s at work” or “Daddy’s at the shops” just so that she doesn’t go upstairs to find him. I usually just cuddle with her on the sofa/play games/make pancakes, we have fun 😊

But AIBU to think he should be getting up with her more than me? Not 50/50? Lol don’t crucify me I’m new to this, this is my first serious relationship with someone after having my DD 11 years ago so it’s new territory.

I’ve done the early mornings at 6am for 9 years solo. 😂 This is just a part of parenting little kids and I kinda feel like it’s his turn to go through it haha and he needs to do the majority of the early mornings.

What do you think?? I don’t want to overstep or understep my role of step parenting, I’m new to this.

Thanks

Yes this is what I was thinking if 20% too high or too low. I’m glad 20% seems about what I was on page with. We both work full time so on weekdays we both get up around 6am anyway.

He shares 50/50 with his ex but he tends to get his 50% falling end of the week and weekends most of the time due to his ex partners job. So I understand that he would feel like he never gets a lie in. But kinda feel like that’s his parental responsibility and I’ve done it when my DD was little and now it’s his turn haha, like suck it up.

It’s not a big deal, like not an argument or anything but just wasn’t sure if I was being mean shutting him down on that.

Is he going to be prepping your 11 year old for her Sats?

He has 50% custody so he gets lie ins 50% so it's not like he never gets one. I'd offer to do the odd one if he's had a late night / hard week.
Does he do any childcare for you?

Thank you for your perspective, this is what I was sort of saying to him without saying it 😂

I would offer to do some, so that he gets a lie in on occasion. I wouldn't want it to be expected however.

His child, his early mornings.

I wonder why his relationship with her mother ended? 🤔

You'll start seeing more reasons why his ex fled!

Surely he gets 50:50 lie ins when his kids aren’t there? My DP gets up with his kids when they are here as he should - he actually wants that time with them!

Do NOT have a baby with this man, because you will be doing ALL of the nights/mornings.
At least you are forewarned

He already gets lie in's 50% of the time! Tell him to get up and stop being a lazy bastard.

Not significantly, like he drops his DD off at school for 8am, I drop my DD at a different school at breakfast club at 8am, once a week she might jump in his car if she’s running late but thats not really childcare I would say.
(I have to be at work a little earlier than him).

We do our own school pick ups aswell, sometimes he will pick up her (once a week) from school but she normally has after school clubs that run late so I get her. Again it’s not really childcare as by the time he gets home with the kids I’m there.

I dunno if it’s just me being lazy and wanting a lie every weekend now my daughter is older. But I did shut him down on the thought 😂

Everything is pretty easy and fluid and our blended family set up works and is lovely, but I won’t cave on this lie in situation, I’ve done my time 😂

I think tit for tat is important here @Bella445 , your DD lives with you both 100%, what does he do for her to fulfil a parental role?

• If the answer is not much then you behave accordingly.
• If he does lend a 50/50 hand why wouldn’t you

I say this as a mother who married a man without children who very much took on a fatherly role, to ensure everything didn’t fall on my shoulders and meaning I was always willing to go above and beyond for him.

This comment wins the internet for me today. Completely captures what's happening. OP, no way would I be doing this unless he was sick or you wanted to. They're not small for long and it's a small sacrifice for the prize of time with yhem

He wants you to go 50/50 on his child that he he only has half the time? I'd dump him tbh as that's a red flag for things to come.

Yea it should be an occasional thing you do as something nice. No expectation at all

He already gets a lie in 50% of the time when his daughter isn’t there. He is a lazy fucker.

Is everything else shared equally, food planning and prep, cleaning, laundry, dentist appts, clothes shopping, sorting things out for school, buying presents for them and for their friends when its their birthdays etc?

Are finances shared, did he move into your house?

There's no doubt in my mind that he moved in to OPs house 🙈 wrongun he is.

😂 I’m going to say this to him.

I did shut him down on the thought and he hasn’t had a problem with it lol, but thanks for everyone’s responses because I honestly thought I was being a mean stepmom and being a total b*h saying I didn’t think I should be getting up early with her.

I mean she’s awesome and we have fun and bake in the morning and I actually love it as my DD doesn’t like to do that anymore but I still don’t want to do it 50/50 as I’ve done it for 9 years already.

I will tell him he’s being a cheeky t**t.

Yeah everything is shared 50/50. We earn the same income, around (40k each). Everything’s pretty even to be honest. We do equal housework I’d say. He does more laundry than I do, but I do more cooking so it’s pretty even and awesome.

And no he was renting a 2 bed flat, I was renting a 2 bed house and we found a 3 bed house to rent together this year.

Having been there with my own daughter who is a teenager, and my exs children 3x under 8... don't do it. He's got someone else doing half the work already. Don't take over the 50 percent he does have to do.

How lazy of him. I bet his wife didn't put up with that crap when they lived together.

His daughter, he gets up.

cheeky fecker- I'd also be pondering why he broke up up with his ex

Not just a nanny - but a 'Nanny with a Fanny' as someone else once put it.

He's getting sex as well from the OP, presumably.

It's his DD that he only has part time. He gets up with the 4 year old. Stand your ground.

Thank goodness he is only a boyfriend. HIS child HE gets up for her.
and do not have children with this lazy sexist git ! you can do better