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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare arrangements for holidays

52 replies

GRT5 · 14/03/2024 21:24

What are peoples thoughts around child arrangements when separated? I have my DD full time and her dad sees her every other weekend, he has her over the Christmas period and has on occasions had her during the school holidays for the odd day. Before DD started school I asked dad if we could come to an arrangement for the school holidays due to there being 13 weeks and I too work full time. This has never happened and we are in the 3rd year now so I have suggested he takes ownership of 4 of the 13 weeks, if he can't take A/L then it is his responsibility to make alternative arrangements. He has said no as he shouldn't have to 'help me out' but will have her when he can.
Eg the next half term in April he told me this week he can have her for 2 days out of the 10.

AIBU to suggest he takes ownership of the 4 weeks?

OP posts:
Original poster
GRT5 · 16/03/2024 11:26

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/03/2024 10:16

The way I played it was that I expected him to stick to his days as he expected me to stick to mine and I only gave extra if it benefitted my DDs.

So “hey, my gf is away and I’m bored. Alright if I pick the girls up at 10?” got a “We’ve already got plans today”.

but a “x relative is getting married on x date. Alright if I pick the girls up at 10?” got a yes.

He mentioned it in court once and the judge’s reaction was actually funny as he said “Mr X, Ms Y is absolutely not being unreasonable to have plans for the children already made on the very morning of that day…” with almost a silent “you idiot” on the end

Edited
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This seems fair enough. I was conscious of the impact on my DD too so that sounds reasonable. He has planned to take her away in Aug just in the UK and I didn't want to say no because that will be nice for her too, but any last minute plans because he's got nothing else to do will get a no.

Thank you, just wish it wasn't like this.

OP posts:
TuliLily · 16/03/2024 11:48

Well the general consensus is you can't force a parent to parent, my ex has never had our kids overnight once in 7 years so you're doing better than me. I would happily do 50/50 but all I get is "you can't force someone to be a parent" so that applies here too

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