To be exasperated with posters who refer to ‘the terminally offended’?

[BernardBlacksBreakfastWine]

Been lurking on a couple of threads recently and I just get so frustrated by posters who use these phrases:

”People are offended by EVERYTHING these days.”

”Snowflake”

”The terminally/permanently offended”

etc

It’s just so empty and pointless; you could equally have used these phrases against, say, people objecting to page three photos a few years ago (and, to be fair, some of these posters probably did).

People get so angry when prejudice is pointed out to them. You just know they’re aching to say “This is political correctness gone mad!” but they at least know that’s been discredited, so they pull out one of those other meaningless catchphrases.

AIBU to wish that people could actually articulate a reason that people shouldn’t be offended by insidious prejudice rather than just slinging pointless insults?

Why should I scroll on past? (Hypothetically as I’ve not made this comment). A poster not liking those who just love being offended has just as much right to comment as you do. Mumsnet isn’t specifically a forum for those who are interested in analysing human behaviour and feeling very smart about it. It’s for everyone with a range of views.

There definitely is a subset of people who want to look for this stuff. There is of course a line past which stuff is genuinely offensive, but if you find offence that far to the 'good' side of the line I think you are just making life harder for everyone. It's not a healthy way to live, seeing yourself or others as perpetual victims. It's very disempowering even if it feels good in the short term. If you assume good faith to start with you tend to get better results.

But if the discussion is about whether or not something is problematic, surely it’s pointless to engage if you aren’t going to explain your point of view (either side of argument) but instead yell ‘snowflake’ and run off? I mean, of course you can do that…

I’m really intrigued to see what @MyGooseisTotallyLoose said that was so offensive it had to be deleted upthread! I didn’t even get chance to read it and get permanently offended ☹️

Well, I can’t argue with that.

I think you’re agreeing with me but you’ve quoted me as if you’re not 🤔

I don't think I am. I'm saying I have no particular problem with people saying that lots of people these days are constantly offended by things, because that's probably true. And I have no problem with people disagreeing with me about what's offensive.

I'm also saying that in some examples where you might say that someone isn't being offended, but are just pointing out sexism (for example), otherw might say that is being offended (i.e. finding something offensive).

Well I can't even recall what it was either so im going to ask! I'm not maddened by the thread- lots of different opinions on mn I can accept this!

People who think the center parcs ad is offensive are the terminally offended though, aren't they, or at least that is a valid point of view. The ad was not actually offensive!

There was a thread earlier about someone on a train, who wanted to report a train guard and a policeman for getting irritated with a young black female for not having a ticket and being obstructive. She said she thought it was racist, and wanted to know whether she should report.

The woman didn't have a ticket and was being obstructive
The Guard and Policeman were doing their jobs.

Where was the racism.
Sounds like OP was looking for something that didn't exist.

I'm with you OP. But then, as a comedian once pointed out, I have a 'pre-offended face' 🤣. I'd much rather be 'permanently offended' than not bothered about prejudice. I'd much rather see it and talk about it so we can do better than ignore it. I think people don't realise the insidious impact seemingly trivial things can have on people's thinking and behaviour. To be honest, people using phrases like this is quite a useful red flag for someone I most likely don't really want to be around - and equally they probably wouldn't want to be around me either!

I think it is fair to say there are a minority of people who are frequently, loudly and demonstrably offended. Typically on behalf of groups to which they do not belong, yet rather patronisingly feel they need to champion. So keen are they on their self identity as ally, they engage in performative outrage, lest we forget. My earnestly bearded young colleague for example, who announced to his Muslim supervisor that he was disgusted at people eating (in the lunch room) in front of her when she was fasting. And has only just recovered from his distress at his grandad's accidental misgendering of his newly non binary cousin, who wasnt even there to hear.

For people like him, the term 'terminally offended' does seem apt. But like many useful terms it gets misappropriated and applied to people who are challenging genuine instances of discrimination.

This.

There are so many posts on MN where people are "looking for offense" in everything someone says to them.
Nothing to do with standing up for something they believe in, or standing up for equality or whatever.

Those people are irritating.
It isn't something I generally see said about people protesting over actually offensive views, more in the "What would you think if a friend / colleague / MiL said this to you?" threads.

Very well said

And the people who are permanently offended use the term "Nazi bigot" to mean anyone who dares to have a different opinion than them.

Yep. Not everyone is terminally offended but some people are. Simple comments that anyone might make get taken the wrong way, all the bloody time. At some point it’s clear that it’s not everyone else, it’s you, you’re the problem.

I mean anyone who describes being surrounded by ‘easily offended’ people probably needs to have a think about what the common theme is…….

Using the phrase is a good signpost of an arsehole though. Like ‘woke’ or ‘virtue signalling’. A very handy red flag.

Of course it’s a valid point of view to say there was no prejudice in that ad. Fine. Even more fine if you actually explain why, and address the points of the people who are finding evidence of prejudice.

But that’s not what I’m saying here really; I’m saying that the people who only call out ‘terminally’ offended and don’t address the evidence that others are holding up for them are being annoying!

To be honest, no one can actually say whether there was unconscious bias in a lot of things. We can only look at the evidence in the light of the world we live in. I guess you could say that’s ‘looking for offence’ - but as I’ve said, I’m not ‘offended’, especially not if the supposed offence has nothing to do with me. But I am interested, and I find that closed mind approach very… Daily Mail.

I agree OP: the thing I dislike is the shutting down of people’s right to challenge poor behaviour or opinions.

There are people who get offended very easily, of course, but calling people “professionally offended” implies that there’s no right or obligation ever to draw boundaries or call out behaviour or speech.

Its a bit like the use of “woke” or “political correctness” to shut down obnoxious behaviour or speech. If taken to its logical conclusion it basically says “I can be as bigoted as I like towards you and if you don’t like it, you’re woke”

It’s bullying and intellectually dishonest.

I too find the psychology aspect interesting. Happy to debate why they chose to say keep up.mum instead of keep up dad etc, why the child cyclists are both girls

I still stick with my viewport that those who said the ad was misogynistic and they would never visit CP again are making a choice to be righteously offended or haven't thought about their position either.

These permanently offended types crop up on both sides of the debate, perhaps even more so on the right. The people who as soon as cycling is mentioned are immediately offended by the bad behaviour of cyclists out of all proportion to the reality, those who are offended by the idea of asylum seekers being treated with respect, offended by the idea of black female MPs are much more ubiquitous than the left wing variety. It's just another manifestation of inherent human tribalism - we feel secure setting ourselves up in a tribe against others for whatever spurious reason.

The person who said they are in the permanently offended category and wouldn't choose to mix with others who disagreed is the perfect example - they think they are being left wing and woke etc but in fact they are exhibiting primitive tribal behaviour the same as anyone who shouts woke.

Remaining open minded rather than jumping to offence, on any topic, is the civilised position.

But you don't have to be affected by someone's behaviour. Stephen Fry said something about this a few years back..that you can choose to be offended by a clumsy or somewhat dated comment or just go about your day. Saying you've been offended or harmed in some way because the postman called you "love" is just, in my opinion, looking for stuff to angst about. I have enough going on that I don't really have headspace to get upset or worked up over that and would probably think someone who did was the "permanently offended" type . Obviously there's a line somewhere...a car salesman ignoring tje female car purchaser and talking solely to their male companion for instance, but a well meant but clumsy comment, no.

@PrincessTeaSet

Remaining open minded rather than jumping to offence, on any topic, is the civilised position.

Well, indeed. But dismissing people as permanently offended is the opposite of this.

You’ve said it much better than me!

Some people are terminally offended in the same way that some protesters will join a protest about anything. They just enjoy being awkward. It doesn’t offend me but I do find it rather tedious.

I hear you OP.

Are some people quick to take offence? Sure.

But just as common seems to be people who mistake someone having a negative opinion about something, or just making an observation, as “being offended”. I think they probably read too many tabloids.

I don't like the phrase terminally offended. Terminally should be kept just for end of life illnesses.

😁