To (nearly) piss myself?

[PlumMentor]

My son, 16 was at his prom yesterday, and was talking with a mate of mine's son. Both are russian immigrants, and my son was laughing how they could toilet paper a friend's house when they got a car.

DS is in bold

-Wouldnt it be amazing to TP Mike's house?

-Yeah, I would love it

-Even better when...

-We have car!

-So what would we do?

-You jump out, prank him, cover whole tree, shed and house!

-And what would you do?

-I would sit in front of house, in giveaway car, ready for you to jump in!

Had me nearly pissing myself at giveaway car!

I was once talking to my mum about the euro tunnel and St Pancreas station.

My DH got 'tickle your fancy' and 'rock the boat' mixed up and said 'tickle your boat' lol

Oh he could speak fine, albeit with a few mix ups. He learned telling the time early because he liked playing with his Dad's watch - I can't remember exactly how old he was but this was before he started school.

I started learning to read when I was barely a year old after picking out words on pictures of teddies and whatnot. The world's a diverse place and just because you didn't do something doesn't mean somebody else who did is talking 'bollocks'.

So fuck right off.

Just coming in to say my son did this too. Early speaker, early reader, but BAAAAAD pronunciation 😁He had a rough time with the letter L for a few years.

I’ve got a Scandinavian friend whose mum was a chef prior to retiring. She told everyone her mum was a cooker

A family friend well known for Spoonerism type mistakes came out with, 'all the colours of the rectum'. My Nana replied, 'surely that's only one colour?'

My 4 year old thought the word for karate was hi-yah-te. Cos you shout hi-yah as you do each move.

Ah but thats true! 😂

My Polish friend at college once had to go into hospital for an autopsy. She meant a biopsy.

Oh god you've given me flashbacks of my mum visiting me in Edinburgh and making a complete scene of not understanding what anyone was saying. In Edinburgh! Probably the closest accent to English of any capital in the world outside London (sorry Edinburghians). Someone asked her if she wanted her ticket for "now" and entered into an excruciating battle of "yes please a new ticket". "But are you leaving now?" "Yes a new one? What do you mean?". Excruciating.

My 1.5 year old says "piss" instead of "kiss" 🤣

I called my mother a necrophiliac. I think she'd taken something of mine (accidentally) so I teasingly attempted to call her a kleptomaniac. She looked a bit shocked, though thankfully denied it!

LOL oh no 🙈

I probably needed to clarify that we have Ulster accents which probably did make South sound a bit like ice? Don't know.

My mum (God rest her soul) was a bit posh / fancier than the rest of us. Her accent got posher the more downmarket the establishment. Her ordering a bargain bucket at the KFC druve through sounding like the Queen was legendary 🤣🤣.

This thread reminds me of the Irish nan who got the words centipede and paedophile confused 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

m.youtube.com/watch?v=2tdqff7OpH0&pp=ygUZQ2VudGlwZWRlIHBlYWRwaGlsZSB3b21hbg%3D%3D

Doing an online quiz with family during lockdown. Question about Henry VIII comes up and brother’s girlfriend shouts out her answer “Catherine of Tate”

Oh yes, all the dead paedophiles in her living room when she would get up in the morning 😂

"Not all of the time....but some of the time"

😂

You mean you're not spitting tea all over the keyboard or waking the baby?

Me as a 10 year old to my mum as she was getting the meat off a chicken- 'Can you save me the ovaries, please.' Somehow got ovaries mixed up with oysters! 🤣

Could hear my DD aged 2 playing with her Fireman Sam toys in a different room - 'Where Penis? Penis gone.' I was so confused but ended up pissing myself laughing when I realised she meant Venus (one of the fire trucks).

Another one, I bought some Molton Brown in a sale last week.It was a christmas edition.
My friend tried it and said
"Oh I love this Frankenstein and allspice hand wash"
She wondered why I laughed 😂

I started learning to read when I was barely a year old

apologies I didn’t realise I was dealing with a family of (rude) geniuses… 🙄

Friends DD 9 was at dinner table with her mum and 12 year old brother, dinner was octopus or something along the lines.

DD then proceeded to say “I love the way the testicles feel on my tongue”

Her brother and mother just stared at her in absolute disgust before realising she meant the tentacles 😂

Still gets me 5 years later