To not want ‘big’ holidays until my child is older?

[lilo92]

So my DD is going to be 1 next month. We never got a honeymoon because of Covid and then having her, so my husband is suggesting after her birthday we book a holiday to Mauritius. He’s found an amazing package to be fair, but it’s about 3 times as much as what we’ve looked at for going to Santa Ponsa for a fortnight, both all inclusive.

Even without taking a 1 year old on the plane that far, I’m loathe to spend more money on what is a similar holiday for us with a youngster, but she won’t even remember? Had this conversation with my Mum a few weeks ago too as my cousin lives in Paris just now for work and we were all talking about going to visit, Mum suggested a day at Disneyland for DD and I said I’d rather wait til she’s older, a lot of money for something she won’t get anything out of yet.

Mum and husbands reactions have been similar - am I being horrible not wanting to take her? We have plenty of trips to the beach, and the park and the zoo and we took her to centre parcs for one night when visiting friends when she was really little. I’m not saying no to taking her on holiday, I just think it’s a bit wasted. I messaged my friend group chat and they’ve told me to just go if husbands willing to pay for it and they wish they could - nobody is seeing my point and I feel like a bad Mum because I’m not wanting to take her, but nobody is getting my point.

am I being unreasonable?

I haven't taken my DD on any foreign holidays and she's 3. She goes to her dad's family's home country every year and goes to Spain and Portugal with them too. Plus it's far too expensive for something I would not enjoy - holidays with a young child just feel like parenting in a different place, disturbed routines etc. I don't see a need. My DP and I are going to Italy in April and she is staying with her grandparents.

Your daughter doesn't need to remember, you will. We took ours on plenty of holidays as a baby and had amazing trips. Life's too short, if you can afford it i'd do it. Mauritius is beautiful.

You and you DH will remember it OP so it’s worth it. There will be other holidays when she’s older.

I wouldn't pay to go to Mauritius with a one year old. As soon as DS could crawl he was a full time job - any weekends away we did involved trying to amuse him in a hotel room from 5am until breakfast opened and having to be in the hotel room from 7pm. I'd rather do a shorter flight for some sun and use the money for an upgraded European hotel.

Agreed. Mauritius is for a couple, not for awkward toddler baggage! I'd wait until she's older and can stay with family while you go. I am sure you can find somewhere much closer to home with a toddler.

I'd also wait until she's at least 4 before going to Disneyland.

I think you’re being sensible, OP. Your baby won’t remember it and it’s be harder work for you. Babies get as much out of trips to a petting zoo or Brighton beach as they do a trip to Mauritius or Disneyland. When they’re older they’ll get a lot more out of it. It’s possible you will enjoy a holiday with a baby more than a holiday with an 8 year old, but also possible the holiday with the 8 year old will be more fun. It’s impossible to know that bit for sure until the baby’s turned 8! So if money is tight and spending on expensive holidays now means you won’t be able to do it later, I would wait. The only caveat to that is if you’re planning on having another child in several years’ time - because if that’s the case you have so much juggling with ages to do, you can’t get it right and may as well just get on with it.

We didn’t take ours abroad until they were 6 and didn’t do expensive holidays with them until they were 10. Haven’t had a trip with them we didn’t enjoy or think was worth it for them, though I have several friends who came back from long haul flights saying “never again”. (Obviously they did do it again, but not for a few years).

Perhaps I am a miserable old bag but I found taking DC that age abroad sheer hell! They hate the heat and it's just not relaxing at all. I'd stick with places easy to travel to where you know everything you may need is accessible. Disney land with a 1 year old is simply my worst nightmare. They aren't even aware of what it is and all your time is spent calming them while in a queue of 100's. I took mine aged 4 and if I was to go again I'd take them at 7+. Think about your own needs too and what you can reasonably cope with!

Tough one. Overall I’ve enjoyed going away with my toddler but it is hard. flipping. work. Not at all relaxing. I’ve been so glad to be in a kid friendly AI in Europe with toddler pools and play areas and activities etc - not sure if it would be like this in Mauritius?

Ive never tried long haul flights either with my DC or a big time difference. That would be the thing I’d fear the most!

I am not a fan of taking very young children abroad on holiday esp when if the child is under 2 they don't have a seat on plane and sit on your lap all flight.

No room in many airplane loos to change a nappy - let alone use the toilet as an adult.

I remember flying to Rhodes and there were about 15 babies/toddlers in the 6 rows in front and behind me. As soon as my ears popped, all 15 babies and toddlers were crying/screaming as don't understand the ear popping lark.

I didn't go on my first foreign holiday on a plane until I was 6 and I have some memories of it.

Think the first holiday I remember bits of was when I was 4.

The youngest age to appreciate Disney is when DC is 6 as able to go on 95% of rides. Plus the days are long and tiring with queues. waiting around as got a good spot for the parades - get to the park at 9am and still be there at 9-10pm

We too didn't do big holidays (with the kids) until the kids were old enough to appreciate them. Waste of money, they wont appreciate it and no way would I have wanted to do long haul with little kids. When they were younger we stuck to Europe AI.

However we did do a few big holidays without them.

Is DH suggesting this as he would like a "honey-moon" style holiday with you to do some lovely bonding adulty things, before everything is toddler focussed.

It's not a stretch if you've got a 1 year old, then he might really want some grown up style time with his wife.

But I think another point the OP is trying to make is that taking a 1 year old on a long haul flight won't be very enjoyable.

Better to wait to go to such a lovely destination when it can be better enjoyed by everyone.

You don't have to wait until 6-8 for Disney. DS was 110cm when we took him last May at 4.5 and there were only 4 rides he was too short for (anything with a loop basically). We stayed in a Disney hotel so went back for a rest in the afternoon then back out for dinner and fireworks. Day trip though - a no from me!

I don't think you need her to be old enough to remember it, enjoying it at the time is more important. I think it would be a great holiday with a young child. We took dd to the Caribbean when she was tiny and had a fabulous time. Book the bassinet seats on the plane and the travel really isn't any trouble.

I wouldn't want to fly to Mauritius with a toddler. Similarly Disneyland is better when they are older. A beach or pool holiday closer would be better. Why pay all that money when you are going to be very restricted on what you do. The flight alone will be challenging to entertain her.

I never went in for the "they won't remember it" argument.

We've got gorgeous photos of DC as babies/toddlers at Disney. They don't remember it but we do and they're sweet memories/stories.

Same as lovely photos/stories of them on beach/pool/snow holidays.

That being said I wouldn't be flying as far as Mauritius with a 1 year old!

Long haul travel we waited until 6-7 when we knew they could be entertained more easily in their seats.

We flew to the Dominican Republic for our honeymoon with DD last year, when she was 21 months. It was an amazing resort, she had so much fun and somehow she still remembers it now, even though it was almost four months ago. The flight was fine - I'd worried about it for ages, but she was no problem at all. We have so many lovely memories of the holiday and I'd definitely do similar in the coming years, even if she doesn't remember them in the longer-term.

We did a big holiday when our kids were 4 and 18 months (think 3 flights- over 20 hours travelling door to door 🙈) it was horrible, kids were jetlagged, didn't manage the heat so well, were constantly vomiting from either the heat or motion sickness, and the jetlag on way back was horrendous, it took us a year to get the youngest one out of our bed (he had previously slept in his own room) 😭 it was so hard that it took me nearly 6 years to gather the courage for another holiday abroad, chose a closer destination, 7 hours door to door roughly, including some driving, kids were fab, and we had a great time ❤️. I think you are right wanting to wait.

Are the grandparents going to be wrangling the one year old at Disneyland???

Thought not.

Don't make decisions for your child based on other people's desires.

been a more mixed response than I was expecting! Reassuring to know I’m not alone.

I get what people are saying about it being our holiday, but it doesn’t feel like it’ll be that relaxing. She started walking a fortnight ago, still very wobbly but she’s always been a wriggly baby. I just feel it’s paying a fortune for something we won’t fully enjoy and she won’t remember so who’s benefitting? And it’ll never be a proper adult honeymoon holiday with her there, and that’s fine, but I don’t see the point in making it that? And she’s too little to pap off to the kids clubs.

I have said to DH that I’m more than happy to take her to Europe but would rather save the money for a long haul destination for another few years. He’s not happy but does see where I’m coming from.

I’ll be honest, I hadn’t even really thought about the length of the flight, was just focussing on the money, and I can’t imagine being stuck on planes for that long - and where we are flying from we need to stopover so just adds to it. So other comments about the flight has made me dig my heels in more about it! Yes we can afford to go but means probably no holiday next year, whereas we could still have a nice place in the Balearics or Cyprus and be able to go next year, and maybe squeeze in Paris (as long as no Disneyland!)

Everyone is different of course but it's not for me. We had a holiday booked precovid, obviously it got postponed and in the meantime we had a baby. We eventually went when he was 2 years old It was only to Spain and it was awful. Flight times were horrendous, he didn't take well to all the changes, no lying by the pool relaxing listening to music, the whole thing was just rubbish (could also be where we were of course as we didn't factor in small children when we booked).

DH and I agreed we would not do any flying holidays at all whilst having small children (exception to the UK as we live in Europe and I'm from the UK, so we go back to see my family). This year, we're going to be staying in a mobile home on a camping site in the Alps, a 3 hr drive away. Very difference to what DH and I used to do but with a nearly 4 year old and a 15 month old, it'll be perfect.

I didn’t take my DD abroad until she was about 7 and that was only France/Spain.

I just felt that it was all just too much hard work and for what? They don’t care if they are abroad or by the local beach when younger.

We went to Haven, yes it’s cheesy but it was geared for kids. As parents of a young child (then) we did everything that would be good for our child. Don’t get me wrong, Mauritius is lovely (we did our honeymoon there) but what kind of a honeymoon is it if you have a toddler in tow!

It’s just harder work as you have to lug everything with you that DD needs.

Tbh my DD is now a young teen and we are still doing holidays that suit her but we are planning in 2 years time, we are going to be going where we want! If we had anyone to have her when younger , we would have done a mix of adult holidays and kids holidays.

We have always done long haul holidays that some might consider extravagant from when our youngest was 7 months old. As others have said, the holiday is for you more than them but you’d all have a lovely time. We never found the long flights an issue.

She started walking a fortnight ago, still very wobbly but she’s always been a wriggly baby

I actually think this would be the worst age to go on an extremely expensive, long haul, beach/relaxation based holiday, especially with a more determined toddler. Obviously it’s too late now, but either baby in arms or age 3 or 4 plus would be better. The most stressful holiday we had was when DC1 was 19 months. Glorious, exceptionally cute age but f*ck me he was into everything but focused on nothing. I didn’t sit on a sun lounger once as I was chasing him around so much. And that was in a European hotel with excellent kids facilities, not a far flung beach destination designed for adults.

The holiday is for you not her but if she’s the sort of baby/tiny toddler you feel can adapt to being somewhere nice that you want to visit then it’s worth going. You didn’t get a honeymoon so it’s definitely your moment and it’s a plus having her there for that.

However, Disney is different because it’s a kind of child oriented holiday, so go there when she’s older.