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Original poster

With P and his internet flirting??

46 replies

zephyrcat · 26/03/2008 19:31

Ok, story so far.... I use Facebook and msn to keep in touch and catch up with old friends. We all play with the applications and have a bit of fun.

DP has now started using both FB and msn. I sat with him and helped jim find all his old friends and how to use it etc... no problem.

Then he started with an application on FB called owned where you 'buy' your friends. Next thing I notice dp is searching for random women/girls to 'own'. One sent him an innocent comment about a pic of his tattoo and they're now on msn!

This afternoon he was on another app searching for women to 'flirt' with and has been adding random girls to his friends list and asking them to help him change his passwords (I set them up so I knew them). The password changing doesn't bother me at all, it's all the flirting and messages... so I lost it at him.

Am I being totally unerasonable? Is that what everyone does on facebook??

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 26/03/2008 19:33

Ooh, I wouldn't like that either. I know it's 'only' the internet, but still...
If dh did that I'd kick him up the arse!

zippitippitoes · 26/03/2008 19:33

no i never heard of it

i dont use face book for chat/flirting but some people do are you interested stuff

i assume no one would be or i might

but i am single

i would be upset with a partner doing that stuff

Callisto · 26/03/2008 19:35

I don't think it's acceptable either. Why does he want to change his passwords if he has nothing to hide etc. I don't think you were unreasonable to bollock him, sounds like he needs to grow up a bit.

notnowbernard · 26/03/2008 19:36

That would piss me off royally

I wouldn't be able to handle it, tbh

Would wonder what was missing in our relationship for him to need fun and flirtation with virtual strangers... esp the secrecy bit, changing passwords etc (presumably so you can't check out what he's been doing?)

How did he respond when you had it out with him?

Original poster
zephyrcat · 26/03/2008 19:36

lol I didn't help Jim, I helped him!

He can't see why it's annoying me - I told him that if any men try to add me I just block them. That's just respect for your partner isn't it?
He just says "Aren't I allowed to make friends then?" and gets arsey.

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LaComtesse · 26/03/2008 19:36

I would be furious at him getting other people to choose passwords to thwart you accessing things but that is the danger of introducing people things like Facebook - you can't control what they do when they're on there. Should rename it Pandora's Box .

How would he like it if you starting buying men to keep as 'pets' and chatting to them on MSN. What's good for the gander....

LaComtesse · 26/03/2008 19:38

Saying isn't he allowed to make friends is avoiding the issue that you don't like him messing around like this so he's being disrespectful to you. My ex used to look at porn online if we had a row - I think he stopped when I asked him to do. Either that or he got very good at covering his tracks.

And why can't he change his own passwords? Why does he need someone else to do it for him?

Original poster
zephyrcat · 26/03/2008 19:40

He changed his FB password and I went into our old email accounts to close them (was trying to change his fb email to new one which is how I knew it had changed)
In his email there were heaps of messages saying 'You have a message from XXXX' and it was her saying "They have changed all the settings but I will have a look for you and find out how to change it" It only showed her responses to the conversation, not his part but I can't think what else it would be.
I cut and pasted all her responses into an email and emailed it to him but he hasn't read it yet. He's still blatantly denying it and doesn't know I've seen the messages. I'm letting him dig himself a deeper hole....

OP posts:
Original poster
zephyrcat · 26/03/2008 19:41

He can't change them because he doesn't know much about the whole computer thing.

Thing is, if he was looking at random porn I wouldn't bother me half as much as seeking out actual people to flirt with!

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beaniesteve · 26/03/2008 19:41

The MSN would really piss me off. I can kind of understand him messing about with the applications and some blokes just do that, like some blokes buy HFM, but if it's leading to MSN contact then I think that's quite unfair of him.

Does he know you know about the MSN stuff or does he think he's hiding it from you?

Original poster
zephyrcat · 26/03/2008 19:44

He knows I know about MSN because he said to me "Some girl on Owned said they like my tattoo" and from that she asked him to add her to msn and I saw them talking and confronted him. That's when I got the "can't I make friends?" comment.

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 26/03/2008 19:46

He's an idiot using FB to stroke his ego. No, it's not what everyone does on facebook. Is he adding random men too?

Walnutshell · 26/03/2008 19:47

how about turning it on his head and acting more interested in what he's doing in a way that shows you are going to do the same... then await his reaction

or is that too devious?

OverMyDeadBody · 26/03/2008 19:49

Good idea from walnut. Play him at his own game. See how he likes it then.

Is it obvious on his fb account that he has a partner and four kids?

Original poster
zephyrcat · 26/03/2008 19:49

No not a random man in sight! I could see him this afternoon while I was on the other side of the room - you can choose women only or men only and then an age or location or whatever so I could see him doing that and then loads of women's pics coming up - then he was doing something that brought up a little box which I couldn't figure out - this afternoon I discovered that comes up when you click on 'flirt'

OP posts:
Original poster
zephyrcat · 26/03/2008 19:50

Yes, very obvious that he has me and kids - well, except that my profile now says Single!!

I am absolutely going to play him at his own game.

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OverMyDeadBody · 26/03/2008 19:54

No offence or anything, but I find attached men that do this kind of internet flirting thing rather slimy and desperate and letcherous. It just cunjours up the wrong image doesn't it?

Definately play him at his own game. Get all the applications he's got and flirt like mad. See how he likes it then.

lou33 · 26/03/2008 19:56

this is not right

i assume he knows too, as he tried turning it around to be your fault, by trying to make you feel guilty about not letting him make "friends"

i'm single and i have that kind of stuff on my fb account, but i wouldnt if i was seeing anyone seriously

most of the ones who get in touch are idiots

i am cross on your behalf

VictorianSqualor · 26/03/2008 19:58

Ugh, I don't get it, well I do actually.
He's a prat, and he is using FB to massage his ego, but that's not on.
I'd be rather pissed off myself, I only add people I know on FB but do have random guys on myspace/msn from before I met DP as does he but we were single at the time.

Original poster
zephyrcat · 26/03/2008 19:58

Exactly Lou - I've got all the apps and stuff on there and do all the silly stuff - but with friends, because it's just not done is it?!

What makes it worse is 2 of the women are chatting about their kids - shouldn't they know better ffs??

OP posts:
Walnutshell · 26/03/2008 20:15

If you are going to play him at his own game (and I haven't quite decided if that's ethical - well, ok, it isn't) then make sure you retain a little mystery and sit it out for a while. You want to give the impression that you have been using the same (weird, pointless) application (Owned) that he has and so your complaint about him using it has ceased... he's a guy so you may need to be a little obvious, ie letting him catch sight of you using it on fb

Let's just call this an alternative way to communicate which requires action and not talk

Original poster
zephyrcat · 26/03/2008 20:22

You're right, it's not ethical to do the same thing back - but I'm so bloody mad at him and his comlete inability to see any wrong in it that maybe it's the only way to make him realise.

OP posts:
Walnutshell · 26/03/2008 20:33

as long as it doesn't backfire - can you imagine if he positively encouraged you to carry on?

seriously, hope you do find a resolution here

jekyllandhyde · 26/03/2008 20:53

sorry but i really wouldn't play him at his own game on this one. it is so pathetic and sad, sleazy guys trying to massage themselves this way, do you really want to join in? yuck, it really strikes of desperation for some sort of affirmation. I would be really disappointed about this, and not sure i could look at him in the same way iykwim. don't do it. instead, think about what the hell you're doing with him anyway...

KnickersOnMaHead · 26/03/2008 21:27

Message withdrawn

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