Texts on hubbys phone

[xxSusanMxx]

Ok, so tonight I looked through my husbands phone whilst he was in the shower. I know…I aibu for that one!! I honestly don’t know why I did it, I had no suspicions. And we have no issues.
WhatsApp messages from a woman at work, some work related and some not such as gifs and how her day is etc. she also sent a screen shot showing she could see he had viewed her profile on some app and said you could have at least followed me. He said I’ll see what I can do. He is following her on Facebook but I’m not convinced it was a Facebook image. She seems more flirty than him but he hasn’t shot her down and actively followed her on something.
im livid. Fuming! He is asleep as I didn’t want to ask about it tonight as he has bad toothache and is shattered from being up early with the little one and then working. I also was working today until late.
Am I being over the top?

why did you look through his phone if you had no suspicions?

Due to my own insecurities I guess. But he has given me no reason to not trust him. Not ever.

I don’t think this sounds like anything which would cause me any concern at all.
But what do you mean she is being flirty?

Sounds like Instagram!

Also sounds a wee bit flirty for a work colleague. Don't think I'd be very amused if it were my partner

If he's viewing her stories on Instagram- that's what I suspect she's screenshotted and sent (it shows you) without even following her then he's obvious been for a wee nosey on her page..

And to clarify (as I worded it badly) he does follow her on Facebook and also tiktok as I’ve just discovered.

Even the nosying on her page before following her makes me feel weird.

The only form of SM I can think of that shows who has viewed your profile is LinkedIn - wasn’t that was it?

Edit: I forgot about insta stories as I never post any !!!!

Your feelings are valid here OP, I would definitely feel very weird about this

You sound really insecure, this wouldn’t bother me at all. It’s his work colleague and he hasn’t said it or done anything inappropriate.

My advice - and maybe I'm in the minority - would actually be not to say anything yet.

If you question him tomorrow based on what you've got, he can just say that it's nothing, there's no flirty messages, it's a work colleague, she came up on his suggested friends and he had a look. Nothing you can disprove, all loads of excuses.

In my past experience, if he wants to talk to this woman, he will. But if you question him about it he'll just hide it better. If he doesn't suspect you of checking his phone, then I'd just check it again soon and see if the messages continue/get worse.

Then if they do, you actually have something to challenge him with.

As soon as he knows you've looked at his phone he will start being more careful about where he leaves it and what's on it. He'll start deleting messages and taking his phone with him to shower.

I really would take advantage of the fact he's leaving his phone lying around and then wait and see what happens. If her messages start getting worse and she's blatantly hitting on him - he's got the opportunity to shut her down. If he doesn't shut her down, or if the flirtation is reciprocated, then you have something to speak with him about.

It's a really horrible situation OP I've been there and I hope you're okay xxx

I wouldn't like this at all.

I wonder if it was the other way round, and it was the man checking a woman’s phone when there was no “reason” or suspicions to, would that be seen the same way or would it be seen as controlling.
i don’t think checking your partners phone as a one off is bad and natural to be curious but a bit of a slippery slide into controlling behaviour potentially

Talking to someone of the opposite sex is cheating?!

Talking to someone of the opposite sex isn't cheating at all. But if it develops into something then yeah obviously.

Also quotes like this...It's perfectly natural for a partner to check someone's phone it doesn't make them "insecure" babe I mean wow!! It's not perfectly natural at all, people are entitled to privacy and its not natural to nose through a partners phone.

Now that you've potentially found something, I'd sit and wait and check again in a couple of months and see did it develop into anything. At the moment I wouldnt say it has at all.

Honestly I think you are absolutely right to be fuming if nothing is going on now in my opinion it won’t be long no way would I have this and I get everyone is different but for me I would defo be having the convo hope you get to put your mind at rest good luck …and I’m sure there are lots of women who would be suspicious of this not everyone but still

I think this is great advice

I wouldn't like this.

I actually saw a clip by a psychologist about some something similar and it always stuck with me what she suggested....basically for being it up, and then have a short laid back convo about the fact you're so lucky to be in a respectful and committed relationship, mention that neither of you would ever push boundaries or cheat that type of thing. She said if you're confronting you can push them further but if you hint that they're respectful etc it's more likely they will decide to back off on their own.

I know you shouldn't HAVE to do this as he's overstepped and shouldn't be doing it in the first place but I did think it was good advice.

Sorry you're going through this OP.