Texts on hubbys phone

[xxSusanMxx]

Ok, so tonight I looked through my husbands phone whilst he was in the shower. I know…I aibu for that one!! I honestly don’t know why I did it, I had no suspicions. And we have no issues.
WhatsApp messages from a woman at work, some work related and some not such as gifs and how her day is etc. she also sent a screen shot showing she could see he had viewed her profile on some app and said you could have at least followed me. He said I’ll see what I can do. He is following her on Facebook but I’m not convinced it was a Facebook image. She seems more flirty than him but he hasn’t shot her down and actively followed her on something.
im livid. Fuming! He is asleep as I didn’t want to ask about it tonight as he has bad toothache and is shattered from being up early with the little one and then working. I also was working today until late.
Am I being over the top?

LinkedIn is the only thing i can think of which tells you who view your profile. Sounds harmless but with caution. To me i think she sounds into him, its whether he can keep it professional

Each couple sets their own boundaries, so one question here is how would your oh react if it was the other way around?

For me, yabu here. You shouldn't have checked the phone, and all he has done is talk to someone and follow them on social media, it sounds like a friendship. It's not sexting, he hasn't said anything out of order and who he follows is visible so hardly hidden.

If it's bothering you still, then just raise it along the lines of 'in a moment of madness I felt insecure, I looked and saw messages from xx. I wish I hadn't done it but I did and I'm sorry. Can you offer me some reassurance?'

I've not looked at oh phone, I don't feel the need but I have occasionally asked for clarification about a friendship as he has me. Occasional insecurity is normal, occasionally seeking reassurance is normal, but secretly checking phones, especially when you have no cause for concern, is not good for anyone.

I think that being fuming over someone having more than a professional conversation with someone of the opposite sex is a slippery slope to controlling behaviour.

I think there are absolutely occasions where one might question someone’s behaviour and even bring it to their attention. But suggesting someone follow someone on social media isn’t necessarily flirting, it’s being friendly. These days it’s usual for people to be friends on social media.

It’s also fairly usual to look at someone’s profile if they come up on your radar. So for example there are two (male) managers at work who keep coming up on my “people you may know” suggestions on FB. I have no intention of befriending either of them as I don’t really know them beyond having had to engage with them on Teams, but I’ve absolutely had a look at both of their profiles just to satisfy my curiosity.

you say you’re naturally insecure. That doesn’t give you the right to randomly check his phone, or to dictate who he is and isn’t friends with. From what you’ve written here there’s nothing inappropriate about what he and his colleague have been messaging.

If my partner started looking through my phone and was then fuming that I’d dared to speak more than professionally to a colleague and had looked at their social media I would start to question the relationship.

There needs to be middle ground between anything goes and no conversations away from work.

This is excellent advice

I know you shouldn't HAVE to do this as he's overstepped and shouldn't be doing it in the first place but I did think it was good advice.

He's followed a women at work on social media. Is that overstepping? I follow dozens of work colleagues, male and female. Does that mean I'm planning a gangbang?

If it's Linked In, then actually she might not be being that unprofessional, and neither might he. Linked In does tell you when people have viewed your profile (depending on what kind of account you have will depend on how many people who've seen your profile that you can see). If I saw that someone I worked with had viewed me on Linked In, and I had that kind of friendly relationship with them, I might mention it and tell them they should have followed me. It wouldn't be anything inappropriate, just friendly professional networking.

Having said that I am not friends with any of my work colleages on Facebook, and I only have one or two on my Whatsapp, only really those that I need to communicate with outside of work to coordinate arrival at meetings etc. To me that's more of a professional boundary than Linked In might be.