Kids not bothering with Mother’s Day themselves

[WhatALotOfAFussAboutNothing]

Seem to hear lots of people IRL and on here saying their husbands or partners arranged and paid for their mother day cards / present and I just find this so selfish on the kids part.

When we were kids we bought Mother’s Day / birthday / Xmas gifts for parents and siblings out of our pocket money we saved and then from days of Saturday jobs when we were a bit older from our wages!

Lots of friends now say that their kids in late teens have never got them anything themselves despite working, having cars and funding expensive trips and hobbies (!) so AIBU in wondering why kids now seem to think they have a right to gifts but don’t have to buy them themselves for others when able to?

I think Mothers day is just not a thing. Kids these days are a lot more environmentally savvy, and have never bought into the cards and flowers habit, apart from anything else. These belong to older generations

Well, they raised those kids so who is really to blame? They've raised kids who are thoughtless. Thats on them.

Do you observe a Children's Day? There's one in my country, so it makes more sense for offspring to do something for the parent on a designated day, as there's a designated day for them. Otherwise, why observe Mother's Day specifically, on a particular date of the month as set for you by others?

Birthdays are reciprocal, and birthdays by their nature have a reason to be on a particular day. Christmas, if you celebrate it, is also a reciprocal holiday. No doubt you do things for your children all year around, but that's not really the same thing.

I think it's strange generally to give a card to a person you're seeing, instead of just well wishes. For me, cards are only for sending to people some distance away. Otherwise, it seems wasteful and devoid of purpose.

What about other occasions like birthdays though? I would bet money that these environmentally savvy kids don’t say no to gifts for themselves?!

"Lots of friends now say that their kids in late teens have never got them anything themselves despite working, having cars and funding expensive trips and hobbies"

They aren't kids, they've entered the selfish teen years. A lot of women don't speak up about disappointment and expectations, so it leaves those around them guessing. I don't do presents. We don't do Christmas etc. I also think that people shouldn't be grateful for any old shit. Jobs for the under 17's are non exsistant were I am. The pocket money amounts vs expectations are too much in a lot of cases. I agree about the environmental awareness, we shouldn't be shopping for the sake of it.

Yeah the "environnmentally savvy kids" thing is baloney!😀

You have to tell people what you want if it's important to you don't expect them to mind read.

Mothers Day is important to me, DD was worried that she hadn't bought me anything and didn't know what to get me so I just said I'd like to spend a nice day with her. She made me french toast for breakfast, cancelled her plans so I didn't have to freeze on the side of a sports pitch and we went for a walk along the beach then she cooked dinner. She didn't buy me anything but it was a day to enjoy together, it didn't cost anything, or add to landfill.

Mothers day is not a birthday! But no, I don't think modern teens buy birthday or Christmas cards either - cards are a dying tradition, and quite right too, they are very environmentally damaging. Balloons and flowers are even worse!

I don't actually care about either birthdays or mother's day.

I think a lot of people don't. They get hyped a lot, but it is mostly just media and advertising. In real life, they are not important to adults. Birthdays are important to children, of course.

To be honest - unless someone actually tells a 17 year old that Mother's Day is coming they probably don't know.
It's not something massively advertised - a couple of bays and signs in the supermarkets.
There might be some ads on TV for supermarkets (advertising roast dinner or something) but what teen watches live TV these days? (I rarely do which is why I don't know if those ads exist).
A lot of primary schools don't make cards anymore. My daughter is 15. She made a card in Nursery when she was 3. Her primary never did them. If I hadn't said "It's Mother's Day day so you've got to be nice to me" she wouldn't have known.

My kids are young adults and never forget - even the one with ADHD. When they were at school, they walked past a Card Factory which probably helped them remember, not to mention social media advertising etc

My teen did say to me on Friday “oh I’m sorry I haven’t had time to get anything”.

I said, “that’s ok it’s not til Sunday so you’ve still got time”

I literally only ask a homemade card of a £1 bunch of daffs, or something of that nature. But I think the thought does count.

I do think children need to be explicitly taught to give as well as receive, and to give thought to what would please their parents and siblings on birthdays, mother's day etc.

In my son's school the children were encouraged to write a brief letter thanking their mother (or whoever - in one case grandmother) for the things that mean most to them. In my son's case it turns out that is buying food, but ok. In his friend's school they hold a sale of little trinkets and ornaments and the children are encouraged to bring in £1 to buy something, then wrap it and write a card. It is all just getting them in the habit of not becoming the person whose spouse posts on Mumsnet that she is crying because her husband ignored her birthday again.

Has that expectation been conveyed to them?

At 16 and 17 we started to give them money and set present expectations birthdays/Christmas- one that's left home is following same pattern though now with own money - mentioned it once on here and got vilified - gift giving shouldn't be taught or reciprocal I was damaging my kids .

I struggled even in adulthood to remember family birthdays - so often inadvertently caused upset - one of mine realised already they'll have same issue so now wants list of dates before leaving home.

I'd probably be less bothered by mother's day - though like presents this year it was phone call from eldest that made me really happy.

Mother's Day just another way for retailers and manufacturers to sell more pointless stuff and an excuse to put prices up. Even the name is now debased.

Mothering Sunday was originally a day in lent when absent children returned to visit their mother and attend church.

I feel very lucky, my 18 yr old took it upon herself to take her younger siblings to buy me presents and bought myself and her grandmother an experience to do together, they’re all teenagers and all spent their own money

In real life, they are not important to adults. Birthdays are important to children, of course.

I only ever hear this on MN.
In my family and social circle occasions are important.

I agree. I always get confused when the posters is annoyed at her Dh or DP (or in one case her own mother) for not getting presents on behalf of her children for mothers day/birthdays when it's then revealed the child in question is a teenager or adult.

From secondary school onwards it should be for the child themselves to organise. That's what I did and it was hardly onerous. Those moaning about it being commercialised or just an excuse for shops to make money....Ive never seen a post complaining about their child not spending enough money on them....for the majority of people just SOME evidence of thought or care is enough.

For those saying you don't care about mothers day - this thread clearly isn't aimed at you, then, is it? Any child/teen will half a braincell will know whether their parent is a "don't care about it" or "actually I would quite like a card" type. Same as birthdays - if you don't want to celebrate it, and therefore your family listen to you and don't celebrate it, there's not a problem, is there? So no need for your input on this particular topic, particularly as it usually comes with an undercurrent of superiority as being above all that hallmark nonsense.
Thinking it would be nice to have a cheap card and a box of malteasers or a cup of tea made for you once a year isn't some over the top divaish princess demand.

My teen buys me and her grandparents gifts from her own money (that she works bloody hard for mucking out stables). She's lovely 🥰

Some 50 or 60 years ago when I was a kid, we didn't do Mother's Day at all. TBH I don't recall anybody else taking any notice of it either.

I think lots of people have missed the point I was trying to make - these “young adults” are happy to present some flowers or gifts to their mum but only if someone else (ie their dad or another relative) pays! And same with other occasions. They want others to pay for their birthday or Xmas gifts so that they can spend their money on themselves - which is setting them up to be self-centred?!

And it’s not about the money or whether you personally agree or don’t with certain occasions, it’s about decency and showing someone you care. If they’re happy enough to accept presents on occasions or give a gift “from” then that they’ve not paid for or thought of yourself but not pay or go to the effort of getting it yourself then that’s really shocking to me!

@Borborygmus but 50/60 years ago more people still went to church so would have taken part in a Mothering Sunday service so celebrated the day that way.

It depends on if the child has access to money. I remember being about 14, not getting pocket money or having a job and my mum being very huffy with me because I gifted her a book I had read and enjoyed for Mother’s Day, but I didn’t have anything else to give - I don’t know where she expected me to have the money to buy her something from.

So yes I think if they have a job then sure but if you don’t give your under 16 years old child any pocket money, I don’t know where you’re expecting them to magic up a gift from.