Kids not bothering with Mother’s Day themselves

[WhatALotOfAFussAboutNothing]

Seem to hear lots of people IRL and on here saying their husbands or partners arranged and paid for their mother day cards / present and I just find this so selfish on the kids part.

When we were kids we bought Mother’s Day / birthday / Xmas gifts for parents and siblings out of our pocket money we saved and then from days of Saturday jobs when we were a bit older from our wages!

Lots of friends now say that their kids in late teens have never got them anything themselves despite working, having cars and funding expensive trips and hobbies (!) so AIBU in wondering why kids now seem to think they have a right to gifts but don’t have to buy them themselves for others when able to?

Op.... this what you describe is not my experience of 'young adults'....at all!!

Some 50 or 60 years ago when I was a kid, we didn't do Mother's Day at all. TBH I don't recall anybody else taking any notice of it either.

Are you in UK ? I was a kid 50/60 years ago and we always did something for Mother's day. Made cards at primary school, and made or bought little presents. We managed to do this ourselves without having to be organised by our Dad.
When my mother died a year ago and we were sorting through her stuff, we found she had kept all the cards we made her over the years

Kids, of any age, can be remarkably selfish, unfortuantely. 😗

I had a chat with a colleague, who was finishing off the chocolates her kids got her. She's from a very environmentally conscious household (I noted she only has to share the chocolates with one child as the rest of the household is vegan) and her kids had done similar to mine, made something. Models of flowers, a cake, cards, including small expenditure from their own money. Oddly enough both our mums had given us flowers, hers a bouquet through the post and mine one of the bunches of daffs church give to all mums (mum dropped mind off later as I wasn't at church, I was driving a kid to a sport!)

It might be one of those traditions that dies out especially if it involves cards. Everyone in my family under 30 does not send cards any more, just a message on social media. Look at what has happened to Christmas cards.

Having said that, I do agree with the op that a lot of teenagers don’t bother for selfish reasons not saving the environment. My teen dc made me a card but I did say she could have got me some chocolate as she knows what I like and she has her own money. She has just come home with a treat bag of chocolates for me and she said I made her feel guilty.

Not sure about under 30s not doing cards completely - I know DS wouldn't send them outside of family and his GF - but between him and his GF they seem to send each other cards all the time. They live together too!

Mother's Day - once past primary school I have always said - it's Mother's Day next Sunday - just chose me some toiletries / chocs/ flowers from Asda . I think his dad also used to remind him .

My kids are 11 and 13 and went to the shops with DH to choose my cards and gifts. They paid with their own pocket money. I expect when they're older they'll do it themselves (without DH's help). We are a family who like to celebrate occasions and buy gifts. I don't think it would to them not to get me anything. However, I'm also the sort of person to remind them and tell them what I'd like!!

Yes, I am in the UK.

True enough, but even back then I don't recall anybody I knew ever going to church.

My DW gets both presents and cards from my 20 something daughters and always has - she loves it. I think it's not difficult or expensive to give something heartfelt even if token, so it's a shame that some kids feel otherwise. In the past, before they had their own money, they'd make cards and presents too.

Mind you, DW also expects me to mark the day, which I feel is too much now kids are adult. But that's my line in the sand!

Of course they can.

And it's our job as parents to guide them towards being a little less selfish and a bit more thoughtful. Otherwise, all you're doing is raising selfish kids who grow into selfish adults

I think it really depends on your expectations. I've always got my mum what I can afford to. Some years that's been a trip away and this year it was a gift bag full of pamper goodies. It's different between families.

Yawn. It's just a manufactured day.

Kids learn from their parents. so if they see their own mum and dad every year appreciating their own parents, putting their parents first on the day, get them involved in why the day is genuinely special to them to spend time with their own parents then leave them to it without pressure they will eventually click and do the same.

sometimes it wont be until after their selfish teen phase, but they will eventually and when they do it will be worth the wait.

My parents never once made me buy a mothers day card, dad never made us do anthing for it either,but they were always thankful and said we shouldnt spend our money on them, but we did because we saw mum and dad do it for theirs first and knew why.

@Borborygmus ok maybe not church but schools (especially primary) had more Christianity - even non church schools - based activities.
My (non church) primary in the 80s had prayers and hymns in assembly and the harvest festival event. My older sister remembers having to say Grace before lunch - I don't so they must have stopped that.
We made Easter cards, Mother's Day (aka Mothering Sunday) cards, Christmas cards. (also Father's Day - which isn't part of a Christian festival). Christmas carol concert, Nativity play. Made Easter Bonnets. I remember making fabric flowers which were for Mother's Day.
These were all typical primary school activities throughout my era (80s) and the decades before. Pretty much every primary did these things.

Idk if Mothers day is a thing for kids/teens. Well, for kids maybe yes as some schools do make it a point to draw cards for moms etc, but I can't really imagine teens caring about that a lot. Besides, many adults don't care about Mother's and Father's days themselves. I don't know anyone my age (30s) who would actually pay a lot of attention to it. My partner and I do funny smartshow 3d video cards for each other, but it's mostly just for laughs, not because we treat it serious.

Mothers Day is all over social media. No way can teens miss it (unless they are the exceptional teen with no phone or social media).

Parents should be responsible until the child is allowed to go to places on their own where they can buy cards/gifts. And even then, the other parent should remind them, as they may not know exactly when it is. Once they get to 15ish I'd tell them that it's their responsibility from there. They have phones, they can check the dates of things. I wouldn't want a present off a teen if a parent had bought it for them - what's the point?