Page 3 | To think my DD should not go to the Uni and accommodation as her boyfriend

CleoRoad · 2024-03-12T11:52:33+00:00

My blood is boiling Please let me vent! She's 17, he's 18 and a drip. They have booked the same bloody uni accommodation, right down to being in the same floor. She's like his nurse as it is. And then she mirrors him that they both have anxiety etc. She's didnt have anything until she met him, He didn't go to any Uni Open days at all They applied to all the same places. Even down to the same course in some of them. AIBU to think she will never make any decent friendships at Uni or get the full experience if they come as a pair?

KnottyKnitting · 12/03/2024 14:15

@Purpledragons* * No she is currently working in some admin role and has missed the deadline for uni this year. Not sure what her plans now are.

Original poster

CleoRoad · 12/03/2024 14:42

I'm calming down a little.
Thanks to all who replied

There were some good points made that I hadn't thought of. Both positive and negative.

He's not a bad kid. I don't think he will harm her deliberately.
I just wish he had more 'omph'
She needs some to spark her into action

The phrase "comfort blanket" is just what I was searching to say. Thanks @AmaryllisNightAndDay .

They are each others comfort blankets.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 12/03/2024 14:43

YANBU

She's making an enormous mistake.

Can you afford to send her off on a gap year to the other side of the globe?

Original poster

CleoRoad · 12/03/2024 16:15

@mathanxiety

She wouldn't go.

I'm trying to cling to the information from other posters who say to let her make her own mistakes.

But it's hard.
She had 5 offers in and this was the worst course and the worst uni with the lowest entry requirements

I think they have chose this deliberately because then they are both pretty much guaranteed a place

OP posts:

Original poster

CleoRoad · 12/03/2024 16:17

For reference the entry requirements to this uni is a massive....

48 points!

No, not a typo

So they need 2 x D grades.

OP posts:

Dixiechickonhols · 12/03/2024 17:05

Has she applied for her finance? It’s just open for 24/25. I’ve just sat with my dc and done it. It’s very sobering all the warnings about how much they will pay back.
Being frank a course like that may not be worth investing in.
Does she have an auntie or godmother who might have a chat with her.

Grrrpredictivetex · 12/03/2024 17:37

@CleoRoad
Sorry if I've missed this but are they doing the same course or just attending the same Uni?

Ihadenough22 · 12/03/2024 17:40

You know she is wasting her life with him. I tell her that you have noticed that she is like his mother telling him to do things and doing things for him.
I say I have noticed that your like his mother and that you are not letting her waste her future with him. You need to tell her that she is capable of getting into a better course and you know she is only picking this university and course because of him.

Tell her that if she wants to go to university with him she can figure out how to pay for it. Tell her as well that if she goes into a course with such low requirements that she won't get a good job and will still be left with student loans after university.

She might not like to hear this but as a mother it's up to you to guide her now.

If she does not like this bring him around to your house and tell him that your daughter is not going to university next year as you have decided she needs a gap year and she wants to wait for her results before deciding what to do.
So unfortunately he can sort where and what course is going on because she is not moving to halls or the same university with him.

She won't be happy over this but I have seen bright girls get involved with idiots around her age and they never achieve what they could have done.
You want your daughter to do as well as possible in her exams and do a good university course that will lead to a job.

I know lads of his age and they have a bit of get up and go. They are making plans and working towards good grades and proper university courses.
I currently know several girls and boys in university at the moment. They have met a lot of new people and new friends. They are enjoying life and working hard in university and doing a bit of part time work as well.

Years ago a very bright girl I knew decided to take a gap year. She wanted to get her results and apply for university the following year. She did a secretarial course. She learned how to drive. She also got part time work in a supermarket. She went to university a year older. Today she has a PhD and a very good job. She said the gap year helped her grow up a bit and give her time to make a good choice re a university degree.

MargaretThursday · 12/03/2024 18:06

I'm surprised that any uni allows people to book accommodation this far in advance, when they probably are still making offers etc and don't know any that actually allow you to choose accommodation down to the floor.
Are you sure it isn't a preference, and they could still end up being other end of the town to each other?

IndignantIguana · 12/03/2024 18:13

I wouldn't worry, if he is as wet as you think, if they break up he will probably leave anyway. I'd just let it run it's course.

Starspangledrodeopony · 12/03/2024 22:28

CleoRoad · 12/03/2024 16:17

For reference the entry requirements to this uni is a massive....

48 points!

No, not a typo

So they need 2 x D grades.

Yikes. That sounds absolute pony.

What a shame. But…not the end of the world. Hopefully she’ll dump the useless dope.

mathanxiety · 13/03/2024 04:09

Ihadenough22 · 12/03/2024 17:40

You know she is wasting her life with him. I tell her that you have noticed that she is like his mother telling him to do things and doing things for him.
I say I have noticed that your like his mother and that you are not letting her waste her future with him. You need to tell her that she is capable of getting into a better course and you know she is only picking this university and course because of him.

Tell her that if she wants to go to university with him she can figure out how to pay for it. Tell her as well that if she goes into a course with such low requirements that she won't get a good job and will still be left with student loans after university.

She might not like to hear this but as a mother it's up to you to guide her now.

If she does not like this bring him around to your house and tell him that your daughter is not going to university next year as you have decided she needs a gap year and she wants to wait for her results before deciding what to do.
So unfortunately he can sort where and what course is going on because she is not moving to halls or the same university with him.

She won't be happy over this but I have seen bright girls get involved with idiots around her age and they never achieve what they could have done.
You want your daughter to do as well as possible in her exams and do a good university course that will lead to a job.

I know lads of his age and they have a bit of get up and go. They are making plans and working towards good grades and proper university courses.
I currently know several girls and boys in university at the moment. They have met a lot of new people and new friends. They are enjoying life and working hard in university and doing a bit of part time work as well.

Years ago a very bright girl I knew decided to take a gap year. She wanted to get her results and apply for university the following year. She did a secretarial course. She learned how to drive. She also got part time work in a supermarket. She went to university a year older. Today she has a PhD and a very good job. She said the gap year helped her grow up a bit and give her time to make a good choice re a university degree.

This.

And to add, the girls I've seen waste their talents and make a huge mess of their finances in this way have ended up single by Christmas, all of them dumped.

abeeabeeisafterme · 13/03/2024 04:23

Have school or college not discussed uni's with them? It's disappointing that they are seeing uni as a trivial three years. Have you had many conversations with her (not about the bf, but about uni?) I just can't imagine leaving my kids to decide alone about a course and uni that I was paying a lot for. These discussions go on for years prior to decision day. Has she blindsided you or always had this low ambition?