To want to end it with my boyfriend?

[ThatAmusedAquaMember]

I was Googling to see if people had similar problems and found here. I know I don't have to have a reason to break up with someone but I'd like your objective opinion whether I'm being unreasonable as I don't want to regret my decision.

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. This is the best relationship I had so far and am deeply in love with him. However, I find myself growing resentful and unhappy by the day.

He lives in the house he bought with his ex. They broke up 2 years ago. She moved out and doesn't pay mortgage. The house isn't selling as the price is too high. Ex refuses to pay the difference if they tap into negative equity. He seems wedded to a certain outcome, he doesn't want to lose money.

Which is fine, BUT he's losing money every month paying towards the ex's equity. Also it causes so much financial and emotional burden. We don't do anything together as he's always 'too broke'. The other day he told me he couldn't afford to buy shower gel. I felt horrible and immediately got him some but can't help in the longer run. The house needs to sell.

He keeps complaining about finances constantly. I used to symphatise but I find it very draining and emotionally taxing nowadays. I'm suffering consequences of something I had no involvement in.

His family have been helping enormously so not sure how he is that broke. Which brings to our most important issue. I don't trust what he has to say. He's previously lied to me about big and small things. Mainly as a defence mechanism to avoid conflict but I'm having such hard time envisaging starting a family with a guy like that.

We had 2 strong points. 1) Sex life, which is now suffering so badly due to financial pressures and 2) travelling together. We went on budget holidays and enjoyed it so much. Since October he wasn't able to go anywhere. He told me it was because of the debt he accrued from our holidays but we do 50/50 and I know how much he would've spent so I challenged him. He then admitted the majority of the debt was from before were together...

What are your thoughts? Are we doomed or is it worth communicating my feelings to him? I did so in the past but nothing changes and I'm losing hope.

Ditch him
what on earth on you doing in this horrible situation?!
he’s inflexible and you don’t trust him
he’s massively in debt
won’t make good financial decisions

In what way is this the best relationship you've ever had? The others must have been absolutely dire!

You've only been together a year, he was only one year out of a relationship that had lasted long enough to buy a house together when you got together.

he may have a different view of this relationship to you, to be honest he doesn't sound over the last one.

I'd move on and look back on this as a learning experience and find someone with a bit less baggage that you can have fun with.

Heh. I didn't have the best time in my previous relationships. I only had 2, one lasted 9 years and the other 3. This one is by far the best in terms of shared outlook in life and sense of humour, overall good time spent together.

Their relationship didn't last long. They were together for 2 years in total but rushed into buying the house. They knew each other for ages as were childhood friends.

Leave him.

Just leave him. You want to. You don't need approval from internet randoms.
If you do feel you need a solid excuse I'd say the dishonesty is a pretty good reason.

What are your thoughts? Are we doomed

Yes, I'm afraid so. Cut your losses. This is no way to start a life together and you know he deals with problems by lying to you about them... that's no basis for a relationship.

ETA: You even know you want to end it. If you feel you need permission to do it, I'm sure almost everyone who reads this will give it to you.

He can’t even afford a 45p bottle of shower gel from Aldi.

Bullshit.

Dump him.

Your gut is telling you want to do.

Nothing more miserable than spending your life with someone obsessed with Money.

If this is the best relationship you've had so far, I think you really need to aim higher and want more for yourself.

Get rid.

A boring liar who can't afford a bottle of shower gel appeals to you?

Avoid men entirely until you've done extensive work on your standards, there's no need whatsoever to date idiots.

The only reason to be in a relationship is that it enhances your life and is fun. If it's neither of those things, you've fucked up, dump and enjoy life.

1. He can't do much or go anywhere because he can't afford it?
2. He can't even afford shower gel?
3. He LIES. See 1 and 2 then re-read 3.

He's a liar, he's awful with money, he can't stand on his own two feet, he complains but doesn't take action. I bet he's got all the usual "crazy ex" stories as well has he?

Other men are good in bed too OP.

Yes, end it. He's broke and a liar and rapidly becoming a millstone around your neck!

End it. Some men are not those to have a relationship with. Do it now.

The liar thing really gets to me, sorry, I couldn't stand knowing I was being lied to.

Just to clarify the shower gel part, perhaps the way I phrased it sounded like he might be lying again - he was gifted a bar of soap. Later on I found out he's using that as body wash. Apparently the package said it's for both. But it clearly didn't clean good enough as we both noticed he stank after work one day. So I said why don't you buy shower gel instead and he said and I quote 'it's an expense I can do without'.

He had some heavy tools from work in his boot and said 'can you imagine how much petrol I'm burning carrying these around?!'

Or the other day he told me he buys chicken instead of beef as he can't afford it.

Pretty much all his clothes look completely worn out, have holes in (only wears these at home).

I don't want to come off as a gold digger or a shallow person but this kind of penny pinching and constantly moaning about how expensive everything is is so unattractive to me and not sure if it's because of the financial stress he's in or whether it's his actual personality. That's why I wanted to stick around till the house is sold so I can see what's actually byproduct of massive stress what isn't.

It’s not fun so end it.

But the selling of the house is not your business, if there is him and his ex involved it might not be just as simple as dropping the price. He may require her agreement, or may not be able to afford to fall into negative equity, particularly if the sale proceeds won’t cover the mortgage repayment. It is also perfectly reasonable for him to pay her share of the mortgage if she is no longer living there- he is essentially renting her share off of her.

That's why I wanted to stick around till the house is sold so I can see what's actually byproduct of massive stress what isn't.

But OP, life inevitably contains periods of massive stress, especially if you have kids. Do you want to share your life with someone who will deal with these inevitable periods in this way? And that's the best case scenario - he could be like this all the time.

Stop apologising, worrying you're a gold digger etc, like there's something wrong with not wanting to build a life with a man who makes excuses for not buying frigging shower gel.

he was gifted a bar of soap. Later on I found out he's using that as body wash. Apparently the package said it's for both.

What am I reading?!

What is soap if not for washing a body?

Madness!

MADNESS!!

He was gifted a bar of soap? I use bar soap everyday in the shower, it cleans way more effectively than shower gel. I suspect hygiene is another area in which he's just lazy.

When you say the soap clearly didn't work because he stank (presumably after using it), do you think he actually used it or washed properly? If you have a proper wash with standard, basic bar soap, there's honestly something medically wrong if you still stink immediately afterwards.

Thank you. That's my point. I don't care what he uses to clean himself so long as he can. But despite thinking the soap bar didn't work, he was still trying to avoid buying a 50p shower gel.

I don't know why but I feel like I need to justify the break up in my mind. As others pointed out, not trusting him is good enough reason probably.

You should still be having some fun after a year. Not having to act like his mother buying him shower gel. Bin it off, do you want to do this fir the next 10 years or however long is left on the mortgage?

He’s angling for you to financially support him. Has he asked you to move in?