To be annoyed

[ImaMumtoaboy]

So mother's day was a total let down again even though I gave specific instructions I wanted some effort IE a shop brought card at least.
So Ds got up at 7.30 to watch tv, dh scrolling on his phone. I lay with eyes closed hoping to go back to sleep didn't happen so I started stirring and dh puts his phone down and pretended to be asleep. I got up 8.30. Walked past Ds said good morning got no reply back, no happy mother's day.
Went and made a cuppa and sorting the dog out. 20 minutes later I get a txt off dh will you make me a coffee?
Dh got up at 10, asked what's for breakfast? Told him it's mother's day whatever they brought and are making. Dh said surprise we are going out for breakfast. I thought yes they actually heard me. Went out had a nice breakfast came home. Dh announced he and D's are off to play pool(me thinking typical last minute dash to the shop to get me something. At this stage no card and still no happy mother's Day from Ds who is 12).
I was told they will be back at 4 for dinner.
Made dinner, dh and Ds watch the match.,
6.30 Still nothing I'm starting to get annoyed now. I had to say it to dh that I didn't get a card he called ds aside Ds disappears into his room comes back out 5 minutes later with a page pulled out of his school copy folded over with a circle drawn in the middle with petals around it, in pencil not coloured in with TO MAM FROM DS written inside it. Absolutely fuming inside. Took "card" said thanks. That was it. HAPPY FUCKING MOTHER'S DAY!!
Dh had the cheek to say can't wait for father's Day, you better start planning. Told him yeah we will go out for breakfast then I'll disappear for 4 hours come home watch tv and Ds will give you a page from his copy.
I was told I was ungrateful. Now I'm a sahm and do literally everything in the house. Dh gets up goes to work comes home has dinner, shower and that's it.
Am I ungrateful?
It's not just mother's day that gets over looked. My birthday and Christmas was the same I'm left sitting like a thick while they are opening their pile of presents while I got a pair of slippers that are too small.

So you put the exact same effort in for them.

I'm really sorry, and I would be annoyed too. But I'd stop doing anything in return.

12 and still a sahm?

If he's 12 can you go and get a job and leave some of the housework to the others? Or not really?

Am I ungrateful?

No, you’re not. But your DH and DS obviously have no consideration or appreciation. Treat them with the same effort they five to you.

And???

You are 50% responsible for raising him. Actually my mother was 75% else I would be Arthur daly, del boy!!! Oh and I would never ever cheek a lady...in pain on pain.

Well as pp has said, get a job and tell your dp they need to step up.
What are you doing that means you need to be at home?

I dont understand the need for shop bought cards for mothers day 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ but they took you out for breakfast which is nice. I'd have been happy with that. Mothers Day is one of those days where some people were brought up making a fuss of it, and others weren't. I couldn't give 2 hoots about it, but I've got friends who treat it like christmas. I think communication is needed to let people know expectations for mothers day and fathers day personally.

My dh works 3 cycle shifts and when ds was younger he would be away with work a lot not so much now and it suited me to stay home. Over the years we managed on 1 wage and I like being home when Ds is leaving for school and coming home. Easier when he is sick or on holidays. I also have a disability that I could work with but means when I have flare ups I could be out of action for days to weeks at a time.

They were lazy.

Get a job and gain some independence. Split chores or get a cleaner with your wage.

OP you don't need to explain why you're not working. Some people think we should just be little worker ants

The not even getting you a card & scribbling on a ripped out page was crap
No lie in - bit rubbish
Breakfast - nice
Leaving you for hours - depends if you liked the freedom & peace or not!?
Overall - agree not a great day

On the work thing - this could be fair enough if DH works long hours and brings in enough money, you do the equivalent hours of housework/admin, you both agree that you shouldn't work & you all have a happy life
But it doesn't sound like that's the case

Now DS is 12 it might be good for you to work to get some independent time and money and for DH & DS to start helping round the house and realise how hard that job is - get a bit of balance?

Do you give lots of 'specific instructions'?

Yes it sounds shitty but why are you doing everything?

Raise your son to be a decent person, good boyfriend/ husband. He’s not going to learn it from his Dad.

Always seem to find people who think like this are happy for 'someone else' to be the worker ants...

The only way to fix this is do EXACTLY the same for every celebration for them. Either they won't mind and you'll save loads in money you can treat yourself with OR they learn super quickly not to be dicks.

Funny you say you wanted effort this year I.E. A shop bought card. Home made cards take much more effort and are usually nicer (although it sounds like your son's card wasn't great...).
It doesn't sound like the day you wanted. I think next year just spell it out - I want breakfast made for me and a nice family day out (or whatever). I always say what I want and then DH arranges everything.

your family might respect you more if you had more self respect… and got a job. Even a part time one!

The reason I said a shop brought card is because I wanted them to actually stop and think "mam will like this" our Tesco had cards for 50cent. I wasn't looking for a big song and dance just a little bit of an effort. Ds could have went into the garden and picked the daffodils and I would have been delighted. Took the box of Maltesers out of the fridge. It didn't have to cost money.
I put a poster on the fridge jokingly stating all family celebrations going forward will be given the same effort that gets put into mother's day. Try your best but do it with love. Dh totally agreed with me. I just wanted a little bit of thought and consideration but I think this year I'm going to do it.
Funny dh stopped making an effort with mother's day after his own mam died.
I can't be certain but I think going out for breakfast wasn't planned but totally appreciated.

How had my husband and son were selfish bastards, turn into get a job FFS. At no point did she ask for a bloody debate (or pile on) of their set up. Yes, they were both shit. I would be equally shit for Father's Day and your son's birthday. At 12 he is old enough that he k ew he needed to do better. I would match their energy regarding special occasions- none.

I have plenty of self respect thanks.

Your DH sounds fucking useless.

Is there a need for a warning of anything posted other than 'omg hun! He's a bastard poor you!!' Is not allowed?

I’m sorry you had a bad day but, and I’m sorry that this is harsh but it feels pointless to sugarcoat it, your son is a direct result of how he is being brought up. You don’t like it. Change it. Otherwise he will become an adult with the same mindset.

As a parent, especially a sahm, it's your job to bring up your ds to be a kind, polite, respectful friend/employee/partner/father one day. If he's not learning it from his dad, all the more reason for you to take him to task. 12 is definitely old enough to be required to step up more and help at home. A kind but firm talk about gratitude, generosity and consideration wouldn't go amiss.