To be annoyed

[ImaMumtoaboy]

So mother's day was a total let down again even though I gave specific instructions I wanted some effort IE a shop brought card at least.
So Ds got up at 7.30 to watch tv, dh scrolling on his phone. I lay with eyes closed hoping to go back to sleep didn't happen so I started stirring and dh puts his phone down and pretended to be asleep. I got up 8.30. Walked past Ds said good morning got no reply back, no happy mother's day.
Went and made a cuppa and sorting the dog out. 20 minutes later I get a txt off dh will you make me a coffee?
Dh got up at 10, asked what's for breakfast? Told him it's mother's day whatever they brought and are making. Dh said surprise we are going out for breakfast. I thought yes they actually heard me. Went out had a nice breakfast came home. Dh announced he and D's are off to play pool(me thinking typical last minute dash to the shop to get me something. At this stage no card and still no happy mother's Day from Ds who is 12).
I was told they will be back at 4 for dinner.
Made dinner, dh and Ds watch the match.,
6.30 Still nothing I'm starting to get annoyed now. I had to say it to dh that I didn't get a card he called ds aside Ds disappears into his room comes back out 5 minutes later with a page pulled out of his school copy folded over with a circle drawn in the middle with petals around it, in pencil not coloured in with TO MAM FROM DS written inside it. Absolutely fuming inside. Took "card" said thanks. That was it. HAPPY FUCKING MOTHER'S DAY!!
Dh had the cheek to say can't wait for father's Day, you better start planning. Told him yeah we will go out for breakfast then I'll disappear for 4 hours come home watch tv and Ds will give you a page from his copy.
I was told I was ungrateful. Now I'm a sahm and do literally everything in the house. Dh gets up goes to work comes home has dinner, shower and that's it.
Am I ungrateful?
It's not just mother's day that gets over looked. My birthday and Christmas was the same I'm left sitting like a thick while they are opening their pile of presents while I got a pair of slippers that are too small.

Funny dh stopped making an effort with mother's day after his own mam died.

Why is that funny?

He is in general a good kid and I'm not just saying that. Teachers in school always say how well mannered and kind he is. He has given up his yard time to sit with a younger kid who had a broken leg. He noticed her last week sitting on her own so asked if he could bring a book out to read with her. Over the last week he has brought in a comic or book from home and they read it together. The elder neighbour across the road he goes to the shop every other day for them and at Christmas and Easter when we are buying Flowers for my mam he buys them a small bunch.
He has his chores to do for pocket money and does them.
I had a chat with him today after school about how disappointed I was and I will be having a chat with dh when he gets in from work in the morning.

"funny" was meant like it's a coincidence not as in "funny" ha ha.
I'm Irish it's just something we say

OP, according to some posts here, the only way a woman can expect to be treated with respect is by getting a job, ergo it is acceptable to treat a woman like crap if she doesn't work. Maybe, just maybe, a person should be respected simply because they are a person?? The warped value system of some posters here is unreal. Take no heed.

God Mumsnet really is a cesspit.

Woman doesn’t work. MN: “Go and get a bloody job. And some self respect”.

Woman works. MN: “So selfish to put your career before your children.” (Not the case in this thread but I’ve seen it in many others).

I'm.so sorry people are so bloody nasty op, ignore them. You don't need to explain yourself xxx

Absolutely disgusting some of the replies here. Fair play for calling it out.

@ImaMumtoaboy I'm irish too, very normal to say funny , so ignore the people trying to goade you.

Seriously, what is wrong with you? Not that OP has to justify why she's a stay at home parent, but has already said she has a disability and even if she didn't, it's none of your fucking business.

Op, I would just appreciate the breakfast out and do the same at father's day. Sometimes being at home can mean you are overlooked though I'm sure you are the glue to the family.

Well staying on topic would help and is pretty common sense.

It’s totally normal in the UK too. I think the PP’s point was along the lines of OP isn’t her DH’s mother so of course he isn’t bothered about Mother’s Day once his own mum is dead.

But that totally lets him off the parenting role in celebrations. When there are two parents it’s up to the partner to make sure children learn to treat people well on their B’day/Mother’s day/Father’s Day/Christmas/Etc. because it works much better and doesn’t come across as self serving, if you’re teaching them to think about someone else than if you’re the teaching them to think about you.

So many women end up working and then also doing all housework and childcare though.

I doubt the breakfast was planned, because DH asked you what’s for breakfast.

Well done for the poster, but actually mean it. No more piles of presents for DH! No Father’s Day fuss at all. Don’t remind DS.

I had a similar Mothers Day a few years ago. My teens and husband did diddly. There was a scramble for the kids to hastily scrawl on some paper for cards at one point.

So.

I sat them down (younger two were excluded, too young to do anything without direction) and flat out told them how hurt and disappointed I was in all of them. I bust my butt for all of their birthdays and holidays, and they put zero effort in. If they’d gotten the same effort from me on their next birthday, how would they feel?

Effort has been made every year since. Like you, I don’t expect a huge song and dance. But some effort and care goes a long way. A chocolate bar from the corner store. Homemade card is ABSOLUTELY fine, when they’ve put effort in, not a messily scrawled stick drawing from a teenager.

Treat me like I matter is basically the point.

That's all great, so you need to get to the bottom of why a 12 year old couldn't independently go and choose a card for you, offer you a cup of tea and some breakfast?

What's going on?

So had a chat with dh. Told him I was disappointed in the lack of appreciation for all I do for both of them. Yes he works hard and long hours but he done that before we had Ds.
I asked for a little bit of effort it wasn't that hard to do. How would he feel?
So basically the reason they disappeared was they ordered a personalised bracelet with mine and son's names on in his handwriting with a charm of his handprint. It was supposed to be ready last week. Dh was told there was a delay as they had to redo it. Ds wasn't happy and asked dh to bring him to the shop to see if they had it. Dh produced the receipt and it was ordered 3 weeks ago. Ds wanted to redo mother's day when he got it as a surprise.
Told him that if they or even just dh would have explained I would have understood but I was feeling crap and annoyed with them.
I will have another chat with ds without letting on I know about his surprise about just showing someone some appreciation it doesn't have to cost money but wishing someone a happy "whatever" day is the least he should have done.

It's a shame he didn't just let you know that what that had ordered had an issue, that in itself was acknowledgement.

I know that's what I said. I wasn't expecting an expensive gift.
A cup of tea, a card and a hug, not to be avoided most of the day.

Breakfast was not planned but dh said he was glad we done it and he should have planned for it.
I'm leaving my poster on the fridge just as a reminder to both of them.
I'm going to reign back with celebrations for dh it's going to be very basic. Yes this year he tried but that doesn't excuse the last 5 years. My dad died 18 months ago I still made the effort for father's Day my first without my dad.

Yes, it sounds like they don’t really make an effort year round which is the important thing. Anyone can order a present online or in the shop, I don’t think it takes a lot of thought. The fact they ignored you for the afternoon is more telling than ordering a present a few weeks ago. They could have told you about it, then made you a nice lunch, or at least spent time with you.

It was a shame your 12yr old couldn’t have made more effort with a card, I think what they did showed a complete lack of respect. It would be good to get to the bottom of that.

What's the fact you're a sahm got to do with the fact you didn't even get a proper card on mother's day.
Some people are unbelievable.
I'm so sorry that's all I can say.

I don't understand - mix up with the bracelet, annoying, yet can't be helped. But they were out of the house for 4 hours. More than enough time to pick up a card and write it out for you.

You've listed all the kind things your son does for others, which is lovely - but why could the two of them combined not think 'the bracelet is delayed, let's grab a card and some chocs/daffs/ingredients for dinner tonight so she still feels special and listened to'?

It's like he's fallen in to the trap of thinking that spending money = effort.