to think that on Mothers Day

[GrannyNannyMagratandGreebo]

I shouldn't have to race round doing flippng housework?

fwiw, I am currently not working and so do most 98% of the housework.
I don't mind doing most of it but almost all of it? dp works full time and I appreciate that. However, when he say he's bored and got nothing to do at work and then comes home and slouches on the settee watching feckin cricket/golf/football and thinks that doing 50% ish of the cooking and 30% ish of the washing up is doing his fair share....
well, I'm very frustrated because we've chatted about it before.
A few times.

Then he wonders why I put my arms in the air when he comes in from the garden, doing something he wanted to do, asking me if the washing on the airer (he is standing immediately in front of and much closer to) is dry

So do less

That doesn't work

How old are your kids? Do you really have 40 hours of housework to do a week? If you do then I agree he should step up, if you don’t then clear the decks whilst his at work and then enjoy the rest of time you have when he’s around as a family.

@Herdinggoats
dc (his ds, my dd) are not here enough to do housework.
no, there isn't 40 hours but honestly, it was one day where I didn't want to do anything.

No, you shouldn't have to do any housework on mothers day

Hmm, if I wasn't working I wouldn't mind doing 100% of the housework. Could you have done the housework on Saturday or during the week so it was minimal on Mother's Day? Surely there isn't that much on a daily basis?

But you didn't actually have to, did you? Nobody needs to spend their Sundays cleaning the house, whether it's Mother's Day or not.

If one person works full time and the other doesn’t work at all then yes I would expect the non-worker to do all of the housework. However, it didn’t really need doing yesterday, surely it could work until today?!

If you’ve no children living permanently at home and aren’t in work, then is there really so much housework left to do that taking the weekend off wasn’t feasible? The fact that it was Mother’s Day is a bit irrelevant really, except that if you’d had plans to celebrate it with your DC you could have just gone out and left the laundry or whatever for another day.

Theres only two of us in the house, and I can say with absolute confidence that neither of us could find upwards of 30 hours a week every week of chores to do, or be so worried about then that we felt compelled to do then rather than celebrate an occasion.

Putting your arms in the air isn't going to change much OP

You're not working? Are you still contributing to the finances?
Perhaps you shouldn't have to do it on Mother's day... you could have done it the day before or the day after... I semi jest.
But in general it appears you have a lot more time than him and he does 50% of the cooking and some other stuff

I wasn’t suggesting your kids do the housework! 🤣 More that if they are not babes in arms or toddlers surely you have enough time during the week to stay on top of the chores whilst your partner is at work.

You didn’t have to on Mother’s Day, you made a choice too. I don’t understand why you need to clean on Mother’s Day and then moan about it.

Why don’t you go back to work full time and then he can just do a little extra washing up and you can split the rest of the housework 50:50, or get a cleaner?

How much housework is there to do if there's just the two of you? Are you sure you're not martyring yourself?

Well it sounds as though you need to communicate your concerns more clearly then.

@Namenamchange if I didn't do it, then it wouldn't have got done.

So how do you expect to effect any change then?

I'm very much aware that to some it may seem like I'm moaning but surely for one day?

It was only stuff that when he was living in his own house, that he would have done anyway.

What wouldn’t have got done? You could have done it in the other 6 days of the week.

It wasn’t wife’s day it was Mother’s Day, he’s your husband not your son. Dads are there to help their children look after their mums. Don’t infantilise your dh by making him your child.

For us, in a similar situation (SAHM, 1 working parent) the upset comes from me not wanting to do all the dogsbody work for no thanks while he sits upstairs all day , it’s like living with a teenager that comes down for food. Don’t want to get into a SAHM debate here (this is inevitably how these go) but you are not alone in not wanting to do 100% of the housework or asking for a contribution and quite frankly it just feels horrible being the housekeeper sometimes (yes, I’m going back to work soon when I’m needed less for childcare..)

Was it anything that needed doing? I didn't do any housework yesterday but then I don't think I do that much anyway. Most jobs don't really need doing half as often as people insist they do.

I went to work yesterday by choice of taking an extra shift, whilst my DH had a sleep in (first one he's had in months). I cleaned around, sorted breakfast then went to work for the day. All by choice because I wanted to. If I didn't want to do any of it I wouldn't have. Why did you clean up on a day you didn't want to?

Your partner works full time, does 50% of the cooking and 30% of the cleaning and that's not enough for you?

It sounds like you might be a bit unreasonable tbh.
I'm a SAHM, youngest DC is 12. I do probably about 90% of the housework but I hardly do any at the weekends unless I choose to and didn't do anything on Mother's Day.

I wouldn't do it on Mother's Day, but unless your house is enormous, keeping on top of it can't be a full time job, so yes, I'd expect to be doing most if it. I've always done it during the week, to keep weekends free though.